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Title: One week of NC and still staying strong Post by: OTB on December 23, 2011, 08:09:05 AM One week done and still feeling strong, with no desire to contact her. I know I hurt her in leaving but I also realize the hurt now she caused me in the r/s and I stayed in it hoping it would get better. I know now that I can't be with her. Her manipulation continues with emails, voice mails, and now a package every day (but all have been purged). I refuse to let her in my head. I am fearful for what comes today. But... .I am strong and thanks everyone for the support that I get here.
Title: One week of NC and still staying strong Post by: Dub 1 on December 23, 2011, 08:19:08 AM Well done & keep up the good work.
I know its hard to nc , but its the right way forward. I realize all the madness she put me through & my hopes that we would go back to the idealisation. But that never happen & now its time to move on. Blessings Title: Re: One week of NC and still staying strong Post by: 2010 on December 23, 2011, 02:01:19 PM Excerpt Her manipulation continues with emails, voice mails, and now a package every day (but all have been purged). What do you mean by "purged?" Do you mean that you allow her actions and then disallow a reaction to them? Not responding to these advances can seem like the silent treatment to a Borderline, which amps up her dysregulation and continues her reaching out- (or as you say "manipulation." That's allot of energy expended to "purge" your system of anxiety concerning her efforts. If you really wanted to stop this relationship - you'd tell her- and you'd block all ways and means of access after you told her. You'd also make it known to her that it really *is* over- rather than continuing to accept the emails, voice mails and a "package a day." Wouldn't it be better for you to nip this clean? While you may want to keep these avenues open because it gives you a sense of mastery over the ending of a relationship-if you don't make it a point to have firm boundaries -you are both hurting each other. Let go and let her know it's over. Title: Re: One week of NC and still staying strong Post by: OTB on December 23, 2011, 02:07:02 PM Excerpt Her manipulation continues with emails, voice mails, and now a package every day (but all have been purged). What do you mean by "purged?" Do you mean that you allow her actions and then disallow a reaction to them? Not responding to these advances can seem like the silent treatment to a Borderline, which amps up her dysregulation and continues her reaching out- (or as you say "manipulation." That's allot of energy expended to "purge" your system of anxiety concerning her efforts. If you really wanted to stop this relationship - you'd tell her- and you'd block all ways and means of access after you told her. You'd also make it known to her that it really *is* over- rather than continuing to accept the emails, voice mails and a "package a day." Wouldn't it be better for you to nip this clean? While you may want to keep these avenues open because it gives you a sense of mastery over the ending of a relationship-if you don't make it a point to have firm boundaries -you are both hurting each other. Let go and let her know it's over. It is over. She has been told that one week ago today. She continues to try to contact me. I have blocked her email and don't listen to voice mail messages. She knows its over. If I contact her now then that is a sliver of hope for her and she will have me sucked back into the roller coaster. Still staying strong. I will NOT let these manipulations get into my head. Title: Re: One week of NC and still staying strong Post by: realityhurts on December 23, 2011, 02:18:30 PM Good for you OTB |iiii
I sort of eased myself into N/C... I wish I'd just bitten the bullet straight away. (sneaky peaks on FB etc) I've got to say, I admire everyone's resolve on this board. I'm fighting myself with N/C. If I was getting constant emails, texts, phone calls etc then I'd crumble. Arrrggh... addiction. Title: Re: One week of NC and still staying strong Post by: OTB on December 23, 2011, 02:23:20 PM Good for you OTB |iiii I sort of eased myself into N/C... I wish I'd just bitten the bullet straight away. (sneaky peaks on FB etc) I've got to say, I admire everyone's resolve on this board. I'm fighting myself with N/C. If I was getting constant emails, texts, phone calls etc then I'd crumble. Arrrggh... addiction. I know... .I talked to my T today because after therapy yesterday I had another package and I freaked. She called me today. I told her that I didn't fall off the wagon and I was still hanging tough. Now... .you have to know that my ex is in Europe and I am in the US so she only has emails, phone calls and packages to get at me. I feel sorry for her... .kinda guilty about breaking it off, but I needed my sanity back. NC is damn tough! Title: Re: One week of NC and still staying strong Post by: A New Leaf on December 23, 2011, 08:48:51 PM Hi!
OTB, sorry to chime in here so late, I am sorry you had a hard day. OTB, you KNOW that you are doing that right thing and this is the time to remember why you wanted to 'graduate' to the Leaving Board. She is not going to become less jealous in regards to your son, remember the trip to NYC? red-flag You would have to give up everything to move to Europe and she is unstable. No can do. She more than understands your reasons for ending, she doesn't want to accept them, thus the blame she is projecting and now, the gifts and "we can work on it, IF you would just... .xyz". She is not going to change. Breaking up, no matter the reason, is always hard on both people. The only way to your future, free of the obsession and the drama is to keep marching forward. These holidays are a bear to get thru, but you are doing fine. Keep going. All the best, Leaf Title: Re: One week of NC and still staying strong Post by: OTB on December 24, 2011, 02:08:36 AM Hi! OTB, sorry to chime in here so late, I am sorry you had a hard day. OTB, you KNOW that you are doing that right thing and this is the time to remember why you wanted to 'graduate' to the Leaving Board. She is not going to become less jealous in regards to your son, remember the trip to NYC? red-flag You would have to give up everything to move to Europe and she is unstable. No can do. She more than understands your reasons for ending, she doesn't want to accept them, thus the blame she is projecting and now, the gifts and "we can work on it, IF you would just... .xyz". She is not going to change. Breaking up, no matter the reason, is always hard on both people. The only way to your future, free of the obsession and the drama is to keep marching forward. These holidays are a bear to get thru, but you are doing fine. Keep going. All the best, Leaf Leaf... .thanks so much for the reminders. They do help when I wonder why I broke up with her. I went out tonight and had a great night which boosted my confidence. So... .I am marching on! Thanks for the support |