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I went out with my BPD sister the other night for the first time in about 6 months. We were having "normal" conversation and "getting along". Then, after many drinks later... .the serious BPD stuff emerges, she ended up telling me she basically hates me and starting a huge argument out of the blue. Anyone else notice an increase in BPD behavior after a pwBPD has been drinking?

I don't know if this is typical, and it probably isn't, but alcohol was nearly the only thing that my EnDad could use to get mother to stop her behavior (temporarily). She had a very low tolerance for alcohol, so after just a few drinks, it was sleepy time, lol! Of course, alcohol lowers a person's inhibitions, so during the short time they would be drinking, she was non-stop complaining, arguing, and blaming. (I was usually in bed by that time, so it didn't involve me although I would sometimes sneak around so I could hear it). I don't remember her ever raging bad when they would drink before bed, I think because the alcohol slowly drained her energy to the point where eventually the nasty talk just sounded like slurred drunken speech. It was something EnDad did not discover or make use of until the final years of their marriage. Many nights ended like that. Unfortunately, the next morning, she was back to her old self again and, due to work and other responsibilities, they did not drink during the day.

Ohhhh yes! Drinking, getting other people to drink so their guard is down, it's all fuel for the fire in my pdf. I only just realized when my mother would keep cajoling me to have a drink no matter how many times I would say "no thank you", it wasn't because she wanted to be "cordial" if you'll pardon the pun. It served two purposes: so that she wouldn't feel like I was "better" than her for not drinking and to weaken me for the eventual kill that would come later after a couple of drinks. It's a lot easier to push someone's buttons or bully them when they aren't too clear thinking.  

Drinking is\was a big part of the pdfoo's life. Or at least it was; I haven't seen them in a long time. Although, the last time we saw them we had taken them out for dinner, and I just found pictures of them from that night on my cel phone - they have giant glasses of alcohol in their hands.  

I'm sure it does. Alcohol makes people lose their inhibitions--there's a reason that some call it "truth syrum." :)

My uBPD mother and enDad not only rarely drink, but hate alcohol in general. They refer to my recovering alcoholic aunt (sober for 15 years!) still as "The Drunk," and have given disapproving looks to DH and me when we've had the occasional beer in front of them. The *only* time that alcohol is acceptable is at a Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner table, and that's limited to one glass of wine.

It's not the fact that they don't drink that bothers me; it's the judgement. You're either a teetoller or a "drunk" in their opinions. Hello black-and-white thinking!

Completely my experience with uBPDm in childhood. 

The alcohol seemed to lower her ability to regulate her feelings of persecution and she would just lash out at anyone or anything that came within visible range.

From GeekyGirl:


This is interesting. I think it does really highlight the black-and-white thinking. I wonder what would happen though, if your parents drank? Maybe they don't like it because they lose control and not to their advantage?

I think it interacts with BPD in all kinds of weird ways.  Alcohol can be used to self-medicate when pwBPD are feeling anxious or unhappy (which, as I understand it,is most of the time), and alcoholism -- repeated, habitual use of alcohol, to the point where it interferes with everyday activities -- can be one symptom/result of pwBPD's lack of impulse control -- and, as others have pointed out, can then lower whatever inhibitions they did have.  And once a pwBPD has a well-established pattern of drinking, they can have all the same symptoms as a non-BPD alcoholic, including high tolerance, which can make it harder to realize that they're drunk, even if they're behaving oddly. 

uBPD stepmother (at least when I was still interacting with her, which was a while ago) seems to get almost manic when she's drunk (which tends to happen when she's feeling anxious/insecure), then becomes morose within 24 hours.  At least from the outside, it looks like a rapidly-cycling version of bipolar disorder.  Whether it makes her "more BPD" I'm not sure, since I mostly see her BPD symptoms second-hand, in accusations and interpretations of my behavior passed on by my father. 

She can also use drinking as manipulation.  At one point when she was resisting contact with me (and when I'm pretty sure my father was concerned about her drinking, and had mentioned that to her), they accepted an invitation to dinner at my home, only to show up with a very large, half-empty bottle of vodka (not entirely unreasonable, since, although I'm not a teetotaller, I don't keep a full, stocked bar).  She kept the bottle by the door, and proceeded to drink the stuff like water, from a water glass, all evening.  I can't remember her seeming particularly drunk, or nasty, or otherwise BPD-ish, but the message to my father was pretty clear: "see, making me spend time with your daughter is driving me to drink." 

So, yes, it can form part of the mix, but as GeekyGirl's story also shows, the role it plays can vary a lot. 

All throughout my childhood, my uBPDm claimed she was "allergic" to wine.  But after my siblings and I became adults and everyone else was drinking wine with dinner, she suddenly discovered that she was no longer allergic to alcohol!  I first saw her drink when I was an adult, and her behavior after a glass or two was just so incredibly embarrassing.  It was all of her manic traits magnified 100%: Jokes that made no sense, loud laughter at inappropriate times, insisting that she has some kind of secret insight into everyone's thoughts, rapid speech, endless monologues about inconsequential details of her life.  It made me wonder whether she made a conscious choice to stop drinking at some point in her early adulthood, but couldn't admit that it was because it made her act EVEN CRAZIER than she already is all the time.  So she invented this "allergy" that mysteriously disappeared when she got too old to care about letting the crazy out in public.

And to address another comment above, during my childhood and adolescence, my mother acted like anyone who enjoyed drinking - even the occasional glass of wine - was a stumbling drunk who ought to be ashamed of him/herself.  When I eventually insisted, as an adult, that she could not control me by insisting that I not drink a glass of wine with dinner in her presence, it was like flipping a switch.  Suddenly my father (PD of some kind, maybe, or maybe just an ass, but always enabling), started drinking as much as he liked - which, it turned out, was rather frequently.  And just as suddenly, my mother's "allergy" disappeared along with her over-the-top judgments about drinking. 

And here's the BIG SURPRISE: My siblings both have severe substance abuse issues.  I have used substances to self-medicate but am not an addict, though I could well have gone that route.  Thanks Mom!

Thanks for the replies! I would like to hear some more stories if anyone has any, especially if they are still in contact with their pwBPD.

My BPD sister has not called or contacted me since this event the other night and I have a feeling she is either ashamed of her ridiculous behavior or has somehow convinced herself that I am evil and deserve to be punished. Like I need to come crawling in apology to her for some reason.

The fact of the matter is, I keep hoping to have normal interactions with my sister, as we are close to the same age, both single and I just moved to a new city where she lives and I know no one.

We went out to have a "good time together". However, I should know better. I always pay for everything and end up feeling like the babysitter, as she runs off with whoever becomes her interest of the moment at the bar. She completely ignores me, gets all waify and queeny or hermity if she feels she is not the center of attention, then becomes a mega witch at the end of the night when I say "I am going, its like 4am and you should come too, because I drove us here and you have no way of getting home". She had no money to pay for a cab either, nor her phone with her. She insisted that she would get a ride with the perfect strangers standing around her. I insisted that she come home with me (for her own benefit and safety- right?) and then the rage began as I drove us back home.

I felt like I was a parent picking up the naughty teenager from a drunken rebellious night out... .it was so ridiculous! I feel like such a fool for trying to hang out with her like normal 30 something sisters would do... .WTH is wrong with me?

The same thing happened with me. After using alcohol and becoming an addict my friend used to hate me and her behavior changed towards me. But I really loved her and wanted to help her. So took her to opiate detox norfolk (http://www.unitymedgroup.com/) center where she got treatment for the addiction and now become normal.