BPDFamily.com

Hi all, I'm curious.

Can someone explain to me the difference between the 2? She was diagnosed with BPD traits by a T. She seems to think that just having traits is not behing BPD or something. The fact that she might be missing 1 out of the 9 justifies not getting into some real treatment? Her T really enabled her by saying you seem to have traits.

I'm just curious and trying to understand the decease better. Maybe it will help figure out what the hell ran over me like a train.

Cheers

"BPD Traits"- are actions that everyone does.  For example, I like to be "impusive" at times.  I've had a few bad r/s's.  (as I am sure we have all experienced some of theses feelings.)  Does this mean that I am BPD?  I am not BPD because I like to act a little borderline (crazy) at times, these actions are considered BPD Traits.  WE ALL HAVE "TRAITS!"

If you research anytype of PD, we ALL act in certain ways which may be similar to certain criteria in the DSM-IV.

A diagnosis of BPD, means that the person meets 5 of the 9 criteria according to the DSM-IV.

This confused me as well when I first started looking into BPD, but then I looked at the criteria for the disorder closer.  Not that it matters, as this is my x's cross to bear, but it helped me to know that I WAS NOT CRAZY!

It kind of sounds like the line her T  gave her, was VERY generic, and very ambiguous... .That's like saying, you have a tumor in your chest, which is growing, and starting to impact area areas of your body as it keeps growing... .BUT  "It's NOT cancer?"

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, chances are IT'S A DUCK!

Hope that helps!

MCC   

MCC summed it up for you nicely |iiii

hard for me to understand why a therapist would bother telling someone, especially someone with BPD traits, they merely "have traits". it reminds me though that my ex actually brought up both BPD and NPD once in our relationship, and i wish i could recall exactly what she said, but it was something along the lines of she had traits, had been told she had traits, or "was a little bit" BPD or something like that. it doesnt really work that way. like mcc said, we all have traits of BPD. its very easy to read things on the internet, even legit things, and start diagnosing yourself or someone else, and its not even really unique to personality disorders. easy to do the same with physical ailments. you may be a person in suffering, with a childhood background like most pwBPD, but really, youve either got it or you dont, the difference is that pwBPD are not really susceptible to changing their ways, and even for a 'normal' person with that background, its extremely difficult. so really to tell someone they have traits of something is pointless, and yes it seems to have given her licence. i also think a person could have five or more of the symptoms at a given time of their life, and still not be a pwBPD. a self harmer or substance abuser could fairly easily look to either one, could have a very buried sense of self, history of bad relationships, fear of intimacy, whatever. we all fear abandonment, and i know abandonment certainly sent me off the deep end. we also all mirror others to an extent. a person in those circumstances is likely to be even more conscious of trying to please other people with a false sense of self. anyway, just thoughts, but i tend to think this therapist 'quacks' like a duck as well

It might help to look at this thread about how BPD is going to be defined a bit differently under the latest DSM which comes out in 2013. 

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=114843.0

The idea with the new definition is that BPD - like many things in life - is a 'sliding scale' - so it's not really a question of being one side of a line or another but of how severely the various 'traits' impact someone's life over time.

The idea too I think is that someone might have just two or three of the traits - not enough to classify them as 'BPD' under current criteria - but if those two or three traits are in themselves very severe and enduring they will impact that persons life and actions as much as someone who can tick five out of nine boxes and so be classified as 'fully BPD' under current criteria.

This fits with another very good point that was made by a senior member on this board a while ago. This is that someone can not strictly fall into the current definition of BPD - but have traits - and that that can still have a very negative effect on their romantic partners. So I guess we come back to having to make a judgement based on how people treat us... .that's the gold standard.

She's in therapy. Is it possible that you are trying to effect an outcome that is favorable for you? Do you want a validation that she has a diagnosis for your peace of mind? Or do you wish to discuss her therapy with her as a friend?

https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a109.htm (https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a109.htm)

9) Belief that you need to stay to help them.

"You might want to stay to help your partner. You might want to disclose to them that they have borderline personality disorder and help them get into therapy. Maybe you want to help in other ways while still maintaining a _

Thank you all for the great insights. She's not in therapy and refusing to take any medication she was recommended by her T and familly doctor.

Did not sleep much last night. The few interactions I had with her in the last few weeks have pushed me back in my healing. Finally realize I can't help her anymore.

It's kind of like, I've spent a year and half trying so hard to help someone at my own detriment and now I'm just a peice of xx to her.

Back to the basics for me. Man she screwed my head big time. Today I'm in the super angry at her zone. Tomowor I'll see, one day at a time.

go back to article 9 - read it over and over, this is all very true and keeps us stuck from accepting the facts.