BPDFamily.com

Hi there

I just wondered what people's thoughts were on my ex's behaviour.

He is NPD and BPD, I am sure.

Since see left the relationship 6 months ago, he has shown regret in terms of hurting me, and for his (unspecified) faults in the relationship, but he has not shown any signs of missing me, wanting me nor seeing anyone else.

I'm the only person he has ever had a relationship with (a proper one), I was his first sexual partner, and he lived with me for half the week.

Has anyone else had this type of thing happen?

JP

x

Hi Jessicapuppy,

Mine is more NPD than Borderline too, and they way Narcs can move on is a bit more final than Borderlines as I understand it

I was his first major r/s, first sexual partner, and he stayed over 2-3 days per week for 18 months

Mine has never shown regret for hurting me, other than when his behaviour was so disgusting that other people remarked on it. He only apologised then because of their reactions and not because of any remorse he naturally felt.

Never shown any signs of ever having missed me. But has been in 3 - 4 relationships since me. All very brief and all ending dramatically.

Went silent on me in early December and has not communicated since. Like I never happened

; ( bb12

I wasn't her first, she wasn't mine. She did stay here more often than not, but always left her bag packed like she was ready to run out the door at any time. Which she frequently did. She hasn't shown any signs of regret for how she's hurt me, what her part of how things went down between us was, she's not trying to make it up to me or even trying to communicate any more on just a friendly level. Years of being together, getting me to prove myself to her, seeing that I did prove myself, and it ends up like this? Silence and goodbye. It doesn't seem as if she misses me, her actions sure show otherwise. Inside herself, I'd have to think she must, she said I was the one who was the closest with her ever. But how much of that was her just saying what she thought she needed to, not what she really felt? It's the unanswered questions that stick with a lot of us the longest. Closure? We're done. Case closed. Wish it made more sense though.

It hurts that she hasn't shown any signs of remorse, never apologized for hurting me, just left the blame when it was obvious she was the one doing what she was accusing me of. My hurts now, not hers. I need to deal with them myself. Is she with someone else now? I wouldn't know and do not want to know. Before me, she'd been alone for a while, she's not always just jumping from person to person. We didn't have cheating going on between us either. It's not the sex so much for her as just having somebody to triangulate with. Sympathy with her false protrayals of who has hurt her, how she was just a victim. I'd imagine there's someone like that in her life, or that's what she's looking for. Gave up a marriage to go find that instead? It just shows the disorder even more. So sad. Such a waste. It leaves a lot of people hurting in the wake of it.

Regret?  I'm still out on this one.  I think those BPDs who are going through DDT are able to feel regret.  Folks who complete DBT have my utmost respect.

BPD/NPDs only feel regret when they don't have anyone cause the emptiness inside of them is kicking their butts and they have no distractions. 

In order to feel regret you have to believe you made a mistake and take responsibility for it.  I have seen BPD/NPDs occasionally accept responsibility for small things but all the rest is someone ease's fault.

I noticed that my xBPDh showed more regret when he sold a van than he did when he left me. 

He went on and on about that van - how maybe he had done the wrong thing, maybe he wouldn't like the new vehicle as much, maybe he would have problems with the new vehicle when the old van ran so well. 

Yet he left me for the replacement without any regret at all - or so it would appear!