BPDFamily.com

Please take the poll above!

There are many books available to help us cope with the wounds of loving someone with a mental illness.  Some of these resources are not yet being utilized here at bpdfamily.com.  This poll is to discover the best possible way to explore these resources for our benefit.  The initial results of the poll will be focused  on possible resources for helping the children of parents with mental illness.  The results will be utilized later on as the focus shifts to adult children, siblings, friends and relationship partners of those with mental illness.

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"Pictures in the Dark" by Patricia McCord.

(http://www.photo.goodreads.com/books/1312022590l/1608433.jpg)

2005  McCord has written a taut, powerful story about family dynamics when one parent is suffering from a mental illness and the other fails to recognize the problem. The bond between the sisters grows and is strengthened through adversity. Though there is no pat resolution, the book has a strong message of hope, love, and forgiveness.   Novel about 2 girls w/a mentally ill mom. For Adolescent girls

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"When a Parent is Depressed:  How to Protect your Children from the Effects of Depression in the Family" by William R. Beardslee.

(http://www.covers.feedbooks.net/item/106239.jpg?size=large&t=1340280668)

2003  This groundbreaking work is the first book to look at depression as an illness that affects the entire family, not just the individual.- 17.5 million Americans suffer from some form of depression, and 9.2 million have major or clinical depression.

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"Sometimes My Mommy Gets Angry" by Campbell Lewis.

(http://www.strandbooks.com/resources/strand/images/products/partitioned/8/5/8/0399239723.1.zoom.jpg) The author's goal is to offer children resilience by introducing coping strategies and helping them to understand that they are not to blame for their parents' difficulties.

2010 For Children 5 yrs +

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"Something Is Wrong At My House" by Davis and Neely.

(http://ia700801.us.archive.org/zipview.php?zip=/29/items/olcovers72/olcovers72-L.zip&file=720466-L.jpg)  

Based on a true story, this 32-page book shows a child seeking, and finally obtaining, help in a domestic violence situation.

2010 For Children 6 yrs +

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"Wishing Wellness: A Workbook for Children of Parents With Mental Illness" by Clark.

(http://imagethumbnails.milo.com/003/803/302/trimmed/3803069_19819302_trimmed.jpg)

2006  For Children 6+ With parents w/intense mental illness and those requiring hospitalization or day treatment.  These children's sense of belonging, competency, and identity can be harmed or jeopardized. This workbook addresses this, and is designed to allow children to process their thoughts, feelings, and experiences while learning more about their parent's illness. The presentation and pace of information is intentionally slow, so that artistic activities and "off-task" time will help kids relax and better integrate what they have learned.

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Additionaly, can you please answer the following questions:

1. How likely are you to order/read a book not on the Ftf recommended reading list or Book Review

   Board if it addresses your personal situation?

   a) Definitely

   b) Likely

   c) Not likely

2. How likely are you to participate in a book review here at Ftf with the aid of a staff member?

   a) Definitely

   b) Likely

   c) Not likely

3. How likely are you to read a book that has positive reviews on the Ftf Book Review board?

   a) Definitely

   b) Likely

   c) Not likely

Ok, I will throw one in that might be a little unconventional

Divorce poison.  I read it when contemplating divorce but found much of it useful for basic parenting dynamics


And PET.  Parent effectiveness training.  It's for children, but many of the principles are equally useful when in a BPD relationship.  So a dual use.

Technical quesiton: could not select more than one book in poll at top.

I have been busy this week with my girls - BPDDD26 and gd7. My needs are for books that help me be a better grammy/mommy for gd7 - this is my primary goal, or needs to be my primary goal. And to help support a more healthy connection with her mom with mental illnesses. When DD26 has higher needs for my help and advocacy (often with accompanying dysregualtion of her mood) I see gd digress in her coping skills, anxiety - exp. seperation anxiety, anger with everyone at home, wanting to be at school all the time (thankfully school is a very safe feeling place for her this year).

I would have selected as my addt'l choice wishing wellness - and maybe share this with gd's T so we could work on it as a team.

Questions:

1. Definitely order any book that seems appropriate based on publisher review and online bookstore reviews

2.I would be very likely to participate in a review here at bpdfamily.com

3.I tend to read anything that fits my situation that is included in book list - need a reference on the board I post to (supporting our kids with BPD mostly)

Great direction for the boards. |iiii

qcr

Are these books to be read to a child?  SOMETIMES MY MOMMY GETS ANGRY SOUNDS good, but my dd or any pwBPD would feel attacked if seeing it.  I wish the title was SOMETIMES MY MOMMY OR DADDY GETS ANGRY.  Or, is this a book for us to read and discuss coping strategies with our young ones? 

And, the book regarding domestic violence perhaps may fit my situation.  As my gs has witnessed his dad slapping or shoving his mother. They don't live together.  But, his dad can lose his cool with my dd.   

I will read more on the reviews. 

Answers to questions:

1. b

2. a

3. b

I have ordered a few books recommended from this site.  The one pertaining to children was AN UMBRELLA FOR ALEX. 

Thank you for your questions peaceplease,

Yes, the book "Sometimes my Mommy Gets Angry" is to be read to the child... .

As a Grandparent it would be appropriate... .if thier mom gets angry... also... .if dad gets angry... .the affects on the child can be the same in many ways.  The important thing is to help the child understand it is not their fault.  Keeping the book at your house instead of sending it w/gs would be best.


lbjnltx

I would most likely order a book if it addresses my situation with my daughter and grandchildren, and would be happy to take part in a review.  I have been actively looking for books to help my grandchildren understand mummy's situation, but being this side of the 'pond' it's not always easy to access the same literature

Hiya,

I wouldn't want to read any of the books because they don't suit my situation. But... .PET - Parent Effectiveness Training - was a 'course' available about 20 years ago and I think it is highly valuable.

cheers,

Vivek  

Thanks for your input Vivek ,

Do you recall, if the skills taught to parents in PET are in line w/what you learned here at ftf?... .or in the book by Valerie Porr?

lbjnltx

I did a short STEP course, based on PET. Sadly, I was unable to do PET - I wish I could have. My niece did and she has two beautifully balanced children including a d who could easily have fallen into a BPD type situation.

From memory it was powerfully empowering for the parent and gave them the skills to parent effectively. If I were to use our language it was about boundary setting - but it was oh so much more than that. And put in the context of how to manage raising your child and coping with that challenge - from childhood through. It was for any parent, not just those who were having difficulty with the role.

The STEP course I did over a short day, was wishing washy by comparison.

PET would be the sort of thing I would be able to learn from now even though it is unlikely I would ever have to raise a child again. It would be helpful for my own personal growth.

Sorry can't be more specific,

Vivek

Thanks yeeter and Vivek ... .I will do some research on PET once I get these books reviewed.

lbjnltx

What is PET?  ?

Parent Effectiveness Training by Gordon

In regards to your poll:  Question 1 is (a)   Questions 2 and 3 are both (b)

My gs8 is having a really tough time with his BPD mother.  He has developed a lot of anger (love/hate) towards his mother and now has become aggressive during recess at school.  I have met with the school principal and counselor and they  understand there is a problem at home.  My daughter is now on meds and has started counseling but still refuses to see that most of my gs's problems are due to her eratic behaviour at home and with the family.  I have bought several books that I hope will help him.  I see him once a week and each time we spend time with one or more of these. He does seem to enjoy them.   He's a great kid, very smart.  My husband and I, his father and the school are trying to help him understand and work through this nightmare.

Greetings to you Rosie,

Thank you for participating in the pole.

Below you will find the links to 3 books on the Book Review board.

Please take a look and read the reviews.  See if there is anything that looks like it would be helpful for your precious grandson.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=186318.0

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=185902.0

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=186322.0

If you do read any of these books on the Book Review board let us know how it worked out for your grandson.  If you know of other valuable resources for children or teens please let us know that as well.

God bless

lbjnltx

thanks lbj,

How would I find them if I was 'new' to the board without a direct link... .(so I know where to look when I want to without having to remember to look here... .

I looked at the main book review references and at the one on the 'parent's board' - where am I not looking pls?

Vivek    

The Book Review Board is where you can find books that have been reviewed.  If a book has not had a staff review it may be found on the thread on the Book Review Board titled

"Member  Suggestions: Put Your Stuff Here" highlighted in pink at the top of the page.

For Highly Recommended books specific to a board see the "Recommended Reading" threads at the top of the specific board home page.  All of the books from the Recommended Reading lists should also be listed individually on the Book Review Board.

lbj

A piece that I really liked about the PET was in not owning other people's emotions.  Whether child or adult, own your own stuff but don't own theirs

Applies to both children and adults.