BPDFamily.com

First let me say that after reading all your good wishes and prayers for us... .I will get through this!

We decided to hire a lawyer because ds has no recollection at all of what happened that night.  Apparently he walked into someones garage and took two rowing oars and a box of nails. Huh?  Colorado has very tough laws so this is a serious felony while on probation.  Minimum sentence 8 years.

But when the lawyer read the police report he said that it sounded like ds was psychotic at the time and didn't seem to know where he was or why.  It's just a glimmer of hope but if he can try this as a mental health case that my ds was either delusional or that he had a reaction to Ambien (some people sleepwalk or have amnesia as a side effect) he might get the sentence reduced. 

We asked him to push as hard as he can for court ordered long term residential treatment instead of jail.

I spoke with ds tonight and he sounded very calm.  It always amazes me how much his anxiety goes down when he knows he's contained and not left to his own devices.  I think he is so scared all the time when he's out there on his own.

This is once again going to deplete what little money we have left but ds needs help and maybe if we get lucky this arrest will have a silver lining and get him into mandatory treatment.

Whatever happens, whatever the outcome he knows we'll stick by him.  And at the moment he is very grateful.

Big hugs to all of you for your wise words.

Thanks for the update. It sounds like you shouldn't have trouble in getting the courts to understand your son is mentally ill. I think people have heard about the problems that taking Ambien can create. Best of luck to you and your son.

Thursday

Thanks Thursday.  Our biggest worry is that Colorado has very tight mandatory sentencing.  They have very loose gun laws (according to our lawyer) and as a result many women have been killed in domestic violence situations.

So they have very strict laws on everything else and if a person is found guilty the judge has no choice but to give out the mandatory sentence which would be 8 years. The fact that he is already on probation makes it really bad.

I'm scared but we are going to fight for this and we already have our house on the market. I won't give up.

Thanks CFH for the update.

I was worried.  It´s tough, i know. There is hope and as you told your DS need highly organized, strict institution. You are the mother and i trust in what you  felt and i like your insight.
Cfh, you are a great, pious mother as you dh also is. God will provide.

You and your DS are in my prayers.

 

cfh I so hope a long term treatment program is the result. I'm glad you hired a lawyer, so glad. I am sorry you have to sell your house. I do hope this is the turning point for you.

sending lots of positive vibrations across the waves to you, your son and to your lawyer. Let me know when the court date is and I will meditate long and hard for you that day.

Vivek    

Vivek  and Esp,

Thanks... .what a great feeling to know I have people from all around the world pulling for us. Hey it's just a house we'll survive.  Our priority is keeping him out of prison (right now he's only in county jail which is not too scary) but a pwBPD in prison would never make it.  At least not my ds. 

To my great surprise (since I'm not religious) is that he told me he joined a bible study group in jail!  And he likes it.

Wonders never cease!

I'm spreading all the love I have out to all of you.

the bible is a great thing to study. I love the gospel of Matthew and the Sermon on the Mount. I am darned if that doesn't have the best advice on how to live a life within it. I hope he reads that:

'love one another, as thyself, for the love of me.' That's my philosophy and Jesus' sole commandment.

your love is received and returned tenfold, you know like a snowball rolling down a hill and how it gets bigger... .

Vivek    

Vivik

Can you move in with me for a while?

I'm a really good cook and a great baker!

All you have to do is talk and I'll listen!

i'd love to. I love telling people what to do! I can even tell you how to cook!  lol

but... .you're in the northern hemisphere aren't you? I have a glorious day outside my window, it's warm, sunny, clear skies... .I'm not so sure about where you live... .and then there are those funny accents... .I don't know if I could keep a straight face 

tell you what, you come here. We've got a lovely big bedroom and a beaut stove and oven.

waddaya reckon?

Vivek   |iiii

Vivek

Yes sadly our weather in the New York area is not nice at this time of year... .cold, rainy, snowy, yucky.

What accents?  New Yorkers have accents?

We're just a friendly bunch but some think we have an ATTITUDE!

I have a 2 friends from California - now they have ATTITUDE! another from Texas and she is just sweet and warm and gentle.

I don't know how you'd describe Melburnians... .we're, hip, funky and cosmopolitan - into wine, boutique beer and food... .and music... .and SPORT! People I think say we are friendly... .

viv    off to do some real work now!   

Oh we are really into food, wine, beer and music (and hip, funky, cosmopolitan) and soo nice.

Not me but my dh and non BPD ds are crazy for sports!

My brothers family are Texans. They are big believers in charm, good manners and gentility.

Cfh,

What a wonderful news. My DS is reading the Bible also! and he is enjoying a lot. It´s a good way to being mindful. the inspiration the words in there are great , i think. It gives a direction. If you advocate an individualist spirituality that ignores the thousands of ties that bind believers to one another through sacrament, practice and institutional belonging, and if we  call for a theology that divorces Jesus from his Body, the Church, then you’re got an opponent in me. Today we want spirituality without religion, and lots of evangelicals want Jesus without religion. Both end up with abstractions. But the one thing Jesus is not is an abstraction. Rather, he is a spiritual power who makes himself available precisely in the dense institutional particularity of his mystical body across space and time. Jesus didn’t come to abolish religion, he came to fulfill it.

cfh,

Yes, Oars and Nails.  Does sound like he was having an episode, triggered by whatever it may be.  That is the hope in the situation.  I am glad you found a lawyer who knows what he is doing and hope more that Colorado will be kind to your son, and take a stand to be mental health sensitive!  Keep posting, and I am happy that you feel all the support here, and that it is lifting you up.

mik

cfh:  I pray that the court see's that your son may have had a reaction to the meds or mental illness.  Maybe there is a silver lining in here they can do residential treatment.  So I am sending some prayers from a fellow New Yorker and I will be sure to keep my NY attitude out of my prayers (don't want to tick off the big guy when asking for favors)

Griz

cfh - you know I have your family in my thoughts and prayers daily. Also praying for the professionals in your DS life to have wisdom in their decision making processes. Maybe the DA will be willing to find a lower level charge - like criminal mischeif or something like that. Hope they can move it out of the felony realm.

qcr  

I would give the latest update but I find I'm a bit too exhausted, overwhelmed etc.  I know you all understand.

When I feel rejuvenated I will fill you in on what's going on.

Whatever the outcome I think I will be able to accept it with grace (I hope).

Lots of love to all my dear friends.

And, love to you too cfh   

You are in my heart cfh

viv     

I certainly understand and will be here if and when you are up to it.

cfh - thanks for checking in. Be kind to yourself, and your dh. Your DS is safe for this time.  

qcr  

Wishing you a Merry Christmas cfh. Thinking of you and your family!

  cfh,

Thinking of you.  And here when you are ready.  In your time.

mik

Cfh

Thinking of you tonight.

Griz

I'm excited to be seeing ds on Thursday in jail.  A little disappointed because I thought I could give him a big mama hug but they told me we will be separated by glass... .no touching. 

Oh well I'll take what I can get.  He was so sad on the phone last night knowing we were with all the family and he was not.

For today he is safe though, getting seen by a pdoc and getting his meds.

Merry Christmas to all and my wish for a peaceful New Year.

Love from me to you my friends!

Been up since 5 am with a very excited 6 year old gs who just couldn't wait!

cfh - yes I know that jail and 'no-conact' visits. Hands on the glass is better than nothing - hoping it lifts both your spirits to see each other as you talk. Are you in town today - have you registered with jail TODAY and set up appt? If not, hope the jail staff helps you make this work out since you have travelled so far. You will be uppermost in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow.

Little ones make Christmas so very special. Gd7 was spealing in delight starting Christmas Eve - she got to choose one gift to open. And does she ever squeal with volume :)  Today is a bit of let down for us all - normal part of season.

Hang in there - you are a great mom.

qcr    

cfh,

I hope that you have a great visit.  I know that it is difficult with the glass thing. 

Thinking of you.

 

peaceplease

I'm feeling so happy because I got to see ds yesterday and today for a half hour visit.  Screw the glass between us because it was so great and we both kissed the glass wall! Not the time to worry about germs.

I mentally prepared myself for how I would feel seeing him there and hoping I wouldn't cry... .but it wasn't at all like that.  We were both so excited to see each other so there were no tears and he is so outrageously funny that he had me laughing with all his stories.

I don't know how it will turn out.  I don't know how much time he will have to serve.

But it's so amazing to see how calm and relaxed and safe he seems to feel. The jail has good mental health services.

I think the world outside scares him so much that even being in jail gives him some peace from that daily fear because he knows he is safe (from himself?).  Does that make sense?  It does to me.

Qcarolr-thank goodness I read all the paperwork!  If I hadn't called in advance I realize now I would not have been able to see ds. 

Peaceplease, griz, mikmik, speedracer, reality, lovesjazz, viv,beingmindful, esperanca,thanks for the encouragement! Hope I didn't forget anyone.

Thanks everyone for all your positive thoughts.

Lots of love from me.

cfh - so happy for you and ds. thankful he is getting the services he needs. makes me rethink my DD's jail experiences - does she really not know how to ask for services or is she just so angry to realize she needs them?

Hope things continue to be OK for him there. Thanks for keeping up posted.

qcr  

Qcr

Thanks.  In many ways our stories are similar... .we adopted our kids and the troubles showed up at an early age. 

My hope for everyones kiddos is to have a more peaceful and independent future.

cfh, Add me to the similar story... .we adopted and we started seeking services for her when she was 5.

Beingmindful

When the unusual behaviors start so young it's very hard to get answers.  In pre-K my ds teachers started to suggest we get him "tested".  But tested for what? 

He's 29 now so it's been a long journey and one that I never could have imagined all those years ago.

I'm different now, my non ds has been so affected, my marriage is not what it once was but we are still together after 34 years though it's fragile.

My ds in jail is calm and surprisingly happy. 

I don't think I'll ever understand life.

I fly home tomorrow so I have the whole day to myself since there are no visits on weekends.  Think I'll go to see Les Mis.  I'll be that little old lady sitting by herself in the back row!

Cfh I am so happy you are at peace at seeing your ds. The jail services served our ds well.  We saw signs at a very young age also... .but like you said... .for what? Our lives all seem to have twists and turns. Our intent in adopting was to give our children a better life. Perhaps this is a better life than what they would have had.

A little off topic: always wonder if higher risk for adopted kids from?  genetics that put need to relinquish kids inherent in the bio parents? drug/alcohol use pre-natal -- self-medication due to stress, peer pressure, genetics, mental illness in bio parents? Abadonment issues from a very very early, pre-verbal age? Stress hormones pre-natal impacting fetal development?

I could go on and on and on with questions. So few answers! Science will slowly, ever so slowly, give us a few answers for future generations perhaps.

qcr  

I have also wondered what the bio parents genes played in his mental illness. I know he was born at home (he is a foreign adoption). He came into our home at 5 months old. Was a horrible, restless sleeper.

We are in contact with our daughter's birthfamily and are convinced that BPD exists in several members of her family.

cfh How was Les Mis? So glad you found peace over the Holidays!

I do believe genetics plays s huge role in this. I am the product of an unplanned pregnancy between 2 impulsive teenagers. My bio dad had 2 girls pregnant at once! I think my mom was BPD. Although pressured to she did not give me up for adoption. She had many children w different fathers. I never had big problems with myself, but All my kids have issues. There must be strong family history. I never expected this! At a special needs school we were at a majority of the kids were adopted. If they were not there was a family member w issues.

I feel sad & responsible I brought this into the world unknowingly. This is Opposite how people say they feel by adopting & providing good care to kids who would otherwise not have had it.

I hope your son continues to get the care & attention he needs!

Cfh,

I missed you a lot.

It´s interesting, amazing how things can happen when we accept . Your DS is better because the boundaries are there!

And you are taking better chance with the reality as he does.

congrats. You show maturity and i wish this period will help as it is yet.

Love you, CFH