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Hello.

One thing that strikes me about my son 15yo is that, although he is very bright, educated an sociable (when not at home), he has a strange sense of humor.

It seems that what makes him laugh is different than what makes everybody else laugh.

By this, I mean that there is a gap between his way of being and his smartness on one side and his sense of humor on the other.

Have you noticed the same in your kids?

Have a good day,

Survive

 Hi:

I don't know if I would call it a strange sense of humor but my daughter is very funny in a weird sort of way.  She seems to see things differently than most people so she will say things that make you stop and think.  Here is an example.  The other day at work my boss used the expression... .excuses build the house of failure.  I thought it was a great quote.  When she heard it she told him that if you really think about it the quote makes little sense. Her take being that if the end result was a house of failure than excuses would be the perfect nails to use. These kind of things seem to be a perfect example of how her mind works.  She will also state things that make perfect sense to her.  One day my husband mentioned that little dogs bark like they are so tough and often big dogs are gentler when they see each other.  She chimed in with, that makes perfect sense.  Big dogs look at the little dog and they think that is what they look like because they have nothing to compare themselves to.  Little dogs think they are big because when  they look at a big dog that is what they think they look like.  So therefore they both act appropriate for what they perceive as reality.  HuuuuuHHHHHH!.  I guess it makes sense but again in a bizarre sort of way.

I often think our children have a completely different way of seeing things around them.  Is your son artistic or very creative?  That also seems to be pervasive in our children.

Griz

My BPD.d20 sees the world very differently, in a unique, creative, strange, yet beautiful way. What griz says would be similar to my d. To say that she marches to a different drummer would be true. Putting aside the BPD, I see that she will live her life according to her, not to others, on her terms and in her time. Only after I started working on radical acceptance did I see and accept that her outlook on life is really quite beautiful. I am embracing this in her and see it as a gift.

Dear Gritz, Dear Being Mindful,

How interesting are the sentences of Gritz's daughter! I really like the one about dogs.

No, my son has nothing of an artist. He loves history and he loves reading and watching movies. I think he has read more books than the three of us together (and we love reading!).

I agree with the completely different way of seing things. Sometimes more deep and sharp than us.

I also agree that, sometimes this way of seing things and life can be beautiful. But most of the time, it is so sad that it fills me with sorrow

Survive

Dear Survive, Yes, at one time it filled me with sorrow too. It was only after my boundaries were in place, using validation and SET, taking really, really good care of me was I able to start accepting. I am still working on radically accepting. I am no longer consumed with sadness although I do go thru phases of grieving.

From this, I believe that empathy and compassion was able to come forward helping me to use these skills even more.

Being Mindful

I wouldn't call my sons sense of humor strange but he is his own best audience.  He says the things that most people think but would never dare say.  His humor isnt cruel but it is pretty outrageous and usually highly innapropriate.  Though we try to keep a straight face and not encourage this most in the family find it hard not to laugh.  He has no filter.

Try to imaging going to see a stand up commedien and feeling embarrased at the jokes.  We always have to remind him to clean it up when gs6 is around.

When he's careful he's still highly entertaining... .very quick witted.

Ps

My ds is very artistic, creative, musical.  His drawings, writings and songs are quite unusual to me but make perfect sense to him.  It's how he sees the world.

Our ds can be very entertaining. But he can be very blunt and embarrassing also. He has a great personality that draws people towards him... .then the real him comes out and they slowly or quickly disappear... .so sad.

griz,

Your daughter sounds so much like my lost son that I am weeping remembering how he was.  His way of seeing life was so convoluted and complex and I always loved listening to his explanations.  So good for my mind.

The dog thinking explains what I was trying to express in my highly controversial thread on projection.  Because people with BPD are floating in the world of trance and vision most of the time, they are reflecting the world around them, they are like ever-changing mirrors of the environment.  Until they mature with life experience, usually in their mid or late twenties, they are floating in dreamland.  They are so porous that their identity is very fragile, I wouldn't say empty, I maintain just highly fragile.  My son had identity to burn, yet his mirroring, trancing was way more powerful. 

The more emotional pain they experience, the furthur they go into their trances.  I know Linehan says they cut to regulate emotions.  I think they cut to bring themselves back to physical reality.  I think they eat because it is physical.  It brings them out of the trance, yet once freed from the trance, they are in the physical world and they hate the way their body has become because of the overeating and so the cycle continues. 

My son had a brilliant sense of humour, though.  So perceptive, great timing, though when he was younger, it was more awkward, as he was honing his humour skills, playing the crowd to see exactly what worked the most effectively. 

My son was not less, he was more... .

The strangeness, awkwardness in youth becomes the greatness of the mature man and woman.  Our darlings are creating their own pathway of meaning, unique, one they know they can trust... .

Reality

Griz -

Your daughter and mine must be twins... .that is exactly the kind of "logic" she would display and it was usually quite entertaining.

Then, as lovesjazz said, the real her came out and there would be no more friends... .other than the pot heads or the guys in the woods

I've said this before about her perceptual reasoning test, which the first time she took she scored in the "retarded" zone ( psych actually said that), and we had her do that section of the test over and she scored like 90 on the iq scale... .lower but still within the normal range. All the other sections were in the 120s, so she was bright enough. We were pretty unhappy with the psych... .

(test example:

There are four pictures - a cat, a dog, a bear and a house.

Which one does not belong?

My dd would say the bear... .because the other two are domesticated and live in houses!)

Fast forward a few years taking exams. Always anxious, never did great, sometimes really awful. We would go over tests later, and only a few times did we find that she did not understand concepts. Mostly her mistakes were silly, small errors, reading directions too fast, getting sloppy, etc. But her testing ability always depressed her.

We always tried to encourage her, figure out different ways to study... .even when she just did the work and took the tests she was a B- student... .but then she would quit trying and fail.

It was a hard thing to watch.

My brother just came over for dinner with his wife and two daughters ages 27 and 31... .not married, gorgeous, smart, underemployed in New York but happy working on other stuff... .and we told funny stories about dumb things we did as parents and kids... .and laughed and laughed. I didn't realize that my life is missing thinking about so many of these memories because my dd takes up WAAAAY too my of my thoughts... .need to go have new experiences I can laugh about... .

FM

FM

My dd never laughed from the age of 12 to 16 when she had her first crisis. How sad is that. Now she does find things funny.

The thing we notice is that she says the funniest of things. We have some paintings on the wall, the artist name is on the bottom, Lucy Willis, when dd was around 11, I saw her looking at it, she said "why does it say lucky willies on the painting"  I thought that was strange. She calls a carvery, calvery.

when she worked in a charity shop the boss said to her, get the t shirts and cut all the tags out of them then throw them away, dd threw the t shirts away instead of the labels.

When we were in Switzerland in a chalet she went to bed early, while she was asleep her sis went outside to shut the shutters so it would be nice and dark, when dd woke it was so dark she thought she was blind, she just sat there wondering what dog she should get.

When we went to dentist dd drank the mouthwash.

hahaha what a character eh. But dont laugh, she will go mad. But I cant help it.  

heronbird:

Those stories made me really laugh.  Thanks

Griz

Dear Heronbird,

Me too. Thank you! It has become so rare to laugh!

May the new year fulfill all the most important wish of each one of the participants in these boards!

 

Survive

Well you know, you have to laugh, you just do.

I hope you all have a good newyear and that we all get a nice break and a better year in 2013  

Well we just got a late Christmas card from ds in jail and I guess his sense of humor can be a bit strange!  Here are some quotes

"Merry Christmas Momma and Poppa Bear!  I'm actually having fun with my cellie right now we are making fun of the Statue of Liberty wondering why it's green. Obviously it's copper dioxide, I wonder if that's written COo2, I feel like that's totally incorrect but if carbon dioxide is CO2 then copper dioxide aka rusty copper has to be COo2.  Screw it... .nuff science... .how my rents doin?"

"Gotta go and try to hunt down some coffee and party like there ain't no to-maya!  Rock out with your socks out.  Catcha on the flip!" 

Hmmm... .and I sent him to such good schools when he was young! Happy to hear that he and his cellie are getting along so well. Just figured out that "rents=parents".  LOL

cfh,

So funny!  So like Will!  Happy-go-lucky as can be.

Reality

So funny, Cfh!

And I also like the way you write it!

:)

Survive