BPDFamily.com

Hey guys!   I'm  piggy backing off of a reply that RoofTop posted in a different topic, but it reminded me of my own experience.

In March of 2011, I was out shopping  with a pal, and a pyscic approached, She told me that  she wanted to share something with me.  Her reading was :

You met a man, and you love him already. You don't want to admit it, because you feel its too soon. He has someone else, but he deals with her for different reasons than he does you.  He loves you and he wants to be with you.  He is trying to figure things all out. In April he will put you first. You  will give him a child and GA will not be your permanent home.  He is your soul mate, and if you guys split up, neither of you will ever be happy.  You will be looking for him every where you  go and in every person you see after.

In real life... .  he was married, i found out  within a week or two after this. I did love him then ( we had been seeing each other for 2 or 3 months), shortly there after he he started doing the whole push and pull thing ( then I assumed it was because he was married and tuggin between doing what is right, and what felt good * I know i struggled with that, it was srong of me to see him).

The other stuff didn't happen right away.  April 2011 passed, and of course because other things had happened so quickly, I just assumed  the rest would, so I just forgot about it.

Then  in April 2012, his wife moved to another state, and he asked to move in so we can start our life together.  This is also when he started to  become more protective of me, and lashing out violently.


***** I never  shared this information with him, because in the begining, it freaked me out. It would have meant telling him I loved him, and I was scared to do that.

Well, of course, over the last  2 years, we have tried over and over to get pregnant.  When he was going throught hisnegstive phases, we threw it up in each others faces that  we didn't have a child together, so maybe it isn't  meant to be. But when he was in his happy/adoration stages, thats all he talked about. How badly he wanted a little girl, and how that  would make us family, and connct our to boys to each other.


When things started to get sour, i would  go back to  my journal ( I had written down what she said to me) and laugh.   it didn't make since hat  he was my soulmate, when we can't get riht for long, and do I want to date another dude like him, is this really the standard I'm going to set for myself, hell no.  And a baby, what baby, I barley  was able to carry the one I have ( I took metformin to fix my pcos,  that cause me to ovulate, blah blah blah), so i don't even think I can get preggo.

So it left me wondering, whose perspective do pyscics read from?  Was she seeing things from My eyes or his?

How ever... .  I read my joural last night, and the crazy thing about it was, the stuff  that  didn't make since, clicked.

I am looking for him everywhere I go, but its not a particually good thing, since he is following me , and I swear, I will be looking for alll the signs of crazy ( which I know because of dealing with him) to make sure my next partner is far from what he is ... .    lol, but not.


That would also mean that  our crazyness isn't over... .  Yikes :)

What do you believe. Do you think pyschics are real? Do you  think our destiny is pre-determined, or do we make our own fate?  Also, if you  can explain how psychics "work", that would be cool too!  Lets make this one fun :)

Smart woman,

It's not an uncommon feeling on this board to believe that you and your exBPD were pre-destined to be together on a soul mate level. And of course you feel it even more so because it was validated by a psychic. I can completely relate to your feelings. The feelings of being with them: the magicalness, the highs and lows, the break up to make ups, the sex, the passion, the sex... .  :) :) :) When my exBPDbf was in my life his name was ":)estiny" in my cell phone contacts because our connection felt so powerful. I was married and living with my husband when I met my BPD and all of a sudden ten years of marriage turned into pixie dust because the connection made with the BPD was so overpowering. Up until that point I was never unfaithful to my husband. Just lonely, lost, bored, and in limbo. My husband didn't have that spark, that fire... .  but of course my BPD counterbalanced all of that... .  

I do believe that meeting our BPD significant others is no accident. But I also believe that we attract our BPD's as an opportunity to fix what's broken inside of us. There within lies the inherent gift in these relationships. These relationships have a crash and burn destiny; an expiration date.  They do not end well for a reason. The pain they cause is your blessing and your gift.  In the beginning it will feel like a curse.

But often we stay with them way past the expiration date because of our own fear of being wrong about them,  we invested so much in them and we want our payoff. We don't want to face our own inner ugly: the pain, the emptiness and our own twisted codependent thoughts. It hurts like hell.

Smart woman. I went from seduced, idealized, valued, desired, validated to abused, shamed, bullied, lied to, triangulated, projected on within a matter of months.  My ex even physically assaulted me. I went from having a fantasy love of unbelievable lovemaking to literally sleeping with the enemy.

Smartwoman. They are our soul-mates but not for the reason we want to believe they are. They are our soul mates because of the shared brokenness. BPD relationships are a toxic dance. There are no winners or skipping off happily in the sunset. They are deja vu to us because they remind us of our own Family of Origin Issues in powerfully similar ways. My ex rejected me often, invalidated me often, cheated, lied... .  turns out he was an emotional replica of my mother. I was trying to fix my mother through him if that makes any sense.

I can now admit how originally lonely, empty, sad, abandoned, ashamed I have felt about myself my entire life. Meeting the BPD now makes all the sense in the world. We mirrored each other on the outside and inside. He's is simply more pathological.

Spell

Much of this makes total sense, the only thing I will add is that people with BPD also have a strong sense of who they can exploit, so they work hard on the ones like us that want to save them and/or are needy/co-dependent.  My exBPD was a blessing because it allowed me to have perfect timing in meeting my now fiancée who is everything my exBPD was not.

And for the record I think psychics are a total scam and manipulate desperate people.

Psychics are as good as car mechanics. Some are good, some are not, some are good with certain models and components, some are generalists. All have good days and bad days. Ultimately... .  Trust your own senses.

I had my astrological chart done with my BPDex.  It worked out that he was almost the best match I may ever get, everything was ideal with the exception that he had too much control over me.  Maybe that's why it's so hard to leave him.  But psychics and astrologers cannot see the emotional immaturity and that just cancels out all the beneficial stuff.