Print Page - was he ever, really my partner?

Almost a year out of my last r/s and I am begining to finally accept that he is gone

from my life. I still will never understand the way he ended everything, even my family

and close friends were surprised as they thought he was a lovely man.

I do not want to speak badly of him. I dont know if he has a PD, was stressed or whatever.

All I do know is that this whole experience has virtually shook the very foundations of my being

and I have doubted my own sanity, been close to the edge of finally giving up life.

My children have been the reason for me staying on this planet a bit longer.

This was not my first r/s, I have got through heartache before, only this time it has been the most

painful.

The 4 years I have known my ex, I only met his immediate family once, and that was at

his nephews christening. Any other time that I would have wanted to visit, my ex would make

excuses. It was almost like he was ashamed of me, even though his mother and sister had invited

me to their homes. He just didnt want me there. And that made me feel like crap. Like he was not

really invested in this r/s like I was.

Maybe he thought i was an embarrassment.

Looking back, my ex just found all the problems I was going through with my d 17 and my health

problems too much to cope with. Ive had a difficult few years. My d was hospitalised for suicide

attempts. Later she was diagnosed as BPD.

It all got too much for he and I. My anxiety levels increased and I became low in mood.

My ex mood dipped also. He found it upsetting. I always gave him the option of leaving if

he couldnt handle it. His answer was that he would tell me if he wanted to go and that he

loved me very much.

My ex then got a new job with good career prospects. His plans no longer included me and

he began socialising with other people. He no longer had time for me and I felt him pulling away.

He became interested in another woman and eventually moved in with her.

I have since found out alot of other things about him that have hurt me deeply.

He never said anything. just disappeared. I have felt so sad. More so because we were good

friends. I thought he was my friend.

Anyway I am starting to climb up the ladder of life again. I feel positive about my future and

have been working on my emotional and physical health, slowly but surely.

Regarding a future r/s?

At the present time and perhaps for a long time yet, Id say NO No. The thought makes me ill.

I dont have the capacity to give in a r/s right now. I can handle that.

When my heart mends... . possibly

Happy New Year ((Dancinginthedark)), I hope that this year will bring more healing and joy and peace into your life and heart.

He may have a PD but one thing that I know about my uBPDso is that when I don't feel well, when I am sad, hurt, angry or "dealing with life", he can dysregulate so much easier. He will try to YELL AT ME, in effort, I think to dispel my pain so he doesn't have to deal with it ? The ability to GIVE TO US is just not there with them and when we are "showing our needs" they may feel very insufficient and who knows what else they think about us when WE need something... . also, I believe that they DO love us VERY much until they are unable to see us as we are and paint us "black" and then the relationship is destroyed (imho).

those are just my thoughts on the situation and I hope that you are continuing to MOVE ON with your life. HEAL from this relationship and read the wonderful articles on this site to help deal with your BPD daughter... . wishing you both a wonderful NEW year. Time to look forward.

BPDFamily.com

Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship => Topic started by: dancinginthelight on January 02, 2013, 07:35:45 AM