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Title: I bumped into the other woman today Post by: dancinginthelight on January 03, 2013, 10:23:20 AM ugh... . just my luck
On the way to see my T and whom should be sitting on the same bus as me? Yes, Her, the woman that my ex was cheating on with me! I remained calm but unsettled. after having a good day yesterday, seeing Her has made me so low in mood. She smiled at me but blushed. Then after getting off the bus, she had the audacity to ask if I was ok? :'( How do I handle my anger? My T did not have time to go into this as we went over time. will have to wait for 2 wks till i see T again. Please help, i want to explode with anger but all i can do is cry :'( Title: Re: I bumped into the other woman today Post by: Surnia on January 03, 2013, 11:01:40 AM So sorry, dancinginthedark
Stay a while with your anger... . Can you do something active? Like jogging with rock music or walking, or cleaning with music or name calling to the walls... . Is this the woman he has a baby with? Or another one? Title: Re: I bumped into the other woman today Post by: dancinginthelight on January 03, 2013, 12:03:07 PM Hi Surnia
No, the woman in question was a so called friend of mine and I had introduced her to my ex Its weird because she used to tell me that my ex seemed to intelligent to date me and she didnt think he was my type Anyway, my ex and Her had been meeting up together unbeknowsnt to me and she broke our friendship up by telling me not to phone her anymore and just to see each other if we bumped into one another in the street Now i know why she was such a B***H to me :'( Title: Re: I bumped into the other woman today Post by: gettingoverit on January 03, 2013, 02:48:34 PM Man, with friends like her, who needs enemies? I'm sorry that that happened to you. I know how it feels having a "friend" of mine start dating my exBPDgf behind my back as well. I have to see both of them from time to time, so the anger and sadness you feel is very familiar to me. I find in those situations it helps to remind myself exactly who my x-friend actually ran off with and the same stands for you. Your ex was a total douch bag and clearly two losers have found each other. Let them have each other. As for your "friend", when he starts pulling the same crap on her as he did with you, she will then realize what she did to you, and if she has any integrity whatsoever, she will be ashamed of herself and possibly apologize to you (don't hold your breath though). Nothing changes with these people. Your ex will repeat the same behaviour over and over again, it is just a matter of time. As much as it hurts now, remember that karma or the universe, or God or whatever you believe in will catch up to your "friend", it may just take time. Also look on the bright side, as much as it hurts now, your "friend" actually did you a favour. She gave you the keys to your prison hell hole you were living in with him and unbeknownst to her is serving the sentence for you. Take your freedom and run and don't let the prison gate hit you in @ss on the way out! (I don't mean to poke fun of your pain, just trying to help you see the up side of all of this.) This too shall pass. Keep NC and as days melt into months you will start to feel better and like yourself again.
Title: Re: I bumped into the other woman today Post by: dancinginthelight on January 03, 2013, 03:27:05 PM Hi gettingoverit
Your post did make me smile, thanks :) My blood has been boiling all day over seeing Her. I am a little jealous as she has more to offer my ex. Shes thin, im chubby The thing that most gets me is, she used to tell me it was wrong to date an atheist . I am a christian and so is she and she was very judgemental when I was seeing this guy. It has never mattered to me what religion someone holds, it is the person that I am actually interested in. OOh, i really need to calm down. *) Thank you Title: Re: I bumped into the other woman today Post by: gettingoverit on January 03, 2013, 04:22:58 PM Hey,
Don't compare yourself to her, it's a waste of time. There is nothing she has that you didn't with the exception that as a "Christian" she has very little moral integrity. People like that should be shot, however as far as I see it, they will eventually get everything that they deserve and more just by "stealing" our BPD exes. If it helps find some solace in that. She will get hers eventually. :) Title: Re: I bumped into the other woman today Post by: bpdspell on January 03, 2013, 04:40:05 PM Hey Dancing... .
Crying is a great release so allow yourself to grieve. I'm so sorry that you had to experience this sadness today. But Getting Over It is right; the karma of her betrayal will take care of her soon enough. His BPD is now her problem so she does not win. My ex talked about his daughter's mother like trash. Days after our breakup he's holding hands with her, canoodling and essentially dangling her in my face. It's betraying and hurtful but we need to thank God that they are showing us who they are. As for your feelings of insecurity his BPD has nothing to do with you or your worth. Learn how to love yourself stronger and take back your power because a mentally ill person could never validate your existence. It may feel like you've lost him and she's won but this is only your self-esteem and pride taking a hit. You know that God loves you and accepts you so why invest your emotional energy in proving your worth to a broken person? My ex tried to say that his ex was more attractive then me but I call BS. It's what they do to tear you down and make you feel the misery that they feel on the inside. Cry it out and do something proactive for you. Your feelings of sadness will not last forever. Spell Title: Re: I bumped into the other woman today Post by: dancinginthelight on January 03, 2013, 05:09:59 PM Hi BPDspell
I know this might sound awful to say as I am a christian, not a very strong one, but I have been sort of annoyed and sad in thinking, could God have wanted my ex to meet this woman? Sounds crazy me saying these doesnt it? I was the one that introduced them to each other when my so called friend and I were in a coffee shop. I was planning on meeting my ex in town one day and I happened to bump into her on the way. We decided to have coffee before I met him, then I spotted him crossing the street and waved him over to have a drink with us. Bad move on my part. He hardly noticed me anymore and just seemed to have eyes for my friend :'( A couple of weeks after that day, he left me to be with her. I cant cry, ive no tears left to shed. I only feel intense pain. She shut me off too. I feel so alone. Title: Re: I bumped into the other woman today Post by: bpdspell on January 03, 2013, 05:38:40 PM Hi BPDspell I know this might sound awful to say as I am a christian, not a very strong one, but I have been sort of annoyed and sad in thinking, could God have wanted my ex to meet this woman? Sounds crazy me saying these doesnt it? I was the one that introduced them to each other when my so called friend and I were in a coffee shop. I was planning on meeting my ex in town one day and I happened to bump into her on the way. We decided to have coffee before I met him, then I spotted him crossing the street and waved him over to have a drink with us. Bad move on my part. He hardly noticed me anymore and just seemed to have eyes for my friend :'( A couple of weeks after that day, he left me to be with her. I cant cry, ive no tears left to shed. I only feel intense pain. She shut me off too. I feel so alone. Hey Dancing, You need to have more compassion for yourself. You are being way too hard on yourself and you are taking ownership of the actions of two people who lack integrity. In my opinion God is three things: love, grace and mercy. God's love will get you through this tough time. Prayer works. Surrendering to what is works. Being grateful for the good things in your life help tremendously in shifting your focus off of them. What you are experiencing is normal. It's called sadness in reaction to feeling loss. And it's ok to be sad; you will make it through this. It is helpful to not sulk in your sadness and anger. Do you have family, friends, confidants or a therapist to share your thoughts with? How are you taking care of you? A good therapist can help relieve your crisis mode feelings of sadness and depression. It's important to be proactive so that you aren't obsessing over your hurt. It may not take root now but your ex is mentally ill and there is nothing in your power that can fix that. His new object cannot fix it either. She shut you off because she knows that she is not a true friend. Accept the truth in this. It was mentioned before and i'll reiterate it again: with friends like that who needs enemies? Keep posting and reading. We are here for you and we are here to validate your feelings. We are also here to push you in the direction of self care. Spell Title: Re: I bumped into the other woman today Post by: rooftop on January 03, 2013, 06:04:10 PM Hi BPDspell I know this might sound awful to say as I am a christian, not a very strong one, but I have been sort of annoyed and sad in thinking, could God have wanted my ex to meet this woman? Sounds crazy me saying these doesnt it? I was the one that introduced them to each other when my so called friend and I were in a coffee shop. I was planning on meeting my ex in town one day and I happened to bump into her on the way. We decided to have coffee before I met him, then I spotted him crossing the street and waved him over to have a drink with us. Bad move on my part. He hardly noticed me anymore and just seemed to have eyes for my friend :'( A couple of weeks after that day, he left me to be with her. I cant cry, ive no tears left to shed. I only feel intense pain. She shut me off too. I feel so alone. Hi Dancing - I am back to the baords to check in after 6mths... I am free of my exBPDgf since last February... My ex had her new guy (a "friend" from her past pick her up from the airport on a flight we shared together 2 weeks after she kicked me out... My mother was there to pick me up, which my ex knew, and yet my replacement picked her up and introduced him to me and my mother... . very SICK indeed Moral is, this didnt last, and she lied and said I am making up stories about this guy... She eventually admitted it... I told her not to contact me or my family again and I stuck to it. Oh she tried contacting me for around 4-5mths (txt and calls) but i ignored everything... . she is not with this guy, WILL be unhappy and sad in herself and I couldnt give a rats A@!ss. So, let it go, he doesnt deserve you and this RS will not last, but you shouldnt care as you have YOU and you sound an amazing person who will find a great guy who will make your ex seem like a complete douche bag as he is... Good luck DITD... Rooftop Title: Re: I bumped into the other woman today Post by: dancinginthelight on January 03, 2013, 06:14:11 PM Hi Rooftop
up and introduced him to me and my mother... . very SICK indeed barfy That is terrible "ouch"! I will say the same to you Rooftop, you too shall find an amazing partner Thank you for your reply :) Title: Re: I bumped into the other woman today Post by: susanleona on January 04, 2013, 05:52:21 AM This replacement will be very embarrassed when she too gets replaced or comes to understand what she really has. It's just a matter of time... .
Title: Re: I bumped into the other woman today Post by: byeBlue on January 05, 2013, 06:23:07 AM Hi Dancinginthedark, I work with them: my exBPDbf and his new victim. Everyday. I also sit in the middle. Everyday. I have gone crazy, yes, imagine, but I am still proud of myself, my strength and I am so lucky to have so many good friends around :) who give me a lot of support, trust and real love :). I share my story here, it might help you: He came to the office almost two years ago, all shiny, smart, casual, impeccable, hard worker and looked generous angel. Very handsome and eleven years younger than me. I saw a only colleague, I even thought he was gay for a while. But, just socializing at work... . then little by little, he chased me, constantly, we were almost desk mates, I am always smiling and laugh a lot. He finally seduced me (he is very handsome, he looked like an angel, really, he looked so much in love with me, so I decided to give us a chance ) and then we had one year of intense 'love' (God knows I loved him), too much passion, sex, a lot of sex, roller-coaster, breaking ups, escalating, drama, sex, depression, threats of suicide, smearing each other, sex, jealousy, reported to management for abuse, harassment, then come back together and sex, dizzy, sex, it was all twisted. Loosing the trust of friends and respect at work, I was so confused, he was depressed and had crisis. He seemed to have emotional affairs and making me jealous was his fun and gave him some creepy energy, I begged him to not do it at least at work - mistake - 'you never tell a BPD what you fear!', now, I know. I was getting really bored and exhausted of the drama and the diabolic jealousy game. Finally, he met her drinking with friends. Coincidentally she was working and sitting behind my cubicle. She was flirting with him, he told me, I did not really care about that, I saw no competency, it looked just a funny drinking mate for him, plus he told me he did not find her any sexy, and that can be truth, because she is not. I left him for other reasons couple of weeks later. Bad break up, just like the others before, but this time I was more sure this story was so wrong and dangerous and I had to push him away. He reacted badly, I reacted badly, both crazy (I have to admit) in the end. He used her to bully me, she followed him. He came back a few times looking for sex and victimizing, I told him to move on nicely and keep the peace. He did not want peace, so more war using her as constant weapon and this time I dont forgive him and I dont care about the peace, it is impossible. Now, (five months later) they are 'apparently' together. I questioned him after 2 months of kind of NC ... why? I am an idiot, yes, but just for the f***ng lying about' I dont find her sexy'... . I needed to tell him 'liar' and twisted to be with someone he does not like. He replied ' we are not together, we are just friends, you can ask her, i am still depressed because of you (me) and she knows I can not have relationships now' and also that he is traumatized by the toxicity a left in him and he cant still not look to other women. What a bunch of lies again and useless talk. Well, that was, I hope my last mistake. Dancinginthedark, uffffff! Imagine, I work with them, they have bullied me, I went crazy. It is been a nightmare. But, I have to be strong, what other choice I have anyway :)? I try to ignore. I keep going minute by minute and this is a permanent challenge! where I also see a beautiful inner light and the love to myself and I kind of like it, and it keeps growing :) . To survive I have to have it present all the time and that is making me stronger. I am now more aware of my constant inner love and peace, what other choice I have, anyway :)?. On the other hand, I have the daily chance to see how lucky I am to be out: I see he has at least two crisis every week. Same as before, the difference is now: I am not the one who is taking the ~ out of those crisis :) he has new brand trash bin :). I also have seen him dumping her already, I have seen her jealous of me and a good source told me he does not want to have sex with her and she is sad for that as well, I also heard he was looking for me in clubs in her company: he keeps humiliating his victims in one way or another. He will always do it. Today, I am better, but still long path to walk in front of me. I have read a lot about BPD, I think that helps a lot: understanding gives me a lot of peace. We dont want to be their toys. We are just one more puppet for them. She is another puppet and she is getting the same ~ or worse. No one is happy with a BPD. BPDs are the cancer of love and they passed a bit of it to us . They left in us kind of the same trauma they constantly live in, they filled us with their sorrow and they are also complete idiots in the end, because they keep feeding their own cancer by traumatizing themselves a bit more in every new relationship they have. BUT the good news are the cure for us is available, inside us right now, every minute, this very second we are in and is: LOVE :) . Love yourself, love life, love your friends, love animals, love nature, love justice, love art, love music, love your soul. Love your body and keep it in shape and health, it gives mental energy to beat the rage attacks and the sadness when you see them together, it also gives you a more secure and energetic walking in front of them . Focus on taking care of yourself: that is the win-win here. BPDs are rotten souls. We want to love beautiful souls. There are beautiful souls, for the simple fact that if we are one, there must be more around :). ByeBlue. Title: Re: I bumped into the other woman today Post by: bpdspell on January 05, 2013, 11:30:51 AM Hi Dancinginthedark, I work with them: my exBPDbf and his new victim. Everyday. I also sit in the middle. Everyday. I have gone crazy, yes, imagine, but I am still proud of myself, my strength and I am so lucky to have so many good friends around :) who give me a lot of support, trust and real love :). I share my story here, it might help you: He came to the office almost two years ago, all shiny, smart, casual, impeccable, hard worker and looked generous angel. Very handsome and eleven years younger than me. I saw a only colleague, I even thought he was gay for a while. But, just socializing at work... . then little by little, he chased me, constantly, we were almost desk mates, I am always smiling and laugh a lot. He finally seduced me (he is very handsome, he looked like an angel, really, he looked so much in love with me, so I decided to give us a chance ) and then we had one year of intense 'love' (God knows I loved him), too much passion, sex, a lot of sex, roller-coaster, breaking ups, escalating, drama, sex, depression, threats of suicide, smearing each other, sex, jealousy, reported to management for abuse, harassment, then come back together and sex, dizzy, sex, it was all twisted. Loosing the trust of friends and respect at work, I was so confused, he was depressed and had crisis. He seemed to have emotional affairs and making me jealous was his fun and gave him some creepy energy, I begged him to not do it at least at work - mistake - 'you never tell a BPD what you fear!', now, I know. I was getting really bored and exhausted of the drama and the diabolic jealousy game. Finally, he met her drinking with friends. Coincidentally she was working and sitting behind my cubicle. She was flirting with him, he told me, I did not really care about that, I saw no competency, it looked just a funny drinking mate for him, plus he told me he did not find her any sexy, and that can be truth, because she is not. I left him for other reasons couple of weeks later. Bad break up, just like the others before, but this time I was more sure this story was so wrong and dangerous and I had to push him away. He reacted badly, I reacted badly, both crazy (I have to admit) in the end. He used her to bully me, she followed him. He came back a few times looking for sex and victimizing, I told him to move on nicely and keep the peace. He did not want peace, so more war using her as constant weapon and this time I dont forgive him and I dont care about the peace, it is impossible. Now, (five months later) they are 'apparently' together. I questioned him after 2 months of kind of NC ... why? I am an idiot, yes, but just for the f***ng lying about' I dont find her sexy'... . I needed to tell him 'liar' and twisted to be with someone he does not like. He replied ' we are not together, we are just friends, you can ask her, i am still depressed because of you (me) and she knows I can not have relationships now' and also that he is traumatized by the toxicity a left in him and he cant still not look to other women. What a bunch of lies again and useless talk. Well, that was, I hope my last mistake. Dancinginthedark, uffffff! Imagine, I work with them, they have bullied me, I went crazy. It is been a nightmare. But, I have to be strong, what other choice I have anyway :)? I try to ignore. I keep going minute by minute and this is a permanent challenge! where I also see a beautiful inner light and the love to myself and I kind of like it, and it keeps growing :) . To survive I have to have it present all the time and that is making me stronger. I am now more aware of my constant inner love and peace, what other choice I have, anyway :)?. On the other hand, I have the daily chance to see how lucky I am to be out: I see he has at least two crisis every week. Same as before, the difference is now: I am not the one who is taking the ~ out of those crisis :) he has new brand trash bin :). I also have seen him dumping her already, I have seen her jealous of me and a good source told me he does not want to have sex with her and she is sad for that as well, I also heard he was looking for me in clubs in her company: he keeps humiliating his victims in one way or another. He will always do it. Today, I am better, but still long path to walk in front of me. I have read a lot about BPD, I think that helps a lot: understanding gives me a lot of peace. I found this testimony of a BPD when dissociates: www.experienceproject.com/stories/Disassociate/466692?omni I have been there. We dont want to be their toys. We are just one more puppet for them. She is another puppet and she is getting the same ~ or worse. No one is happy with a BPD. BPDs are the cancer of love and they passed a bit of it to us . They left in us kind of the same trauma they constantly live in, they filled us with their sorrow and they are also complete idiots in the end, because they keep feeding their own cancer by traumatizing themselves a bit more in every new relationship they have. BUT the good news are the cure for us is available, inside us right now, every minute, this very second we are in and is: LOVE :) . Love yourself, love life, love your friends, love animals, love nature, love justice, love art, love music, love your soul. Love your body and keep it in shape and health, it gives mental energy to beat the rage attacks and the sadness when you see them together, it also gives you a more secure and energetic walking in front of them . Focus on taking care of yourself: that is the win-win here. * I recommend to give a reading of 'The Joyful Life of a Borderline/sociopath' testimony of the same 'person' (register is needed to access to that profile, but it is worthy to know them better, really) at www.experienceproject.com/stories/Have-Borderline-Personality-Disorder/461161. BPDs are rotten souls. We want to love beautiful souls. There are beautiful souls, for the simple fact that if we are one, there must be more around :). ByeBlue. What a beautiful testimony. |