BPDFamily.com

first let me apologize this post wont be indented unless edited later im on my phone at work... .  i was reading some posts and it made me wonder so i am somewhat piggybacking... .  when i was in my r/s my exBPDgf once told me to stop being such a girl about things... now... .  ive always been a sensitive guy... .  i can put on the tuff bad ass routine when needed but i do get upset when treated unfairly or unjust... .  she had said that to me after i came home from work one day ans was complaining aout something that had happened... .  she immediately shut me down with that comment and i felt deregulated... .  like my feelings and emotions didnt matter... .  where am i going with this... well see... .  i like to think im patient and strong... .  but sometimes i wonder am i just too sensitive of a guy? Should i have been tougher and dealt with more? Im sure i was justified then but now im starting to flip flop as to whether i was just too sensitive to her remarks and not getting her attention or affection? Was i just asking for too much? Here i m again asking... well is there something wrong with me?

Your title cracked me up... .  clever.

To answer you tho a well rounded man is both empathetic and in touch with his emotions and also knows we he needs when its appropriate to take a stand.  It's okay to have both and having a sensitive side is a good thing too.

But sometimes when we are dealing with a person that carries a lot of shame regarding vulnerability or their insecurities dictate their partner be strong all the time it can cause some unreasonable expectations in the relationship.  Sometimes these partners lash out.

Love yourself and there will be someone who will appreciate these qualities in you.   :)

you must remember you are dealing with someone who mirrors the "good" and "bad" you cast out in order for her to create a sense of "self". an inner identity.

when you come home in a negative state and start complaining, you are representing the "bad" in her (from mirroring) that she desperately tries to avoid. she doesn't care that you had a bad day or how you're really feeling. she is concerned that you are bringing out the "bad" side in herself that she replicated from your behaviour.

because she doesn't have a sense of who she is or how to be in the world, she uses your behaviours as a guide to design a false sense of reality.

when you display "bad"(complaining), she mirrors that and interprets it as her being "bad". she then feels anxious and must blame someone else for the unexpected feeling of "bad" that she now feels.

"stop being such a girl about things" is a projected feeling of anxiety towards herself to stop the "bad" feeling residing internally.

if she can stop your negative behaviour from continuing, she will decrease the "bad" feeling she is mirroring from you.

Thank you very much Green Mango, i would "like this" if i could haha...   |iiii ... your comments helps immensely

What a ride out thank you as well for your comments... makes sense.

Thank both of you, just wish i could've been stronger in certain times i suppose... .  more like her in a way... .  but then i'd be... .  heartless... .  or rather... .  emotionless and lacking empathy for my SO