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We have court tomorrow regarding a minor mod of parenting plan.  I just opened the door and was served with contempt papers which has a court date of next week.  BPDex is stating we kept child for 3 additional days.  It is due to the fact that the PP says RE Winter break "Father gets 1st week/ mother gets 2nd week" Literally, that is all it says about the 2 week break.  This is something we are trying to cover in the minor mod tomorrow, the vagueness of the plan.  BPDex is saying that this means he only gets her Mon-Fri and the "weeks" do not include weekends. 

All she is asking for is 3 additional days of his Summer vacation which is only 2 weeks.  It just seems like a really weird thing to file since he only gets her 8 days a month as it is and the plan is unclear, so he really was not in contempt.  ALSO on Friday when he tried to return her, BPDex asked him to keep her an additional night because she said it was "more convenient" 

Do we file a response, or will this be covered tomorrow?  It is all the same case number, but she scheduled a whole new day in court, does that mean we could get a temp plan tomorrow and still have to go to court next week?  It feels like she is using this to retaliate for his minor mod filing. Ironically, we even printed out and filed the discussions regarding the vague holiday wording and the days he kept her for tomorrow's hearing.  What she sees is evidence that we kept the child, we see as evidence that the plan is too vague.  What to do next?  (of course this happens after office hours)

I would think it would be handled tomorrow. Bring everything with you. I would think that a week starts on Sunday and ends on Saturday. I believe that makes 7 days and there are 7 days in a week. In fact, I would look at 7 days and 7 nights as a week and I think the court would agree. Our custody schedule is week on week off during the summer. Pick ups were on Wednesday at 9 am.

The court order currently says first week and then second week. That would imply 14 days and 14 nights or 50/50 so if there are less than 14 days and 14 nights you would split it 50/50. That's the way our court order spells it out. Of course, not all holidays are an even number and ex always makes the odd day an issue. I only communicate through email and after the first episode I emailed ex saying that whoever gets the odd day this year gives it up the next time. It took the our parent coordinator to tell ex that made sense.

If you think you can pull it off I would agree that BPDex is in contempt for filing and you can thank her for pointing it out. It may be tough to keep a straight face though.

This may help the judge to "get it". Hopefully you have a plan spelled out in detail so the judge has something he/she can use.

We had our attorney write up the temp order and filed it. It doesn't veer too far, just cleans up the plan and gets rid of all of the vague language. She didn't suggest anything, so we are hoping they just use his.  The hardest is that we are asking his days be moved to every other weekend since right now his days are m, t, and thurs every other week and then thurs on off weeks. It is such a weird schedule.  I don't know if they will god for it, but praying they will see that weekends are better.

She's really just making the case for you that the order is too vague. This is one of those that sends the judge home shaking his/her head.

What did your attorney say about the contempt filing?

I wouldn't just ignore it - but I would address it at hearing. Perhaps the judge can vacate the hearing and handle it then? Is it the same judge?

I really hope so.  The one thing that this response tells me is that she is not getting an actual LGL help anymore. It is all hand written and really doesn't make any sense.  Even if we were not going to court today, and she just filed this, it would have had me shaking my head.  It seems like an abuse of the LGL system, when we have emails that show he was trying to sort this out with her starting from Dec 2 all the way to Dec 21 he sent the same polite email asking if she wanted Dec 21st pick up to start the week, or the 24th since the PP is not clear.  The only response she gave was "I consider this harassment" so his final email, the night before was, "OK, well I will be picking her up tomorrow then since I have not heard back from you"

Her response was late the next night after the kid had been with us, and she txt asking to speak to kiddo. She then sent an email the next day telling him he was in violation of the PP.  Did not ask for him to send her back or anything.  Then, come Friday, she asked we keep her an additional day and a half. |iiii

I'm hoping that the judge sees through her, I really do.  I looked up the judge for today.  She is a newer judge, single mom, democrat (don't know if that matters) she tends to be a tad more on the liberal side and "pro family" according to her old reviews as an attorney.  Don't even know how to interpret that.  Only about 6 more hours to court.  Let the countdown begin.

PS- She served us so late last eve and court is today, that we have not had a chance to speak to our attorney.  He is not appearing with us, it costs too much for appearances, he just helps us do the paperwork and helps coach us through stuff.  We wrote the response last eve and are bringing it to court, and BF is also bringing it up in his statement as he was told he gets one chance to state his case.

Does anyone know if it breaks any rules to serve her while we are at the courthouse?  We wrote the response last eve, and it would make it simple to just serve her while we are there and get it all out of the way since we know where she will be.  And if she reacts anything like she did last time, it may be in our favor to do it prior to seeing the judge.  Thoughts?

Oh, and to add to the "ew" factor, the person she had serve us.  Oh jeez.  I was sitting in my living-room alone, nursing my baby.  I hear the doorbell and look over to see someone's face pressed up against the small decorative window at the top of the door.  He would have had to be on his toes to get his face up there.  Anyhow, I am sitting there topless, feeding my baby.  I make eye contact and gesture he advert his eyes so I can get a shirt on and open the door, but he Does NOT look away, just sits there and leers at me!  So I turn and use the baby to try to cover up and get my shirt on, all while he is watching, and go answer the door.  I didn't know we were getting served, I figured it was an annoying neighbor who I was about to give a piece of my mind about boundaries and respecting privacy, but then he shoved these papers at me and left.  I didn't say anything, but it left me feeling very violated and exposed for the remainder of the eve. 

I expect her to do crazy things, but I guess I always feel sheltered from her attacks when I am in my home, in my private times.  This was her bringing her weirdness into my personal space.  It was just gross.

I think we have our resident members who can help with the legal questions.

For me, I'd spend the money and call your attorney and ask him this stuff, HK. Even at $300 an hour, a 15/30 minute phone call would be money well spent. I'd make sure to have your ducks in a row.


So we have to keep this in perspective.

She was serving you court papers because that's what she is supposed to do (even if the allegation isn't what you believe - just what she believes).

She didn't actually know that this guy was going to be a Peeping Tom creeper, she didn't instruct him to do what he did.

If the tables were turned and you had her served, it wouldn't be fair if she blamed you in the same capacity over someone else's behavior. I know you felt violated, but it helps to place that on who actually violated you.

I probably would have still gave the guy a piece of mind, even if he were walking away.  A lactating mother nursing her baby is not something to be stared at!

Wow, looking back, it would have been better to talk through the door.

Probably service counts even if it's not done through a professional process server, but you could choose to contest it and then the server would have to appear in person and tell the court they did serve, how and when.  Usually the docs regarding service have to be filed with the court so at least you may be able to find out who it was.

Alternate week time almost always includes alternate weekends.  She would have to have very, very good reason to justify why it's not changed to the standard alternate weekends.  There are only rare exceptions.

I think the part that bugged me is that we have told her several times that we want her to serve court papers etc at my BFs business, and not at our home as we have teens etc living there and there is not always an adult around.  My BF was at work, and could easily have been served.  His work is less than a 1/2 mile from our home.  She did it because she was asked not to.  That is all.  And because she flipped out so badly when she was served a few days before.  It was her way to retaliate.

Her main excuse is that "she is a DV victim, and the less time he have with their child the better, so afternoons on weekdays it is." The undocumented excuse is, "That woman (me) has weekends off and they will do family things with my child with all of their money that they are keeping from me and my child will like THAT WOMAN better than me." 

She stopped letting him have her on weekends as a retaliation to him letting his child be around me.

and one last thing.  In her response, she says that weekend do not work, because on Saturdays she spends the day with Grandma (BPDs mom) and then on Sundays they go to church (Which is sometimes true, she goes through church phases, but kido has said they only go to church sometimes) BPD claims weekend would ruin the schedule the child has been accustomed to her whole life.  (Also not true)

Well, just because you "tell" her to do something, doesn't mean she has to. :)

My husband's ex-wife tells my hubs to do a lot of things that he doesn't adhere to. Doesn't make her right, him wrong or vice versa.

Perhaps it was retaliation - or is that just how it feels to you?

Maybe she didn't have the papers prepared until late and had no choice. Maybe she doesn't think it's a necessary boundary - the law doesn't say you have to serve someone where they ask you to.

Is it a reasonable expectation? Or one that you find reasonable but she just doesn't?

I ask you these questions because sometimes we can be less frustrated when our expectations are a level that is attainable by the disordered souls in our life. The way I see it is that you asked her to serve BF at work. She chooses not to. She struggles in operating within boundaries - borderline personality types usually do.

I also don't know that you'll accomplish much telling her what to do/not to do. I don't like being told what to do either - especially when it comes to someone I don't respect very much.

There is a big difference in saying "You need you to serve BF at work, not at our house"... .  and saying "you'll probably get the best result of serving BF at work during business hours, because we don't answer the door for unexpected guests after 6:00pm"


This sounds like a ROFR type issue. Is she complaining because you are taking care of the kiddo while he works - and the kiddo could be spending time with her instead?

As a mom, I agree to a certain extent. I value the parent/child bond very much and would advocate that if my exH were not taking care of them that I be the one to be offered the extra time (within a reasonable time period - like over 6 hours).

Not as much now that they're teenagers, but definitely when the kids were little.   

She's got Borderline written all over the reaction, but it's common for a mother to expereince this type of situation. Anyway to come to an agreement in amongst the chaos? Or is this a situation you'd like to battle out with the judge's decision?

~DreamGirl

No, it isn't about me watching her while dad is away and mom could be, mom has a babysitter every weekend because she works weekends.  It is about me being home as well on weekends, so all of us might do stuff as a family.  If I worked weekends, she'd likely be fine with him having kiddo on weekends.  She just doesn't want us doing things as a group.  now that we have a shared child, it is even worst.

As far as home service, there is more too it.  In our old place, when she found out the address, my car was vandalized twice.  We moved not long ago and would not give her the new address.  Our attorney said we did not have to since we are not the primary home, as long as she has a place to send letters to (ie his business) Our home addy is listed with the school etc.  She claimed in her statement that she had "no idea where we live or where her child was when we stole her", but she had someone go to my home to serve me.  This was her little way of saying "you can't hide from me!"  If she loses in court today, I will bet you $5 I have another broken window by the end of the week.

She once broke into my BFs place in the middle of the night, a year after they were apart.  She was standing over his bed when he woke up.  She was super drunk.  She just stood there making weird statement.  "Why is she in MY house? Why is she cooking in MY kitchen?" etc... .  "You will not steal MY child from me!"

This was before the false DV order, and he was still feeling protective of her since she was child's mom, so her just told her to go on the couch and sleep it off and didn't call the police.  To this day he kicks himself for not calling. She scares me, for real, but I know there is nothing that can be done about it.

Call it what it is - she's trying to block reasonable visitation times.  Courts EXPECT parents to have alternate weekends with the kids and alternate weekends "off" to relax or do whatever without the kids.

Tough for her, H should push as hard as he can to get a "standard" schedule.  If the county's standard schedule would give him even more time than he's already requesting, then tell the judge in front of her that if there is more conflict, then the next time he comes back he will be asking for that standard schedule (if judge doesn't give it to him now) or even more.

Judge needs to know that it is her sense of entitlement and need to control and need to punish that is driving all the conflict.  Staying quiet about the underlying issues may not help the judge to perceive what's the real problem, not with only a half hour or so allocated for the hearing.

So, does anyone have thoughts on serving her a response prior to court today? It is a trigger for her.  If I do it in the waiting room of the court house, and she reacts like she has in the past, she will flip out and the judge will see the real her.  The last time, she lost all control, I had not seen that version of her in a while.  We have to serve her a response, we have it ready to go, it is a simple denial, but it is the fact we respond at all that makes her crazy.

Oh, goody, do it in front of the judge, though perhaps you first need to find out from the judge whether the court is aware of the overlap.  Maybe the judge will deal with it, maybe not, but be sure the judge knows that she filed it AFTER you had filed your paperwork.  Perhaps the judge will correctly see it as largely a retaliatory knee-jerk reaction.

Thanks for the tip, ForeverDad, we just added that part about 'retaliation to our service' to his statement for today!

Just a follow up. She dropped the contempt charges. No court this week after all!