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So, my dd got her phone that she "needed".  My stupidity.  A phone, maybe, but not an iphone. 

I was not going to her court hearing.  I did not think that I could handle it.  She called me and asked me to go.  Her exbf dropped her off.  I was hoping that it was all over, but she wanted me there. District justice said that she would have 30 days to appeal.  Forget it, can't afford it!   So, she will be sentenced to 60 days. But, can serve it on house arrest.  And, she will have work release.  Cost is $20 a day.  I told her that I prefer that she went to jail.  She will need $300 upfront.  She will need a landline.  She owes the phone company too much money.  I don't see how she can get a phone.  She does not have cable either, so no digital.

Oh, and did I mention that she was robbed around christmas.  I can't recall if I posted it.

Thinking about having her here for the 60 days.   But, it seems to be the easiest solution.  She needs a landline.  She owes the phone company money.  She does not have cable, either.  So, no digital, either.

My laptop is being goofy.  I apologize for the numerous errors.  No spell check, either.  I hate this laptop.

BTW, the iphone is going back and exchaged for a cheap flip phone.  Time for me to get ready for bed.  I have an early day, tomorrow.

Thanks for listening.

Oh peaceplease, how my   goes out to you tonight. I have been in this place so recently. This is such a rock and hard place to be.

What are the things you are not willing to give up - values - if she comes to your home for the 60 days? How can you set boundaries here and what will your response to violations look like? Is dh willing be in unity with these?

The financial part and time consuming part - can you afford this? Does probation follow the house arrest and work release? Does the work release apply during the house arrest? What about your gs? Who will be driving her to work? To check-in appts. with jail? etc. etc. etc.

Will your D be appreciative of your help - understand that jail is still waiting if she violates the house arrest terms? What jail term did judge give for failure? The jail hanging over my DD's head (one year) kept her on track during her 45 house arrest. She is now on probation - she is daily appreciative of our help emotionally and fianancially for this. She has promised to repay if she gets her SSI - though our help is not contingent on this within our minds (dh and I).

Just a few considerations.

qcr  

Hi peaceplease,

Such a difficult time in your life right now! 

Do I understand correctly that  your mom is in your home and you are her caretaker... .  that your d will be in your home for 60 days... .  and grandson too?

Oh my... .  

Your d can't stay at her own place because she has no landline for phone?  What about bf... .  can't he get the phone in his name... .  do he and d/gs all live together?

So sorry that you are dealing with all of this ... .  you must be exhausted. :'(

Please take time outs for self.   

qcr - My dh actually thought that it was a good idea.  She lives in a bad neighborhood, and he does not want her and my gs living there.  However, I remember the last time we wanted to move her out of apartment.  I definitely do not want to move her out permanently.  Or, I mean living with us, on permanent basis. 

I told her, that if she did stay with us that she would not be able to have any friends to come visit her.  That she will be a guest in my mom's house.  She said that she realized that. 

I really have mixed feelings about it.  I really don't want her staying with me.  I was thinking that it may be easier; however, I am really re-thinking that.  I never visit her at her apartment because I really do not like her neighborhood.  And, I can not leave my mother for too long.  So, that is why I was thinking that it would be easier if she was here.  I think that I prefer that she have a jail sentence, instead.  I warned her that would be consequence if she was caught driving without a license.  She always shooshed me and told me that I was jinxing her.  The judge said that he was giving her house arrest to take care of her child.  But, if she violates it, then she will go to jail. 

I admire you, and your strength.  It seems that your dd has come so far.   |iiii

lbj - No my dd does not live with anyone.  She works at a restaurant as a server.  She works past my gs bedtime.  During, her so-called custody week, I have him, most of the time.  She has him on her days off during "her" week.  She does not have bf. 

I asked her today, how much she owes the phone company, and she told me $100.  Perhaps, they will work with her on that. 

I do have my mother, and babysit my gs every other week.  And, I think that I have gone off the deep end.  I caved into my dd's harrasment for phone because I was so tired.  And, the night we got her iphone, I could not sleep.  I cried because I let it happen.  How foolish I was to give in.  Her phone was on its last leg, and it was going to expire at midnight.  But, she did not "need" an "iphone".  I hope that I am able to get back to the cell phone store, tomorrow to return it.  I will let her get "a" phone, that is just a phone, and downgrade the plan. 

I fell for the stupid line, that she and my gs have been put on the back burner, since my mother and brother were sick.  Seriously, I do need my head examined!  I did not take the time out and re-vist the Lundberg bible.   So, I let us down.  Otoh, I must give credit to my dh.  He has been trying to do everything, too.  He helps by visiting with my brother, babysitting while I was with my brother, cooking, giving my dd rides, and even did my laundry, today. I wish that he would have let my laundry alone.  lol He did not give it any tlc, and I have an ink stain that was washed and dried. I really appreciate all that he does.  He should be ready to blow, though.  He has been doing too much. 

Dear Peaceplease,

I really admire you very much!

I am very sad but I haven't got half the problems you are going through!

I hope everything is going to be ok.

Have a good day!

Survive

Dear Peaceplease,

We who have lots on our plates get so tired that we make decisions we normally might not make without all the stuff on our plates- and without all of the tiredness ( maybe I should say exhausted).  

As far as your dd coming to live with you- unless I have missed something there is no rush about that is there?  I mean you do not have to make a snap decision, do you?  

Btw- I have one of those phones called a Grandfather phone.  It is a fold-up.  I too in a snap moment ordered a sleek thing and then realized I did not REALLY need it.  I cancelled the order.  I hope you have good luck returning the phone - long as you have the box and all of the stuff and the receipt... .  should be no problem I would think.

Also my dh sometimes gets to that "blow" point or further.  He is presently feeling like too much is so wrong and it is getting to him.  So I am trying to pamper him.  It helps him some.  Sometimes he pampers me too.  That is how we get through stuff. 

 

wtsp

peaseplease -

IMHO DD should stay in her own apt. for her house arrest. You can risk going there to get your gs for some grandma time everyother week.

The EHD (electronic home detention) monitor equipment that my DD had connected to a plain landline and electricity. We activated a landline just for the time she needed it and had no phone attached to it. In Colorado it cost me $35 to get phone line activated, $27/month for phone line and taxes.

Who is paying the daily monitoring fees? The $20 per day for 60 days?

When does she have to report to get all this set up? If she cannot pay for this stuff, then she has to go to jail, and you can offer to care for gs every other week while she is there. Would she lose her apt. and job during this time?

It is so hard to balance it all. If my DD had been in an apt. with a job I would have been tempted to pay for specific things and let her stay in her own place. Balancing the money for money plus her being in your tight living conditions - which works better in the long run for you. It was so hard to get her an apt. to start with - are you able to support her in staying where she is?

Does this make any sense?

qcr  

Dear peaceplease,

You are juggling so much, all at once.  I kind of like qcaroir's ideas, myself.

I hope this can work out in a way that is manageable for you.

Reality

peaceplease

I'm maybe facing a similar situation if my ds doesn't get more jail time.  DH would have him come home to do probation. 

I know in my heart of hearts that I can never have him living with me again.  I almost lost my mind and I slipped into such a deep depression.  I need to stay sane for my other ds and gs (and me).