BPDFamily.com

Ironically, I feel the same as a BPD.  Does anyone else feel like they have absorbed the disorder?

YES!

The thing is, we have a reason to start being suspicious, be afraid of abandonment, depressed, angry ... .    The abuse we go through is REAL and we have emotions and reactions to it. 

What they go through is all internal and their twisted perception that they blame on us and are unable to take ownership.

We aren't out abusing them refusing to face there is something wrong with us.  We are having normal human reactions and feelings in response to the hell they put us through.  That is the difference!

I certainly wonder if I have BPD sometimes.  My T says I don't but sometimes I'm not so sure.

It's a spectrum and we're human beings, so practically everybody would to some degree have qualities of?...    

 I wondering the same thing, but then at the same time, i wanna tell myself that i never threatened or left/ended the relationship. Meanwhile im wondering if i subconsciously "triggered" her, to push her away, because i might have some issue myself  

Well, I know that co-dependency is an issue for me. 

Hi, it seems to be quite normal for the pwBPD's parter to display borderline behaviours after a while. Also often referred to as fleas  my-issues  I've told my therapist, too, that sometimes I feel borderline and she answered that's absolutely not the case.




What exactly do you feel you have absorbed?

Yes, my therapist has also explained to me that over time I have learned some of the behavior of my BPD mother.  That is only normal when you have lived or interacted with a BPD person for a long time.  Therapist explained that the difference is that these are behaviors which were learned, but that deep down we know that they are not normal, are not healthy, and are wrong.  That is why we seek help/therapy - so that we can unlearn these behaviors and change.  The BPD would not have the ability to recognize the behaviors are wrong or unhealthy, and would most certainly not seek help.

Even knowing all of this, most days I hate myself because I see my mother in a lot of the behaviors I am trying to change.  All I can do is keep trying.  I hope this helps.

Confused, scared, and alone is how I feel.  I also want to push them away and don't trust them.  My feelings are different as mentioned because they are aquired by the BPDs treatment of me.  Thanks so much for the clarity.  :)

Oh, I see. Sorry, I didn't make the connection with the title! I would say that being confused, scared and alone and wanting to push them away are quite natural feelings when being in a relationship with a pwBPD. I've found that reading the lessons here f.ex. on FOG and gaslighting and the many many threads on the different boards has helped me alot. I hope they will do the same for you!

I've done some serious counseling specifically in regards to me possibly having a BPD. I was afraid I did because my wife insisted all the problems we have/had are due to it.

After months of doing work around core childhood trauma, my therapist feels confident I do not have a BPD.

With that being said, she has said I do have some abandonment issues but not something that is unhealthy due to my background.

So, I kept working on that and I seem to be okay... I hope! |iiii