BPDFamily.com

Hi, I am an adult daughter of a mother who I am pretty sure has BPD. From everything I've told my therapist, he, also, seems to think she's BPD. For many years I thought it was me with the problem; I'm not good enough, I have to be the perfect daughter, then she'll love me more, I need to just give in to her every whim and that will make her happy and calm, just suck it up and her mood will pass. Well, I've come to realize I was wrong. It's not me, it's her.  My father and one of my brothers do what it takes to keep her calm and happy and expect me and my other brother to do the same. Well, slowly, I've decided that isn't working and never will. Through therapy, I've gradually learned not to get into screaming matches with her. I can keep calm while she rages. Though many times I end up with a stomache ache.  I'm still working on trying not to let it physically stay with me.  I have high blood pressure, get sick easily, and suffer from migranes.  I feel most of this came from dealing with her all my life. Though, really, I didn't always see her behavior as big a deal as I do now.  I don't know if it's because of my therapy, self-discovery, maturity, or what.  From the outside looking in, we are the perfect family. You only get to meet 'Crazy' if you live with her. I feel like I'm babbling, but this basically sums it up in a nutshell.

  I hate that I can't have a good realationship with her, I don't like her. It took me a long time to to be able to admit that. I really wish I coule.

I can totally relate to everything you said! I use to feel like our family was those monkeys that had their hands over their face, ears and eyes. Hear to evil,see no evil, speak no evil and it must not be there. We put on the act that we are the perfect family when that was far from true. Definitely a crazy way to grow up. I also thought the screaming matches would get me somewhere. Never did get her to see reality, just made me more frusterated!

Hi cindergirl:

*welcome*  It's really hard when you feel like you have to parent your parents, and unfortunately it's not uncommon when you have a BPD parent.  It's also not uncommon to have a lot of doubts about who you are.  I'm glad you have a therapist.  That really helps to sort things out.

Being on this site also really helps.  There is a lot of terrific information.  Senior members on the [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw Board (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=7.0) are experienced with and can help you with setting boundaries, finding relief from FOG, encouraging self-care, improving your handling of relationships impacted by your BPD relative, and pursuing a path of recovery from traumatic experiences. The validation, information, and support will give you strength on your journey.

I hope you'll keep posting.  Most of us come here when we're really struggling.  It's a relief to be able to share with people who understand our experiences.

Welcome.

ambi

Hi cindergirl,

*welcome* I'm glad you found us! I really understand where you're at-my mother has BPD too. It's so hard feeling like we're not good enough no matter what we do.   What aspects of her behavior cause you the most trouble?

Like ambi said, there is a wealth of knowledge on here, and many members who have been through similar experiences. Here is some information to help you get started: How a Mother with Borderline Personality Disorder Affects Her Children (https://bpdfamily.com/tools/articles8.htm)

So, welcome! You will fit right in here. Keep reading and posting, and I'm sure you'll get lots of help and support. Sending much caring your way.