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Did your ex have obvious signs of low self worth? Did they have a distorted self image and view themselves as unattractive?

My ex was a great painter/sketcher and once sent me a self portrait.

I nearly fell off my chair! It was hideous. She sketched herself to look like an ugly bedraggled, tired, hairy, depressive (with huge bags under her eyes). She put a lot of dark shadows on her face too- it was an awful way to portray yourself.

I was in shock. She must have viewed herself like this...

She would also get surprised when I complimented her looks and said "really?"  and "As long as YOU think I'm hot, that's all that matters"

Mine did.  He would tell me how beautiful I was, but he ALWAYS put himself down.  He was very attractive and girls would always flirt with him.  He would say that he was overweight (he wasn't) and comment on his facial features (which were fine).  After he broke up with me, he told a mutual friend right in front of me that I had horrible taste in men because I dated him. 

My uexBPDgf is gorgeous. She actually looks like Cheryl Cole.

If you were to ask her what she thought of her appearance she would use words like 'haggered' or 'plain' or 'disgusting'. It would be very interesting to see her draw a picture of how she sees herself physically.

It never made any sense at the time but the more you come to terms with this disorder the more it becomes clear as to their distorted thoughts. Some of her ex's also confused me. There she was a 26 year old stunner going out with 50 year old men that had teeth missing, no job, poor personal hygiene. I thought it was applaudable when she told me she wasn't superficial & looks weren't as important as making her laugh or being a caring person.

Looking back these were red flag moments.

Yep. She would always tell me how shes getting fat. Now, despite her eating unhealthy every day (mcdonalds all the time), she was skinny as a rail.

But every day i'd have to listen to her cry about how she thinks shes getting "fat".

But then again low self esteem is a huge trait of BPD.

My ex said she didn't care about her looks. She was beyond obsessive about her looks.

Literally stand in the mirror every morning and out loud picks out all his flaws.

" look at my massive gut, this terrible hair, my scrawny legs," swing between feeling too fat some days and too skinny. ( he's neither).

I used to try and validate but doesn't matter what I said. Also one time he actually became angry because I was " lying to him" about not being fat. Sigh... .  

Oh Man is right... .  

ALL of the above.

Literally. Between I'm so HOT, lets go buy ME some clothes! (this is a guy we are talking about)... .  to I am disgusting and obese, look at how hideous I am. Look. LOOK! (he'd be frantic about it)

Always fussing about his teeth, skin hair... .  

Would finally only have sex in the pitch dark. shower with the lights off. Made me wonder if it was me but he was mad at me, hated me because my size didn't change more than 5 pounds.

He ate like there was no tomorrow, and gained over 35 pounds. So yeah... .  he had a reason- but refused to DO anything about it.

Diets lasted til lunch time. He had a gym membership and a personal trainer when we met... .  but quit going altogether. Blamed me. So I joined the gym too. We bought him all new gym swag.

He still wouldn't go. Somehow it was always MY fault.

I am sure he will join a new gym now. Since I am gone and I was the whole reason for his misery in Life.  lol   NOT.

GL

Mine wasn't harsh on himself, as a matter of fact he felt he was god and his spawn were the same. That could have been the narcissistic traits though. He was very vain!

He would work out for 15 minutes on just his arms and say he was done.

It was me that wasn't good enough. My hair had to be done, or up. My make up had to be on or he wasn't happy with me. The weird thing was he preferred me in trashy clothes. I don't mean let it all hang out clothes but he preferred me in clothing that was younger than I should have been wearing.

Also he would call me grandma and say I looked old without all the make up and such.

When in all reality, I've had many tell me they can't believe I am my age. There is no way I have grown children. 

My wife is stunningly beautiful. Super model tall and a very beautiful body and facial features. I always said she could be a model for Ralph Lauren clothes. She just had this aura about her.

She always felt ugly. Complained about her ugliness, especially when she was younger and always complained about how her ex husband never found her attractive. (I got so tired hearing about her ex husband, I cannot begin to even process why she talked about him after 4 years being divorced before we met).

She would talk about not caring about taking care of herself, but she would sit in the bathroom doing her hair for a half hour. It was always a mixed message.

I often told her, probably daily, that she looked beautiful. Because to me, she absolutely did look beautiful.

As I write this, I am searching hard thinking about what she had recently, like within the last year, said about how I looked. I put on weight over the summer and she said she would leave me if I didn't lose weight. Now I remember! So, I took up mountain biking and lost weight. Funny... .  I would never dream of telling my SO I would leave them if they didn't lose weight... .  

spaceace

you said:

I would never dream of telling my SO I would leave them if they didn't lose weight... .  

Me too.

I still-to this day- find my stbxBPDh attractive, whether he's gained weight or not, and I constantly told him, and showed him that.

He saw things differently in his own head. His feelings about his looks equaled fact.

And he was hypercritical of my looks too. A mole, a sunburn, or a gray hair would be cause for  obsession/fixation from his part. He would needle me over and over-Are you going to take care of that? Get it looked at? Get your brows done? Make a hair appointment?

And there was nothing "wrong" with my looks!

GL

yes my would talk about herself negative all teh time. But at the same time she was always meticulous about her looks and always knew she turned men heads.

She is in her late 40's and has the body of a 30 year old. About 5-5 130 pounds. But she was always saying she was fat. I would always tell she wasnt that she ha dthe hottest body I ever saw. becasue it was so unbeliavble that she coudl say this about herself I though she was just fishing for compliments. I told her that once in a joking matter. but she was always saying that about herself.

But on the other hand we saw a man in his mid forties one day that had a large belly and she said if you ever get like that I would leave you. I would leave you. Now about about 5-9 175 pounds good shape, very neat dresser and very concious about my appearances. I try to work out 3 times week at least. knowing now about BPD i do beleive thats how she saw herself and thats why she was alway seeking attention from other men as a form of validation that she was actually attractive. Why should she beleive me, I loved her I wouldnt saying to hurt her feelings.

Ugh... She has the most perfect body id ever seen... curves that you'd swear the gods created just for her... gorgeous woman... no need for makeup and took my breath away as well as made my heart race and gave me butterflies still. i was very intimidated by hrs yet we went from having sexual relations completely nude and her on top to her always keeping all clothes on except pants and she never wanted on top because she felt ugly and gross... sometimes she would say she knew she was hot but only when comparing herself to others . she was disgusted by herself usually and no matter how many times i told her how beautiful she was it always fell on deaf ears... always saying you should have seen what i used to look like... i did in old photos... pretty much the same... .  sigh... she was a vixen of the goddesses ... a real rarity