BPDFamily.com

So I'm sure many of you have had this epiphany already but the other day I witnessed a 7 yr old having a freak out because someone told him he needed to get off of the computer. He proceeded to throw a tantrum and say things like "I hate you! You're so mean! You're the meanest person I know! etc." and within an hour he was perfectly fine and loving again.

Granted I have read a lot about BPD since my breakup and of course I read about how they haven't properly developed emotionally but it just hit me so clear as day when I saw that kid. They are all 7 years old! I can't count the number of times that a simple conversation turned completely out of control for no reason.

Anyway I know that's no news flash to you guys but just wanted to share my own progress/understanding of wth happened to me and what goes through her mind. 

Hey Sharkey

Yep - you see the illness very clearly when you realise they stopped developing emotionally as children. Through spoiling and zero boundaries or some other sort of abuse, their coping mechanisms were arrested.

I flew home from Bali on Monday night and was sat next to 4 of the most horrible children I've ever seen. Screaming tantruming mess of a family... .  and this was in business class! Urggghhhh!

But I must admit to recognising my ex in the petulance and impossibly fast switching from rage to cuddling.

bb12

I think the childish-> emotional is one of the hardest things it was for me to grasp.   Just this last Christmas, she gets gift she does not like and takes a fit.

Yes, that is an huge epiphany.  |iiii  What was also a 'mind blown' moment for me was learning that water tends to seek it's own level and I had some emotional immaturity brewing in my own back yard.  I, too, had poor impluse control, poor self control/self discipline, was into short term gratification.  People pleasing, procastrination, the whole nine yards!  Oy vey.  I at one time had a job where I took care of toddlers.  Thinking about their emotional level of maturity, it helped in understanding my ex.  They, too, can't relate to complex emotional issues.  They, too, can't understand how their actions affect others.  Once I started relating their stage of development to my ex, we got along a lot better.  Also made me determined to focus on my own growth and recovery.  Still a work in progress but once you have a goal in mind, it's something to work towards.  :)

My hubby gets pretty frustrated with our son's emotional immaturity. Our son will be three in April. I always think how appropriate our son's emotional development is for his age and think: if he doesn't mature past this point he will be a really dysfunctional adult. Then I check in about how we are demonstrating emotional control, acceptance and generally learning to chill in the face of getting worked up. Also using "I" feeling statements, etc. It is an opportunity for all of us to practice while we also teach our son. Eyes wide open, but still a lot to learn.