BPDFamily.com

I really don't know what to make of or do with this, and would love some help.  A few years ago, my BPDw and I were walking into a department store and she pointed to some nightgowns and asked me if I would like it if she wore something like those.  I said yes, and she immediately began accusing me of wanting her to dress in nightgowns like my mother or grandmother wore.  I have no idea where that came from, but she loves to trot it out all the time and tell me how sick and messed up I am sexually. 

Any ideas on what to do with this?  If I deny or dismiss it, she just takes that as evidence that I'm surpressing this bizarre secret desire.  Anything I say just adds fuel to her fire it seems. 

I've expeirienced something similar to this, My husband always likes to make me feel uncompfortable about my family. He has accused me of having sexual relationships with my father and brother. Makes me sick to think about it, anyways, the more I denied it, the more he would stick with his accusation. Obviously denying is not the road we should take. Trying to tell her that she is wrong is going to make her stick to her guns even longer.

I'm not real sure how your conversations start out with this but Validating what she is saying could work. Something like, yea it would be pretty messed up if I had that desire. But don't deny it or tell her she is wrong for having those thoughts, that's what she hates the most.

Well, I can certainly see how that get under your skin.  How do you normally react when she says this?

My my. We truly are/were in a no-win situation ain't we!