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Title: She had a plan to leave anyway Post by: Truth in attitude on January 17, 2013, 05:11:40 PM Well gang,
I did what literature said. she turned to stone and asked what car I wanted. I am under the impression that she had a plan all along and was waiting for a trigger. Never the less, she was blaming me for all of this (as it is the profile of BPD), had an eyeopener when I read how they conjure up their relationships. WOW I put it all on the line today and without blinking an eye she is looking for a place to live. I am supposed to meet with legal tomorrow to start the divorce papers and protecting my 4 year old daughter. I can't believe that I was so blinded. I can't believe that I blew my retirement to make her happy and money I made before the market crash. I can't believe she could be so heartless. She is a black widow. Hurt, embarrassed, depressed, outraged, and feel so sorry for my daughter. Because I know when she finds out that she is going to thinks it is all her fault. Her mother cant even express simple love to her daughter, won't help her learn with her homework. Title: Re: She had a plan to leave anyway Post by: Washisheart on January 17, 2013, 06:01:40 PM I am so sorry.
Y espwBPD surely haves way of making us exhaust our resources. Before BPDso I had great credit, if I could have saved all the money I have blown with him... i guess hindsight is 20/20. I also withdrew from my retirement, luckily not all of I it. I feel for your little girl. Children don't deserve this kind of treatment. Mine is unseeded with having a baby, and I wonder if God made him have fertility problems for a reason. One less child to go through this... . I wish you & your daughter luck. You will find your way. Life will make sense again & your happiness will return. Just take it one day at a time. Title: Re: She had a plan to leave anyway Post by: slimmiller on January 18, 2013, 01:24:43 PM Regarding your child, love her, help her and smile with her. It is sometimes the only shred of sanity with dealing with BPDs. Mine is so far triangulated she does not even know her kids teachers names. Has not cooked for them in months or did their laundry or helped in any way with being a parent. Its sad but someday the kids will see us for what we are and them (BPDs) for what they are.
Mine too wasted all of my assets and when all was depleted and it was time for accountability, she needed 'space' When in reality she was already in bed with 'him'. Your assets you can once again replenish, and her left to her vices will self implode Title: Re: She had a plan to leave anyway Post by: mitti on January 19, 2013, 07:30:24 AM So sorry to read what you are going through. So sorry for you and your daughter. And I can completely understand your worry that your daughter may blame herself for her mother's inability to love her the way a parent is supposed to. My H (which is not my pwBPD) has never been able to show our D any love. He takes no interest in her life at all. He has no wish to know her, to find out who she is. We divorced when she was only little, younger than your daughter, and I had the same worries you do. I tried my best to let her know, in small doses and tailored to her age, what was the reason for her dad not being in her life and that his neglect of her had nothing to with her as a person at all, but that it was him. She is now in her late teens. She is well-adjusted, secure in herself, an independent young woman although she tells me she has grieved growing up without a father, but she knows she is not to blame, she has not deserved to not have his love, and that it is his doing, his short-comings and his whatever attachment-problems that caused his neglect of her. The children of my current uBPDbf also have a mother with some strong BPD traits. They are both neglected and are subjected to, and having to deal, with some pretty distorted behavior. It's sad that this is the situation for so many children. Your daughter has at least one parent who loves her the way she deserves and she will always know that.
I wish you all the best Title: Re: She had a plan to leave anyway Post by: Truth in attitude on January 20, 2013, 11:22:23 AM OMG you all!
What you describe is exactly! I mean exactly what is going on! I often wondered if GOD also made it difficult for her to get pregnant. Even some of her family remarked that "there was a reason that she could not have a child and you messed with nature." The W does the same, no emotion to our beautiful D, will not cook anything substantial in nutrition (I often tell my mom she is a 2 step cook, out of the box and in the microwave). She often yells at her when our D is defiant. Not acceptable at all. We all have been empowered with knowledge and support. My God, we may not be able to end the cycle, but we sure can gain the knowledge to curtail the behavior! Thank you all for sharing and supporting others. Peace, love, and happiness! Title: Re: She had a plan to leave anyway Post by: slimmiller on January 21, 2013, 06:52:06 AM I find that the more I focus on the kids the easier it gets. Yes its hard but let your D know that you love her. Show it in both words and by the things you do with her. Let her know that she has a safe place in which to flourish and do your best to provide that.
The bright side with the mother being absent ( wether physically or emotionally)is that you can now create an environmet in which to foster your parenting in. I take mine to activites, get involved with their school. Have them help me cook, give them a few bucks to help me with their laundry. I engage them in any way possible. It is building a future for them. It sad but mines' mom has no clue the kids teachers names' their grades or who their friends are. The kids do very clearly see her rages, and irresponsibility, and lack of help. I think fostering a good positive place in which for them to grow up is my primary focus at this time. Good luck and hang in there |