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he would be very restless. he knew that i was a light sleeper. he would toss, wake up, get up to get water, then get back in bed. it was always done in such a way that he wasn't concerned about waking me. and often times, he would then try to initiate sex, if we hadn't argued earlier that day. if we HAD argued, he would recycle the argument and would sometimes keep me up for HOURS in a circular argument.

many times he would do this when he was fully aware of big day ahead of me at work with important meetings or presentations.

is this a typical BPD behavior?

Hi Trying2moveOn,

I don't know how typical this behavior is, but my exBPDgf disrupted my sleep a lot.  I remember waking up to half-conscious "conversations" with her.  I think she probably talked to me a lot during my (semi-conscious) sleep.

I can only speculate why she did this.

Perhaps I was honest when I was half asleep?  Perhaps her insomnia was an expression of her disordered feelings and anxieties. For example, I'd guess that the mid-sleep initiations were a way of mitigating her disordered fear that I wanted to leave/abandon her.  If I responded to her sexually, then that would "prove" that I wasn't trying to leave her.

I think like your ex, my ex would behave more like this during more stressful periods in her life.  When they are dealing with more stress, their (disordered) emotions would be more difficult to manage.

One aspect that disturbed me (in retrospect) was the consideration of how much her behavior (inadvertent or otherwise) served to brainwash me.  Sleep deprivation is used as a tool to re-condition people.

Best wishes, Schwing

Not sure if its a BPD "thing" but my ex was a night owl and didn't like you falling asleep on him. My guess is he wanted the company and it wasn't enough having my mere presence. He also had to control the puppet strings of when "we" should fall asleep together. I think it's a mixture of control, spreading misery, and not wanting to feel aloneness at any level.

Spell

My ex slept a lot. I think it was a way for her to get away from stuff, shut her mind off for awhile. Would be upset if her sleep was interrupted. She also needed me to be there when she woke up, as if it was abandoning her if I got out of bed before her. So I'd often lay there, wide awake, waiting for her to wake up. But then: Many times she started arguments while we were still in bed, storming off, the day already ruined. This was to avoid the intimacy that would normally be taking place between a happily loving couple.

I, too, experienced the interruption of my sleep.  Constantly wanting to talk (interrogate and blame) at 2:00 a.m.

I don't think he did it to keep me mentally and emotionally weak and unable to think clearly. I don't think he is capable of that kind of pre-mediatation, but that's how it seemed.  I was often so sleep deprived that I'd be running on fumes.  Never 100%, Never clear headed, Never focused. Always emotionally exhausted. And NEVER taking care of myself.

Not cool.

turtle

hi tryin yes this happened on so many occasions. He shook me once abt 3.00 a.m. whilst I was asleep "wake up wake up dont ignore me... .  you have been F***** today havn't you." "tell me the truth" who is he... .  

Me " There is nothing to tell... .  you know that".

"well you are a F***** liar".

and on it went... .  accusations etc., he only stopped when he became tired... .  

Hmmm and like you I had to get up and go and do a full days work. constantly anxious and worn out... .  Thinking will he start with these accusations of betrayal when I return home... .  and he did... .