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I have been NC with my mother since early Dec. She went too far in front of my son so I decided I'd had enough. So... .  today I get a text from her friend/roommate at 2:50pm that they would like to come by to drop off some gifts for my daughter (who is turning 3 tomorrow) at 3pm. 10 minutes notice!  I did not respond. 20 minutes later there's another text asking if she (the roommate/friend) can come by tomorow morning at 10am.  At first I didn't know what to do then it became clear after speaking to another family member that radio silence was my best option.  I do not want to get sucked into her manipulation again.  She did this right before Christmas and dropped off a bunch of gifts for the kids on my doorstep.  I had to tell her know that it was not ok to come over without an invitation.  So now I'm feeling anxious that one of them is just going to show up and disrupt our lives again. I'm not sure if this NC is permanent, but it's what I need now while I am healing.  Part of me is also upset that she had her roommate contact me.  It feels wrong.  This stuff has been going on my entire life, almost 40 years-and I still can't seem to get used to it.  I feel scared and derailed, again. I just wish she didn't have this power over me.  So I hope I made the right decision to not respond, it's definitely different than what I would've done in the past. I guess that's progress!   

Sorry to hear youre going through this =[ Its unfortunate that with things like this even when we take control (ie setting boudaries about when she can come over) they still have to have some control because they are rather unpredictable. You should be proud of yourself for drawing a line in the sand and for not playing into the drama. You wrote that it felt wrong to have the roommate contact you instead. I can see why it would feel that way but maybe as long as youre in contact with her this will be the reality you know?

Anyway, sorry Im not offering much help. I just wanted you to know that your feelings are valid.