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Title: Abandonment versus Engulfment Post by: almost789 on January 18, 2013, 08:22:55 AM I found this article and it describes my relationship with my exBPDbf perfectly. He's the silent/quite type and doesn't really do any clinging but rather the distancing. I just thought this article was so interesting and perfectly describes the engulfement partner and abandonment conflict. I thought I would share.
www.growingaware.net/ABANengulf75.html Title: Re: Abandonment versus Engulfment Post by: Gaslit on January 18, 2013, 05:51:48 PM Yep! I replaced this with my name and hers, and boom! This is the exact pattern.
Fascinating. Title: Re: Abandonment versus Engulfment Post by: mssomebodynice on January 18, 2013, 11:02:45 PM I actually found that same article before I found this board. I have read it over and over. It is my experience as well. There is another good read: www.narcissismfree and it gives some interesting thought provoking ideas that resinate with with my situation as well. A friend on these boards told me about it. Perhaps you will feel some empowerment when you read it as well. I am looking for things that empower me to leave. This is way to much pain for me to endure. Having a teenager who is stuggling with her first love breakup is actually helping me. i am telling her that love shouldn't hurt... . hmmm? She does not know of the pain I am in as (luckily) I didn't allow him into my childrens lives. How can I give this advise to my child and not listen to it myself? The answer is I can't. I have been NC since before Christmas. I will never persue my BPD again. The question is... . will I be strong enough to withstand the pull when they contact me again? God... . I sure hope so. Working hard everyday to ensure just that. Wishing you well. Love yourself enough to allow yourself the happiness you deserve.
Title: Re: Abandonment versus Engulfment Post by: almost789 on January 19, 2013, 03:25:53 PM Thanks somebodynice, i have been on the website youve posted here and did find it helpful. Mine too seems to have very strong narcisistic traits. Many BPDs do, especially the men. What i found interesting about this article was how each partner triggered the other. I honestly had no idea i had any abandonment issues before my pwBPD. Ive had other relationships and never noticed this type of triggering. However the other relationships werent with people who seemed to have any engulfment issues. Intimacy and closeness were not issues for them.
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