BPDFamily.com

Hi gang... .  

Should I stay of go?  It is a very hard decision to make after taking months or years to figure out what you thought was normal behavior and were led to believe that you were the problem with the relationship.  I chose to infuse myself with knowledge. Thank you BPD Family!

I did know that there was "something" wrong.  I spent a better part of 4 years trying different approaches and nothing worked.  I was put on medication, went to counseling, and nothing!  It was a cycle.  That is until I ran across BPD Family.  I spent the better part of many weeks reading and infusing the knowledge of the disorder. Armed with all of that knowledge, a few days ago I went from her asking what car I wanted and that she wanted to divorce to "I love you and I see that you are trying a different approach."  WOW!

Although I am guarded with my feelings, having a better understanding on what to say and what "triggers" there are make it better because you are the one that is really in control of the relationship.

If you want out because you cannot move forward with the other person, then do so before it drags you completely down, destroys your self esteem and character, an move on.  If you truly love them, take the time to empower yourself with the knowledge. There is not a pill they can take, or drink that will make this go away. It is mostly environmental, a learned behavior for which you can "tool up" with knowledge to overcome it!

If there are not self aware, they will not go for an evaluation, knowledge is your key to keeping the behavior in check!

Knowledge is power.  I have seen the change.

Peace, love and lots of prayers!

Truth in attitude

Hi Truth in attitude... .  

A relationship with a pwBPD is far from straightforward... .  boundaries for US are just as important as learning SET and validating language to improve communication with them... .  

I'm glad for you that the lessons here are helping... .  bear in mind that "tooling up" with knowledge will not necessarily help with "keeping the behaviour in check"... .  we can't control how our partners behave... .  

Your choice to stay or go is yours alone... .  how are you feeling about things right now?... .  

You are so right.

The last time I was here (during the detachment from hell in sep) I was able to really get an education on BPD and what it is about and not only did it help me climb from the pit but also prepared me for what I was dealing with the next time.

During this most recent recycle (dec 6 until a few days ago) I found that the knowledge actually eroded my udBPDexgf's pedestal a bit and I was not as attracted to her.

That for me was an eye opener as before her and I could practically not ever be in the same room without having sex.

I still love her (unfortunately) but my sexual attraction to her was wayyyyyyyyyy less than before... .  I think because I aware of what was happening and was turned off.

Reading up on all the info and tools about staying I am starting to realize exactly what you say... .  there is no pill for them etc.

If I am to be in any type of r/s with a BPD person I have to accept them and control my behavior.

Well... .  not sure if I want to be a caretaker for the rest of my life (and probably shorten my life)... .  so as of yet undecided... .  but there are plenty of other women out there who actually have love to give so the exgf is looking less desirable right now.

You are absolutely correct!

I am feeling guarded emotionally because I am waiting for the gate to swing back to the "hater" again from her triggers.  I have been able to "pull" a few from her and in her words she said that "I see that you are trying and that you have made a different approach to talk with me."

WOW... .  the tools!  I realize that I cannot control the behavior but I can re-frame my communication technique to help keep her demeanor in the "happy" zone.  I also see that there may (Paramedic/Medical field for 25 years) be other facets that are visible from the "organic" nature of mental health disease.  Again she was medicated for 7 years and was taken off her meds a few months ago (manipulated the caregiver to change her bi-polar DX).

Overall I do feel that much progress has happened in the last week and it was totally like a light switch in her change of behavior.  Happy, yes, but guarded emotionally... .  

Thank you for asking!

 nowwhatz,

I was also going through some detachment Sept/October being "forced" into a corner with rages, my exits to avoid them, and continued drama from my StbxH. Finally in Nov. I had enough, and fled.

My HUSBAND who blamed me for everything up to and through me exiting our shared home due to his escalating behaviors-has since swung from hatred of me, to pining for the good old days.

Hinting about make up sex in texts and trying to fish for information on my plans, and my activities. Which I am not giving.

I am not tempted in the least. That's a far cry from where I was when I fled 2 months ago...

I told him to want make up sex you have to decide if you really want to make up!

But in his twisted logic a tumble is all it takes and we 're ALL good again and I will be painted White!

Easy as Pie?

Not to me. Not anymore.

So I feel you on this,

The knowledge can help you either Stay and work on the r/s.

Or STAY AWAY.   :)

GL