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As I have improved myself, my r/s with my BPDDD26 has gotten better.

"If there is any thing we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves"  Carl Jung


Do you have a thought to share?

qcr

Yes.  I have already seen improvements as I have made changes in how I talk to and treat my dd(22).  Understanding has helped me adjust as I realize how she views things.  I have always said there is always room for improvement.  And even if its one sided, things will be better I believe.  I am not sure if I can ever provide her with what she needs so desperatly in her life, a love so great that I am not sure she could ever find it realistically, but I am determined not to make things worse and to begin to make them better... .  one day at a time.  Education has been the key for me.  So thankful that we finally got the correct diagnosis so we can move forward now.

Letting go and living my own life has made the r/s with ds better. He is no longer the center of my life. I love him dearly,  but he is on his own journey.

my mantra for a long time was to 'let go of ego' ... .  something like don't take everything so personally... .  along with build a bridge and get over it 

Vivek   |iiii

There are so many however, these are the 2 I reflect on the most:

I have Endured,

I have been broken,

   I have known hardship,

              I have lost myself,

Yet here I stand, still moving forward, growing stronger each day.

I will never forget the harsh lessons as they made me who I am.

           I CAN HANDLE THIS!


I am determined to be happy, regardless what life throws at me,

I have learned through experience that the greatest part of my happiness

will depend on  my disposition

                                     Not my circumstances!

        I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY!

As painful as it was having dd28 say that she can't live with me because I am constantly interrogating her, that I love  her too much (I guess she feels smothered) and that she can't stand me, as painful as that was ( it activated unresolved  childhood feelings of rejection) it was a blessing in disguise.

The pain was strong enough to finally make me see that i must change this behavior which has been a little dysfunctional in this area to say the least. I no longer hunt her down with texts of where are you what are you doing when are you coming home. I only text her when she gets mail or packages she is expecting. Her plain 'ok' texts still hurt me and make me feel rejected but I no longer react to those feelings by clinging to her.

Vivek ananda reply to my last post was right on and it made me take a real good look at myself. Thanks V.

There are so many behaviors that dd28 has now that I used to have when in my 20's and even 30's (I am 49 now). Seeing this makes me realize how ill and unaware I was then. But if I made it, dd28 can too. 

My last lesson with T was about letting go of this motherhood role that I have exaggerated and amplified to the point of hurting my relationship with dd28 instead of helping. I can see me repeating the same behaviors with nondd10. II have a second chance here and will do everything in my power not to screw it up.

I will give dd28 the space she needs and will honor this request no matter what. The silence, the distance and not seeing my 2 dd's together is painful but I will survive it.

My T asked me if I would  like to live with my mother. She and I both knew the answer very well. 

These threads where we can talk about our own stuff and not concentrate on our children are the best. 

I am embarking on a new journey here. It feels scary as heck but I must go through it. I sense I will come out a much better mother to my dd10 at the other end.

Thank you qca for starting this thread.

Learning 

my first instict was to go on about how I am feeling right now BUT  i decided that needs to be a different post.  I want to keep this thread going in a way of Positive if possible in a thought for the day.

Thanks qcr for starting this thread. 

My thought for today is:  I am so much further along in this situation with my dd than I was a few years ago.  We all (family ) still have so far to go.  But knowing what we are dealing with makes me love my family, give thanks for them, my friends, and wonderful life as well as everyone here on the board.  You have safed my life, kept me sane.  What a wonderful world it is.  I have to grasp and hold on to that.  I am trying so hard to enjoy all the good because my dd with BPD can totally take over my thoughts.  I close my eyes and see her trying so hard to love and be a good mommy.  I see her , my grandchildren, smiling and laughing, feel their hugs, even thought they are so so far away. 

KEEP looking for the good.  HOld on to those moments.  Life is short.  I am working on I can't make it all better.   

"Everything passes.  Everything changes.  Just do what you think you should do."    Bob Dylan   

and another:

"I am not my body, I am that which lives in my body. I am not my mind, I am that which controls my mind. I am not my emotions, I am that which feels my emotions." source a yoga teacher 32 years ago. Still remembered.

viv   

I am actually going to share a quote that I had never heard before but DD shared with me the other day... .  

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” Albert Einstein.

Our beautiful children are the fish of this world as are we.  Judged by the world.  I need to find ways to help DD become a better swimmer.

Griz