BPDFamily.com

Well, I am here A LOT FASTER than I expected but at least it is on my terms a little bit and his dysfunction is seen very clearly as "HIS PROBLEM" but he told me to "get the F out" today and I said that I will DILIGENTLY be working on it but need his help; I have no car, job, place to live, income, etc.

I am looking into getting some assistance and hope to go to culinary school that with graduation in 12 month diploma or 18 month associate degree in culinary arts... .  I can get "financial aid" and see if I can find a restaurant who would hire me WHILE I am going to school... .  

I am ready to leave. He told me that he does not love me and doesn't even like me. Told me I was crazy, etc... .  I told him after talking to my counselor that I will be evaluated psychologically and asked if he would like to know the outcome; no response.

I am still here in body; my heart is far from him now. I don't think that he will have any chance to ever "make things right enough" to make me want to stay with him. I am done.

You made a difficult decison Real Lady... .  congratulations on taking a stand.  You will be tested and tried more than you may realize, but if you truly believe he is';t going to change and isn't going to seek therapy, then you have no alternative.

This stand is especially going to be tough, given the fact that you have no job, no car and no place to live.  However, I can tell you from personal experience, it is a far better thing than what awaits you with a BPD spouse.

So, best wishes on your journey to the Land of Sanity.  You'll have plenty of support from your BPD family, but seeking out a good therapist should be somewhere on your short list of things to do now.  Find one that knows of BPD.  Even better if he/she has had experience with both BPD's and nons.

F1

Thanks... .  ... .  he has flat out REJECTED any possibility that HE is ill at all... .  he has told me that I am crazy... .  (years ago, I agreed with him and said "I must be for staying with you as long as I have" and then we part, never to see each other again until I contacted him and we reunited almost two years ago... .  He has told me that he DOES NOT love me and doesn't even like me. This actually makes it MUCH easier for me to leave. If he lies, he lies, his problem. He would be a FOOL not to love me... .  we were "soulmates" and he now tells me through the "black" veil that he would choose his drugged up, emotionally and mentally ill (from abuse) adulterous wife turned lesbian (just saying that this was a slap in his face; nothing against those who choose that lifestyle) that left him and had a baby before they were divorced. It is obvious to me that HE DOES NOT DESERVE ME and NO LONGER DESERVES my love and affection, attention and care. I am truly DETACHING even farther... .  there is "no comeback" this time.

I can do nothing more than truly believe him and I KNOW that he, unfortunately for him, WILL LOSE ME because of this and it is NOT my doing but his. I have felt foolish FOR TRUSTING this man... .  I choose to put that effort into rebuilding my life; starting RIGHT NOW.




Fortunately, in some ways, he is NOT my spouse, he promised marriage and upon dysregulation just 6 months after I gave up my job and relocated, he started trying to kick me out. I am done. He told me to call my son's father to come and get him and that he wanted me to go to the YMCA shelter. What I feel for him is NO LONGER LOVE.




Thanks again... .  I spoke to my counselor last night and will be meeting her this morning... .  she is aware of BPD and DBT and understands this situation very well... .  fortunately, it is through a pro bono program and I do not have to pay for it... .  I appreciate the support from this group... .  I had studied personality disorders when I left my son's father thinking that he was OCPD/NPD and I had "just heard" of BPD and could not even imagine it until about 6 months after I "gave up everything" to be with this SEVERELY and HOPELESSLY BPD man. I STILL have me and my son and we will make it... .  somehow... .  without his help... .  

OH even though he was throwing me OUT the door, I told him that I do have a few personal belongings that I cannot take to a shelter. He said that he would NOT throw them out and logically I said "You are throwing ME out, why would I trust you NOT to throw out my things"... .  in other words... .  I no longer trust you because you are NOT trust worthy. He doesn't like me saying things that implies that "he is bad"... .  so I asked him has HE EVER done ANYTHING that was "bad" and he just couldn't answer it; deflected it and devolved into yelling "get the F out of my house". I am done.

He will be ordered to pay alimony and you have rights to half the assets, such as equity in a house.     Culinary school sounds awesome, it's so fun to cook up fabulous things.  He is a fool if he doesn't see the value of good wife.  Hang in there and let us know how you are doing.  Can you find out about women's shelters in case you need to vamoose in a hurry?  Any friends or family nearby?

Editing, sorry we cross posted.  So you don't have to deal with a messy divorce, that's a good thing.

Can you find refuge with your parents?  Siblings or aunts/uncles?

Haha... .  real lady. I told mine the same as you did. Said ,

I Am crazy , crazy for wanting you!  And my insanity is only temporary and only for as long as i hang in to you!

real lady

your situation is difficult and painful, but not impossible. stbxBPDhcept for the car, that was myself just over 2 months ago. how old is your son?(is this HIS son as well... .  sorry I forgot)

Do what you need to do to take care of your most immediate needs first.

You will be amazed at how things will line up and fall into place once the ball stars rolling. this is what happened for me-I pray it's true for you as well.

GL

Though we have not married; BPD of course, I still have rights in my state since I am a "resident" and not a trespasser or poacher (he has had one of them for several years who stole MUCH from him, damaged the house, hurt animals,  etc.)



 My one dream before reuniting with him WAS to reunite with him and "live happily everafter" but ON TO THE NEXT DREAM... .  culinary school... .  I LOVE to cook and ADORE entertaining.


 I agree... .  he is a fool but "he has to be right and I have to be wrong" and HE WILL LIVE WITHOUT ME due to MY LEAVING... .  how he handles it from there is not my responsibility.


   I wil, thank you so much Rose Tiger. 


He has never physically assaulted me and I am able to leave quickly if needed; will be looking into options this morning with my counselor... .  will be getting my "ducks in a row" today. 


No... .  not at all... .  all back where I left them when I relocated over 250 miles away. 


  thanks hon.

Thanks SummerT321 


 back to you hon ((GL))


Wow... .  I will read up on your story then hon... .  So how are you doing now? My son is NOT his... .  thankfully, maybe he would have HAD to take SOME responsibility if he was and we would have been married and I would be facing divorce with alimony and child support... .  sadly, I only have child support from his birth father... .  


Keep my sanity; take care of myself and son and NOT entangle in any "BPD" argument... .  I will just say "We can't talk to each other, we discussed and agreed upon it... .  we are leaving so leave me alone on this". There will be NO attempt to sooth him but I want to keep a friendly but cool demeanor... .  any ideas on this?


THANK YOU hon; how encouraging... .  it is not like I am not employable or would have to be underemployed; I have a Bachelors Degree and MUCH experience in office and several types of hourly pay jobs as well as I am looking into both culinary school... .  AND checking with local schools to see if I can hire in as a tutor/assistant/teacher. There may be some openings and my background and experience may be JUST the thing to help me with it... .  

Today; I have talked with my counselor; gotten phone numbers of agencies in my city... .  ideas for my "next step". I just "see" uBPDso just acting "like an ass" after we already AGREED that I AM LEAVING (and NOT coming back).

I have some "irons in the fire" regarding my writing ability and my "story"... .  I could "sell it" and write a book about it. I think that it might be a best seller... .  AND tell the story about relationship with a BPD person at the same time... .  

Thanks for the well wishes and thought... .   keep them coming. lol... .