BPDFamily.com

So I have a newborn and already find it hard to get sleep... .   but I cant go to sleep at night. Worrying about my boyfriend annd our future. R ight now he is at his moms and she doesnt keep an eye on him so he does nothing but play video gams by himself and getting more and more depressed.  he takes ihis rages out on me and i cant even make him feel  better.  im mot arround him and when i actually get to talk o him he is in a bad mmood and ends up hanging up on me for asking how his day was. i freaking hate his noncaring mom! when he is with me he is happy for the most part but over thre with her he is nothing but depressing rage and i get all of it!

I understand you are having a hard time getting some sleep and stress never makes things better. You should be using this time to treat yourself. I don't have any children so I can't say that I know what it's like to care for a newborn, I'm sure it isn't easy and you probably don't find much time for you. But you deffinatly can't find time for you when you are worrying about what he's doing. You have to remember that he grew up with his mom, his mom raised him. Most people get really irritated with their parents if they are trying to tell them what to do or stand over them and watch them all the time. His mom is letting her son be and doing her own thing. She shouldn't have to keep an eye on him if he is a grown man. You are painting his mother black probably because you are accepting his veiw of her at the moment. It's not her fault that he is moody when he talks to you. And no matter what you do, it's not your responsibility to make him feel better. He needs to own that himself. It sounds to me like his mom isn't putting up with his depressing rage so he is calling you to let it out on someone he knows will put up with it. You need to get to a place where you aren't worrying about him and what he's doing. Playing Video games doesn't sound productive but that's what he is choosing to do and it's also not as bad as other things he could be choosing to do. You need to let him be himself and don't get caught up in his moods and feel like you need to make him feel better. It's something us nons have to figure out for ourselves how to do but this website helps.

I still struggle with my husband and him trying to push his feelings onto me. Ultimatly he feels badly and misery loves company. So he tries to make me feel the same way, miserable like him. This is what your partner is doing as well. He unloads his emotional junk onto you and you try to fix it for him. I know it's a compulsion for us to find some way to fix it. However that's where we get stuck because we are always trying to fix things and they are never happy anyways.

He has no problem with his mom... in his eyes she can do no wrong. She isnt choosing to let him be a man, she has ignored him his whole life and its not changing now. He was just diagnosed with this and needs guidance and help. She is not doing any of that. Instead of trying to help him be a "man" she is letting him do nothing all day... he has no responsibility, highly depressed and he NEEDS help... he has asked for help even and she ignores him. When he was just ley out of the hospital she was to take all weapons out of his room (he has a lot) and she didnt even do that. His whole family is trying to get him help and the right therapy and everything... all of our efforts are going to go in the trash because she doesnt want to partucapate in helping her son. I even had to get my family to pick him up from the hospital because her water heater was more important. Yes we are all new to this BPD thing but I do know we have to show him the way at first so then he knows how to help himself... Him being in his room with no one too talk to all day is the worst for him and the dr. said to try to get him out... well she is the only one able to do so and she could care less.

Tell him you need sleep, take your baby to a family member and sleep.  I remember all too well the years without sleep from having a little one.

Your stressed to the max and you have to think of yourself and your baby first.  I woke up once after falling asleep with my daughter to find she had fallen.  Thankfully she fell in her bassinet.  You have to be there for your child.  Your bf is not a child and you must stop putting him before yourself. He is ok, he has his video games to keep him company.  You would be really surprised how much better the world looks after a nite of sleep.  I wish I could help you more.  I know your hurting.

Without getting into the 'how', let me just reinforce that:

You need sleep

EVERYTHING is more difficult if you are tired, worn out, depleted.  Sleep is one of the most basic needs and is a critical step towards 'put your own life vest on first'.  You cannot properly care for your child if you are strung out without sleep.

Also be sure you are eating well.