BPDFamily.com

You see, my BPDgf is now identifying herself as a lesbian.  Even though the majority of her life she has been straight.  Straight enough to have 3 lovely kids with me.  I have been blind to a lot of her cheating ways as the lack of technology made it easy to not notice her straying ways at work.  I only found out about her cheating when she told me 6 years ago in an attempt as she says "to get rid of me".  When she cheated on me in our first 6 years together, it was with other men.  In 2006, she wanted to experiment with women and I agreed to it as I didn't want to hold her back.  Ever since she claimed to be a lesbian, but still would seek affection and sex from me.  Very very hurtful and confusing.  She had started since then to spend more time on her selfish endeavors, leaving me to pick up her slack around the house and caring for the kids.  She left me for a woman who she claimed was "just a good friend" and moved in with her, but was wanting me to visit her at her new place all the time saying she missed me and our relationship.  When I would visit her, she would want sex from me.  Little did I know that while she was living with her "friend" and calling me to sleep with her, she was inviting random women over to do the same with them at her "friend's" house.

It all came to a head and she wanted to move back in with the kids and I 3 years ago.  After I managed to buy a house she moved in with us again.  The happiness we all shared at being reunited lasted maybe 3 months before she started to act out again.  Ever since then its been a non-stop triangulation (read definition) (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=121673.0), between the friend she left me for and new conquests.  In every instance it seemed she was using people for her own gains (getting items bought for her, concert tickets, trips) but would always tell me she loved me.  A few months back she officially came out as gay to me as she had finally found her new replacement for me that she was infatuated with and announced her intent to leave.  I stopped initiating sex or any intimacy... .  however she never stopped!  She even cried one time about her inability to stop sleeping with me and "cheating" on her new love interest.  Yet she continued to do so... .  increasing in intimacy with every chance.  Recently she's started to comment on how hot some guys are again, something she used to do with frequency throughout our relationship.  Yet the more bizarre actions only occurred as of the last month.

Before she left for her planned trip to Las Vegas, with her new love, she said to me "If I was the last person on earth and I could only spend it with 1 person, I would want it to be you." She left on her trip, and got married in an unofficial ceremony.  When she returned, she started to engage with a lesbian co-worker in an emotional and probably physical affair.  Which ended 2 weeks ago when the other party caught on to her lies on Facebook.  Saying how could she claim to "love her" and then say the things she did on FB.  Also 2 weeks ago, I returned home from work. We were to go workout with her family that evening and she was on the phone with her new love.  She said "I Love You" to her and 10 seconds later wanted to have sex with me before we went to workout!  Even doing an act she hadn't done for me in months.  The next day we went out to lunch and commented to me that "You're the best i've EVER had sexually." and "I love spending time and doing things with you."  Yet she's preparing to leave me in the next few months.  Every time she threatens to tell the kids about her plans, she always ends up backing down and never following through with it.  What she's waiting for, I have no clue.

I say all of this because, like you with your exes or stbx's, I love her very, very much.  Her actions and inconsistencies are hurting me nearly every day.  I am dying inside going through all of the things i've been subjected to. I am terrified of what this will do to my children as they are young (8yo Son and 11yo daughter) and other than my 14 year old daughter, completely oblivious to the fact that their mother is doing these things. They already complain about her always being gone somewhere without them, and when they find out the truth I fear it will shatter their hearts and minds.  I do not truly believe she is a lesbian... .  a bisexual who is addicted to attention and "falling in love", no question.  If she were a true lesbian, she wouldn't do these things with me and claim to love it as much as she does. 

I'm sorry if I've rambled on... .  I have a lot to get off my chest.  I'm in therapy and am truly grateful for that, as I probably would have lost my sanity by now.  Do you have any opinion about my situation?  Thank you for your time.

LostSunshine

I'm so sorry! It's really hard. I say the same words as you say "love". However, BPD sucks!

That's exactly how I feel, my love/our life is too boring for him. He likes to chase the excitement, but none of it offers my stability.

If she is already "planning on leaving" you might be better off cutting ties now. She is just using you until she finds a means to her end.

Thank you for your replies. Its very hard to detach as I feel much like washisheart says. Life with us isn't exciting and filled with chaotic drama that she has come to revel in.

Her not even wanting therapy has been a sticking point for me.  She so obviously needs it from the ongoing pain from childhood trauma but is too scared to face it.  I can't shake the feeling that she is about to make a horrible mistake and places more of the blame on me for making her fall out of love with me than really addressing her issues.

But that doesn't begin to cover my own issues.  I have a hard time feeling as though I will be able to open myself up again. She was my first long term real relationship, high school sweethearts. I know in my heart that I have formed a lasting bond with her that's going to be very tough to break. Despite all of my heartache, I'm not even certain I want to break it. I feel that strongly about it.