BPDFamily.com

dBPDh started his downward spiral yesterday. He was riddled with anxiety, depression was more pronounced and all around not feeling good.

I hate this period, there's nothing I can do to make it better and that's hard.

I try to be supportive (sometimes all the talking makes me space out... .  I'm ashamed but it's true), try to keep things as low key as possible (no waves about anything = no reasons to start anything) and I make sure he takes his meds.

I keep telling myself that it was great while it lasted and that I just need to ride the wave with him and keep us both safe... .  but I still hate this period.

   I know the feeling well.  Winter is particularly difficult and the depression looms overhead constantly.  I can't do anything to change how he deals with it~~but I change how I do!  He finds it difficult to get up and do anything, but it seems it's more difficult for him to see me doing things without him.  I force myself to get up and moving and he follows (although somewhat reluctantly at times) and it seems to brighten his mood. 

My dBPDh also has Dysthymia, which is severe chronic depression, so he's always depressed but gets more severe according to his cycle (if that makes sense to anyone).

I could be doing his favorite thing, I could promise a shopping spree for Star Wars toys, anything really that he loves above all, but he just won't do it. Usually this period comes with wanting and loving nothing. Every interest is quickly dismissed.

For example: Yesterday, he felt like playing a video game. The time it took him to take it out of it's case and pressing the "start" button, his interest in playing had died... .  it took him less than 3 min to get it started.

I find it stressful as heck since there is nothing that can change his thoughts for a reasonable amount of time.

i know how you feel. why do they talk so much? and have the same conversation over and over again. with my BPD husband, i can see it coming. His face will contort and change and I know it's not him anymore. And all I can do is avoid conflict and ride it out. I try to do things that make me happy because there is nothing you can do to make him happy.

i'm a newbie here, but I will say that coming here everyday has helped me. it has helped me understand that I am not alone in this, that many men and women are dealing with the same thing I am. I read the lessons on communication, about SET and DEARMAN, and there is a really good lesson on how they 'objectify' us. When they objectify us, we are truly there for their pleasure, and they expect us to behave how THEY want us to. Once you don't act like they want/expect, they paint you black.

when my husband gets like that, there is nothing you can do but love them. they are sick. my husband is like a 3 year old holding matches and if you don't do what he wants/likes, he's going to burn the house down. it's demanding and exhausting. To cope, i just try to love him. Love him, love  him, love him. it is harder to do it when they exhaust  you so much, but it pays off. They come back down to life and then you get to see the real them, not the sick them. Hang in there, and come and talk here often.