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Title: Taking Care of Myself Post by: 8luec@t on January 24, 2013, 11:21:05 AM Ugh ... . last night (on the phone) I mentioned to my boyfriend that I was trying to book a trip to see my (former) best friend in California, but that I was feeling ambivalent. He responded (as I had feared) with silence, and then upon prodding a confession that he assumed (feelings are facts for him) I was planning this trip without taking him into consideration (and intimated that he wouldn't plan a trip without my input). My fear is that he is expressing (indirectly) fears about my friendship. I knew I shouldn't react, but I did-- and pretty much created a mess for myself where I looked like the borderline (maybe I am).
I'm having a bad day, and I want to reach out to him for reassurance and validation (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation) (which I may or may not get). I'm feeling resentful and angry (about this, and other things). How do I take care of myself? I want to trust the durability of the relationship (to weather my occasional meltdowns) and I want to let go of my negative feelings. Help. Title: Re: Taking Care of Myself Post by: Clearmind on January 24, 2013, 02:29:33 PM 8luec@t, hindsight is a wonderful thing. He was fearful and it appears you were fearful of his reaction - did he react? What were you reacting to?
How would you have handled it differently? What tools could you use? |