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After enduring 2 full days of grueling testimony by videoconferncing halfway across the country 3 months ago, we go to the next phase of this Category 5 divorce.  (Cat. 5 Divorce?  Check out One Mom's Divorce blog)  Four more days after over 2 years since filing.  I will again participate by videoconferencing.  Sometimes I don't even know how I'm still alive, because I feel like Frodo (from book LOTR) carrying the ring to the fire of Mt. Doom.  After I get there, I have no idea of how or if I'll get off the mountain.  I'm feeling so mentally thin, anyone could poke a hole through me, and now I seem to be developing some form of diabetes.  Please support me through this with your thoughts, prayers, and kind messages.

We can now prove NPDh took a huge sum before he sprang the divorce on me.  We are STILL finding new accounts that he hasn't disclosed where he's stashed money.  His mistress and business partner is involved up to her neck.  We're going for unequitable distribution for me plus alimony. 

But here's the deal.  Though he used to make a 6 figure income, he "retired" over a year ago, and collected unemployment though he continues to work.  Is this fraud? He says he "volunteers" for his own company and that doing so is his hobby!  His mistress has started her own affliated "business" to book him for public appearances.  Of course, we have no idea what goes on in her business, but his shows huge losses compared to little revenue.  He's claiming he can't pay alimony. I'm scared that he's purposely spending through our assets (yes, they're supposed to be frozen).  He and his mistress spent $130,000 of our money last year, while I live in subsidized housing and have to be on Medicaid and food stamps.  My attorney wants to go for lump sum alimony plus monthly alimony based on the average of his income over the last 3 years.  But for the past 3 yrs, he has reported hardly any income!  Is this customary?  On his website, he's got workshops scheduled and a new book coming out.  What gives.  Can anyone weigh in?

Stuckinbetween

Wow! 

I'll just weigh in with a "good luck"! 

My thoughts are with you! What a tough road you've been on. Mine is just getting started. I know exactly how you feel - mentally thin. Be strong and you will get all that you deserve |iiii ... .  

I'm really pulling for you, stuckinbetween. The details of your situation are different than mine (the fraud, the videoconferencing, etc.), and I am not familiar enough with the law to help much with any of that. I can only support you from out here and send  . If I lived closer, I would check in often to make sure you're doing ok -- you're right that this is a category 5 divorce. I understand that you feel mentally thin, but keep in mind that you are under extreme duress and still have a sense of humor. That is a sign of resilience, and even though it might be a while before you can look back and see it, you are an extremely strong and wise person, and you are not alone. Lots of people are pulling for you and want to see this settled in your favor. From out here on the Internet, it is hard to imagine that a judge won't see through your ex and make him pay.

You did the videoconferencing 3 months ago, and now you have another 4 days of it? Is this live videoconferencing in which both of you are giving testimony?

Once you have given testimony, does the judge weigh in?

Big   to you.

thinking of you. That is a lot of court time, praying for your strength and a judge with wisdom.

Thank you for the ongoing support.  The first 2 days of testimony in Feb. will be to play the video of me from Nov.  It'll include the testimony of my occupational therapist who explained the severity of my injury from last years accident, and the amount of care I'll require, and modifications to a dwelling going forward.  The paradox for my NPDh is that he couldn't envision himself as a future "caregiver" even though throughout the marriage I only needed minutes of day of physical assistance because we built our houses to be accessible and we lived in Florida.  You're only as handicapped as your environment.  But now since the accident I'm more disabled and I live in a very snowy part of the upper midwest.  (I'm thinking about moving back to Fla.)

Also, my brother-in-law who cared for my daughter (in a western state) will be in Fla. and will testify that my NPDh did not substantially provide for her though he claimed her as a dependant for taxes.

For the last 2 days, my NPDh and my forensic accountant will give testimony.  He is also calling his accountant as a witness, presumably to say there is no money to pay me alimony and that my h is an honest man!

LnL, thank you so much for offering to check on me which I know I would really enjoy.  I wish that were possible, but barring that, what would you like in your cyber coffee?  Cream? Sugar? 

Four more days!  Thoughts of the cost of this whole debacle make me want to crawl under the bed and howl, though that's a little hard to do with a leg brace on!

Hugs back to all you caring people.

Stuckinbetween

The cost of all this is enough to make anyone feel ill, much less having a disability, a daughter to care for, and a mentally ill husband with a mistress.  It's a lot!

Would you rather be in person or is it better that you can do this long distance?

Prayers for strength said.  Keep posting even though you can feel so down it can be hard to. Others learn from your experiences.