BPDFamily.com

So, I have a truly newbie question:

Even if we were able to talk to our ud31, sometime in the future, about the need for good therapy, there is a problem.

She, nor us could ever afford to pay for a regular one. Are there any alternative options?

What are they? Are there some DBT workshops for BPDs or the like?

Thanks for any ideas (may be pre-mature, but We'd like to hope for a better future)

Is she on medicaid?  If so medicaid will pay.

Some t's work on a sliding scale.

She can do free online cbt... .  if she is willing to work hard and honestly.

Free On-Line Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Program (CBT)  (https://bpdfamily.com/tools/articles11.htm)

There are online resources for BPD sufferers:

Resources for BPD Sufferers (https://goo.gl/Fg5HBy)

www.dbtself.com

There are workbooks that are self directed, there are books written by pwBPD that she might find helpful if she is open to building a better life for herself and owning her recovery.

Hope that helps

Others may have some ideas too.

the world of therapy and therapists can be confusing at times. It takes a while to come to grips with the different opportunities, therapies... .  and then to find a therapist can be a challenge   

I'd recommend learning the therapies for yourselves so that you understood what they meant. Porr's book "Overcoming BPD" has info on mentalisation for example.

Can't give you any more info than what lbj has done, sorry.

Vivek     

|iiii

Pesim

If you are in the US you can call your local NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) chapter.  They offer various workshops and support groups that may be helpful to you and your daughter. Also if your daughter is on Medicaid NAMI can give you the names of therapists who accept Medicaid or work on a sliding scale.

Thank you all so much for the suggestions,  |iiii I'll look into them.

To answer the questions: No, she's not on Medicaid as far as I know, she would probably be in the in-between category (too much income for Medicaid, and too little for regular therapy).

To make things worse, one of her self-harming/make herself feel better behaviors is spending, so there's usually no money to go around.

She also has a real problem concentrating, and as far as I know, hasn't ever read any books other than children's stories.

She's addicted to the internet, so she can spend hours on it, but often jumping from site to site, not reading any longer paragraphs.

Not sure if she'll ever be ready to do serious work, but thought person-to-person, or the workshops would probably be best... .  

Of course, she has not been officially diagnosed yet, so that would pose another problem that we are thinking about, how to steer her toward a good professional, who could then gently point her in the right direction if and when she's ready. That's a big one for us. Right now, we are in nc, apart from some ugly e-mails she sends our way every few months, and it seems like she was able to enlist her husband, with whom we did not have the opportunity to talk about our discovery of BPD in this last year... .  

So that leads me to another question: how did you guys go about getting your loved ones into the right kind of therapy or to the right kind of therapist without telling them you thought they had BPD?

oh pesi opti ... .  that's the million dollar question, for which there is really no answer.

If your child is an adult, then we have to accept that we have no control whatsoever over their lives. It is their hands... .  no matter how ridiculous that may seem to us. The only thing we can realistically do is work on our relationship with them.

That being said, of course it may be possible to have influence on our adult children, depending on your relationship with your dd, and the other influences in her life.

I have learnt this last year that all I can do with my dd is work on my relationship with her. Thankfully, after almost a year of n/c, it seems it may be able to improve. To get to this I spent most of last year on a steep learning curve, learning about BPD and learning the techniques etc that I could use to improve my relationship - it hasn't been easy. My rationale is this: if I expect my dd to change the way she thinks and operates, then I should embark on the same journey myself. I cannot change her, I can only change myself.

"Give me the grace to accept what I cannot change, the strength to change what I can and the wisdom to know the difference between the two. Give my the capacity to live my life according to my values and with integrity."

That's a mantra that I use to help me stay on track,

cheers,

Vivek    

ps it was an attempt to get her to see a therapist that lead to a complete meltdown and the last year of n/c. I don't recommend it, based on my experience.

pps it was the support and guidance from the community of parents here that helped me get to this stage. A stage where I feel much more in control now than since she was in Primary School!

Vivek