BPDFamily.com

Well it has been two weeks since the hearing to get my BPD (w/NPD traits)xh to move ahead with getting the financing on the property I own that he is living in and to get him to pay the morg. payments. For those who have followed this you know that he had 90 days after the divorce to do this and if he missed making payments I would not have to continue to pay him spousal support. Deadline was Dec. 27, so we returned to court on Jan. 15. By this time he had missed two house payments

After the first of the year all the judges in family court changed so this is being heard by a new judge to family court. He gave him 2 weeks to make significant progress in getting a loan as he had nothing accomplished. His excuse was that the JE was not completed and banks would not talk to him about a loan until that was filed. Of course he was the reason it wasn't filed, he kept delaying it and finally my attorney had to file a motion to have it signed by the judge, then he did sign. it. Any way the judge really didn't say much about the fact that he didn't make the house payments, but after my attorney persisited in asking that I not have to pay spousal support he rule to hold it in abeyance until later. Which means he can later rule that I have to continue to pay rather than drop it like the first judge intended.

There were no guidelines as to what "significant progreess" means, the judge just said he wanted him to do more than just pick up loan papers and said that a copy of the appraisal should be sent to my attorney. Needless to say I have not heard anything from an appraiser but I can't imagine they would do anything that quick. My attorney is asking for my xh to pay my additional fees due to this delay.

So please for those who pray please say a prayer that the judge see through my xh's ways to continue to delay things so that I can't move on and so I have to continue to loss money on the house and attorney fees. If the judge would turn the house back to me I could list it and get it sold. Then I would be done. Even if he rules I have to continue to pay spousal support, I only have to pay a year. My xh will not qualify for a loan, he doesn't have a job and hasn't for almost a year, his last job only lasted about 5 months and he was unemployed for 18 months before that. He says his parnets will sign with him and he will get a loan no matter. I have a hard time believing this.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, Coffee Shop, and hope for a good outcome for you tomorrow.  One has to wonder if we'll ever be able to crawl out from under the malice and continued abuse that our BPD (w/NPD traits) spouses inflict; even after the divorce is final.  Lets hope your ex gets his act together and that the court will penalize him with more than a warning.  I'm sending hugs---

Stuckinbetween

thanks Stuckinbetween

Day started out with x's attorney having to call him to come to the courthouse as x didn't know that the judge had meant the hearing would be exactly 2 weeks from the last one, even though the paperworks said 1/29/13 at 9:30 am. He had nothing in writing saying he was working on the loan. He just says he is and the judge said 'well that is what I would expect with only 2 weeks to work in.

My attorney asked that the JE be followed and that the spousal support would be terminated since he not only missed one payment but two, she asked that the house be returned to me so I could sell it as soon as possible because he didn't have any proof that he was doing anything, she asked the he pay the attorney fees since this was all to be done over a month ago and now we have been in for the hearing twice, she reminded the judge that my x still doesn't have a job so how will he qualify for a loan, she said  his reason for not being able to do get a loan in the first 90 days was not a valid reason because if he needed a JE filed for the loan why didn't he sign it when she sent it to his attorney 2 weeks after the trial (Sept. 28) and that she had to file a motion to go back to court to sign it at the first of the year, ETC... .  my attorney presented a good case. Judge said nothing.

His attorney got up and repeated his defense. The judge said the hearing will be continued in 2 months to allow the respondant time to get a loan.

I will wait, I will pay my attorney's fees, I will continue to pay off the bills my x left me with, I will set aside the spousal support money since the judge just is hold it in abeyance and not terminated, I will pay on the loan I took out to pay a large portion of my attorney fees (the loan I had to take out because the x had drained me of all my savings to pay off his $27,000 in premarital bills and to handle all the current bills during the marriage since he was out of work 1/2 of the time), I will count my blessings that I could leave the marriage when I did and that I have such good friends and family who help me stay safe, I will count my blessings that the first judge extended my PFA for another year and that isn't up until Sept. this year. I feel like the court system willingly allows him to continue to abuse me. I feel defeated.