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Title: My thoughts on control in the relationship Post by: HarmKrakow on January 28, 2013, 06:08:36 AM Yes, controlling for the presence other PDs (like NPD), BPDs aren't making up the things they say. When my ex told me how terribly she felt I'd treated her and how controlling she thinks/thought I was, this was not a fabrication. Her hurt was real, and intense. It's a thought *disorder*. Perhaps at some future point they look back and realize to some extent that the way they felt wasn't really based on reality. Or perhaps not. Either way, they've already conducted their smear campaign so they need to stand by their original story. I assume in your case it was also the other way around. She treated you bad and controlled you and blamed you vice versa right? And she was really upset about it. Although in reality (our world) it's the other way around. I remain to say, what an interesting disorder. Title: Re: Distorted reality rather than calculated deception? Post by: GustheDog on January 28, 2013, 03:40:51 PM Yes, controlling for the presence other PDs (like NPD), BPDs aren't making up the things they say. When my ex told me how terribly she felt I'd treated her and how controlling she thinks/thought I was, this was not a fabrication. Her hurt was real, and intense. It's a thought *disorder*. Perhaps at some future point they look back and realize to some extent that the way they felt wasn't really based on reality. Or perhaps not. Either way, they've already conducted their smear campaign so they need to stand by their original story. I assume in your case it was also the other way around. She treated you bad and controlled you and blamed you vice versa right? And she was really upset about it. Although in reality (our world) it's the other way around. I remain to say, what an interesting disorder. Very much so. For the first month or so after the break-up, I was still in the fog - accepting her version of events and believing I was a sad sack of ___. I begged to no avail for her forgiveness and a second chance. Then I got my bearings back a bit, and saw that I had given more of myself, my time, my money, my patience, my understanding - my LIFE - to her than I'd ever given to anyone before. And when she jumped ship, there was hardly anything left. That's probably when I entered the anger phase. Now I just kind of shake my head. I've been able to realize that I am a hell of a catch, and that this truly is her loss. That she cannot see this is no longer my problem - shouldn't have been my problem in the first place. Title: Re: Distorted reality rather than calculated deception? Post by: GustheDog on January 28, 2013, 03:49:07 PM He told me that he didn't feel the spark anymore: which I took as a normal, albeit immature reason to break up. My ex, in telling me she no longer had any desire to have sex with me, said: "We just don't have that spark." Interesting tidbit to learn after 2+ years together - AND just one month after she'd been encouraging me to propose to her. Makes perfect sense. She also felt like adding that the sex we did have was terrible and painful, that I was a selfish lover, that I have "issues" surrounding sex, and that she "faked everything." Ordinarily, this would probably come as a pretty big blow to a man's ego. Strangely, these comments affected me the least out of everything that's happened. It is noteworthy only because it is so absurd - but it's hardly left me feeling castrated as I'm sure it was intended to do. Title: Re: Distorted reality rather than calculated deception? Post by: HardTruth on January 28, 2013, 11:58:08 PM Quote from GusTheDog
"My ex, in telling me she no longer had any desire to have sex with me, said: "We just don't have that spark." "the sex we did have was terrible and painful" "she "faked everything."" EGADS! Mine told me the same thing when he turned me black! Before that I was beautiful and sexy. Yes, Gus, it is truly ridiculous. How does a guy "fake" an orgasm anyway? But he said he was faking enjoying it all those times! Title: Re: My thoughts on control in the relationship Post by: Robbz on January 29, 2013, 01:11:03 AM HardTruth, I love your post. Lol! I've never ever heard of a guy saying he faked an orgasm. Good for you on seeing through the disorder! I don't get why they have to be so mean and hateful other than they are cowards and some decide to take the p.o.s. route and really show their true character.
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