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Title: My Reflection in His Eyes... Post by: Katy-Did on January 29, 2013, 04:06:47 PM "A-ha" moments. Epiphanies. Reading another's comments/insights. Clarity. I want more... .
I've been married to a dBPD for 22 years but he's not the reason I joined the Forum (a recent realization/admission ). He's under the care of a P/T and has been regulated for a couple of years. Recently retired and enjoying fairly good health, my dBPDh is in a good place and although I'm happy for him, I'm restless and bored. Why? I suspect it's more about mirroring than caretaking. So many of us nons talk about being... . well, "Nons". I'm not so sure the term completely describes those of us who choose to remain with, or find ourselves attracted to, Borderlines. After reading some material, (recommended by you) on narcissism and Jung's the Divine Child (abandoned child/lonely child/disconnected child), I'm reaching for my own clarity and asking for more input. A recent event (recycling) took place involving my FOO. Clearly my dBPDh was not the dysfunctional catalyst... . it was ME! (Another recent realization/admission.) I have some pretty defined narcissistic tendancies and seem to fit the description of the "disconnected child". I'm attracted to Borderlines who display characteristics of the "abandoned child". My BPDh has developmental delays due to trauma experienced as a child... . but he's doing well... . now. He's self-monitoring much better... . now. He's reached a place of peace within himself... . now. And I'm restless. Yes, exploring the deep seas is where I will sail. If I don't, I'm afraid I will seek out another so he will "mirror" my reflection. Paraphrasing a fellow sailor, "... . I realized I was more Narcissus than Echo." My husband's eyes no longer reflect my image... . It's time for me to work on a few issues of my own. Thoughts? Title: Re: My Reflection in His Eyes... Post by: seeking balance on January 29, 2013, 04:32:07 PM I have to say admitting all this is big in and of itself.
I, too, was able to see my NPD traits - colored in the mask of "helping"... . So - do you have a T of your own to embark on this journey? Title: Re: My Reflection in His Eyes... Post by: yeeter on January 30, 2013, 07:30:14 AM My thoughts:
A great start! So many of us nons talk about being... . well, "Nons". I'm not so sure the term completely describes those of us who choose to remain with, or find ourselves attracted to, Borderlines. This couldnt be truer. All of us here have our own issues. Step 1 is accepting this (especially difficult if you are high N traits... . !). Now the real work begins. A journey of improving yourself. |iiii Title: Re: My Reflection in His Eyes... Post by: Katy-Did on January 30, 2013, 08:25:28 AM Thanks for responding. It's helpful to engage in a bit of "back and forth" when it comes to self-disclosure. *) To answer "Seeking Balance"... . no, I do not currently see a therapist. I have one friend with whom I can share. She is married to a uBPD with challenges of her own. She has helped me understand not all families are able to talk about their sensitive areas w/goal-setting in mind (basic conflict resolution strategies). My directness has a tendency to "trigger" folks.
Anyway... . I digress. I am open to sharing thoughts with a professional therapist but I dread the whole "seek & find" routine. My husband has gone through them like tissue. (I don't want to see his P/T---for obvious reasons). |