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I kinda reconnected with my exgfuBPD.  We had become friends (mistake #1).  We have the same breed of dog and that is our common interest.  Any time we talk she dominates 90% of the conversation.  It's always about her and her job.  As my T says she is self absorbed.  Very true.  My T also says she is crazy.  Very true. 

So, I loaned her $200 for dog obedience classes (mistake #2).   The first class was supposed to be last night.  So, I texted her last night to see how it went and got a reply this morning that she's busy and the classes will have to wait.  I'm pissed that she was so adamant about getting the money and now she probably spent it on other stuff.  We had become Facebook friends (mistake #3) and I see she's now in a relationship.  Well, maybe she can sucker the new guy into paying for obedience classes. 

So, I unfriended her on FB and didn't return her text today.  I can't keep doing this to myself.  My T says she just repeats the same behavior in all her relationships.  Very true.  She reels em in and then gets her claws in.  I'm usually able to bounce back but today I'm really down. 

I go to coda meetings and recently started yoga.  I was feeling great and now this.  If it wasn't for the antidepressants I probably wouldn't get out of bed.  I'm going to a yoga class tonight and hopefully attain a feeling of accomplishment.

 

I'm glad to see you're still trying to take care of yourself.  Yoga is wonderful for getting your thoughts off other things.  One thing I learned the hard way--if you are doing "hot" yoga, realize you are -detoxing-!  I felt HORRIBLE for the first two weeks doing this.  I was likely dehydrated and getting rid of lots of "stuff"--had terrible neck and back pain, depression, etc.  Once I realized what was going on I made sure I was properly hydrated and I adjusted.  I feel much better now, so was worth it, but it was very difficult. 

There are times when getting out of bed really IS an accomplishment, and it's important to understand that.  I hope you have a great class!

I wish there were CODA meetings near me. 

its tough-------

I know the feeling... .  its BRUTAL!

after 12 days NC the record she texted me "hi" and the recycle began

I cant help myself... .  even went to dinner with her last Friday after not seeing her for 3 months... .  was like she was doing me a favor... .  patronizing and condescending it sucksssssss!

she's been calling late at night and I keep supporting her and her myriad of problems like any good "friend" would... .  she is using me till something better comes along and i'm letting her... .  

my advice to you is don't do it! I get how its harder than crack cocaine but we have to find a way or they till take everything... .  the weaker they make you the less they respect you and you respect yourself... .  

we must make it stop... .  GOOD LUCK!... .  

Chuck

You have nothing to feel badly about. All you did was try to be constructive and were most probably manipulated for your trouble.

Let this one go. If it returns demand an entire accounting of why and what is different now. Mine would come back repeatedly and try to convince me why I should go with whatever she was trying to sell. But she would never take ownership of anything that happened in the past.

I made it abundantly clear that would have to be the first thing she did if she wanted to communicate with me on any level. I quit hearing from her after that. It is a very good thing.