BPDFamily.com

My uBPDexgf(33) of 3 years just recently broke up with me. We met while she was going through a divorce. She was married for 14 years. Absolutley beautiful. I(44) didn't realize at the time but during the idealization period of about 2 years she took a lot of pictures of us. Put them on face book and in the house. Like obsessivlely. Anyone else experience this? And why do you think?

After just over 2 months of dating my ex she wanted for to get family photos done (she has 2 kids) and put them on the wall. I think they just love the image of the perfect couple or family. In a way I think it validates them and makes them feel "normal".

Dave

You know I think you're right about the "perfect family". I have 2 kids and she has 1. Something she often said for the first year was that how she just wanted for us to be a "family" as in a perfect like a fantasy. I believe that they have an image of the dog, white picket fence, nicely decorated house, perfect kids etc... only to have emotional breakdowns when real life happens.

Many people in love and happy take lots of pictures of couplehood, their partners, and/or family.  It's a person thing not a BPD thing.

Greenmango.

Good point. I think ours were over the top though. As if she needed reminders for lack of identity or self. She also started putting pictures of us all over her FB page before her divorce was final. 

Mine too, I think it's window dressing to convince themselves and others.

+1

I totally agree with GreenMango.

I'm a photo junkie, addicted to FB, and probably overpost. I love photography.  DBPDexH, on the other hand, wouldn't even bring his camera when we went on exotic vacations (and doesn't have a FB account anyway). He said I took enough for the two of us.

I'm convinced that mine used photos as a form of validation. Actually his attachment to them reminded me - even very early on - of the character rachel in blade runner - the replicant with the constructed past? This was during the honeymoon period & well before I knew anything about BPD!

He also had lots and lots of photos of one past girlfriend in particular and would find reasons to get them out & "accidentally" show me the ones of them kissing, her in bed etc etc.  Later on he would make comments about her & imply that I was less (suitable, organised, nice, attractive etc etc).  Even though they had been split up for 12 years when I met him, unlike the others he seemed not to be over her. Maybe the photos were a clue or maybe that he painted her white & all the others black. We broke up shortly after she split from her husband. I think he may have thought to recycle her.  Also I thought she sounded like a "narcissist" before hearing about pd (actually after looking on her website I still do!)

Its from object constancy problems.When you are out of site,you are out of mind. They cannot draw an emotional image of you in there heads- so when you aren't around your either out of her mind all together or associated with abandonment.Mine had pictures of everything all over... her laptop had an incon for every single program and weblink on the computer. She had so many it chewed up all the memory and she couldn't understand why it ran so slow lol!

Yes mine took tons. I believe it was for that perfectly happy image for others to see instead of the lie of her life.

She deleted them just as easily as she took them. I asked her for the one of me holding her daughter but she didn't respond, probably already threw it away.

So cold and heartless. She didn't have many pictures with anyone else though. Even her replacement she didn't or hasn't posted one picture with him as though she is hiding it from the world.

@refuge - I agree about object constancy but in the case of mine it always seemed that the boxes of photos that he had were referencing himself. As in "see, this is me". 

makes sense

mine was a bit more than just BPD ,but she went the opposite direction. She had zero, no pictures of herself... only "us" or her son. I later learned why LOL

I can relate to this, mine has a 1 year old son from a previous relationship (3 now) at first it was all about lets do things familys do, ie go to park, got get lunch together, go to the zoo etc. I didnt see much wrong with that and I enjoyed it, However as time went on, it almost became an obsession, that we must be a perfect family, any defects in us was the end of the world, if i made a mistake as a parent i was the worst dad ever. Real over reactions to everyday things.

It was almost as if she was over compensating for her last failed relationship. Now She is in another relationship and im not allowed to see the child, (when we broke up it was 'you can come see him anytime' the next day i go to get some stuff and 'you cant let him see you why are you here' I guess maybe she will be even more striving to be a perfect family with the new guy, and when he shows his flaws which everyone has, she will start again.

I also had, and occasionaly still have this.

I receive texts asking, please can you send me a pic of you, I need to see you before I go to sleep, need to see your smile, etc!

Kind of makes up for not seeing me in person?

He also kept a gift I gave him and takes it to work every day, sometimes even sending me a photo of it to remind me that he keeps me with him.

Definitely object constancy,it helps them feel you are still THERE when you are not physically around.

My ex was the same way. I'd tend to agree with GM that it may be more of a personality thing, but after our r/s, my ex wanted me to take down pictures of us as a family because they made her feel "uncomfortable." I personally just enjoyed the memories.

I believe there's more than meets the eye with her and pictures. Toward the ending, she was taking down pictures of us and reminders of our r/s. I understand that would be somewhat normal AFTER a break-up. But a truly healthy and rational person would find much more fruitful ways to resolve conflicts than projections, crazy-making, triangulation (read definition) (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=121673.0), tantrums, and emotional abuse. We didn't even go to counseling together one time. She went once, and pointed all the fingers at me.

Of course I was thoroughly confused at the time. Now I understand that I wasn't in a healthy relationship at all. Before our wedding shower, the key "upswing" moment when she had the most to lose and began to destroy the r/s, she would post pictures the same night or the next morning whenever we had an important date, pretty much every weekend. She could be great when she wanted to be. Borderline is her issue though. It's up to us to move forward and become healthier and adopt healthier relationship patterns.