BPDFamily.com

The other day I found a journal that I kept for one day and would like to let you know how this has helped me to detach.  I always looked at our relationship through rose colored glasses and only remember the good - but this one day I took notes on how the day went.  I totally forgot about the misery and this note to myself was a Godsend to help me take off those glasses.  This was my wifes B-day.

1. My wife wanted B-king for breakfast so I was going to get it.  As I prepared to leave she got pissed and said we wouldn't have time (we had an hour) So I ended up not going to get it.

2. My wife didn't want to goto church - I said that was fine the girls and I would go and she could stay home since it was her B-day.  She got pissed saying people would talk about her if she didn't go (she ended up going but was upset the whole day)

3. The sermon was about trusting God - at this time our relationship was going black (before I knew about BPD) I asked her if we were going to trust God to get us through what we were going through - her answer "I can't find God"

4. We went for a bike ride after lunch - the first part went good then I mentioned how I had a good time at the district softball game the other day - she was pissed that I had a good time and started arguing - we rode home seperately.

5. All she wanted for her B-day was to be left alone - and she wanted to cry all day long (that;s what she told me)

6. That night we got in a big fight because I asked her why she had such hatred towards me - she said it was because I never shut up

7. That night we went out with another couple who were our friends - I was going to tell a joke and she completly shot me down and made me feel like a fool.

My thoughts for the day - she hates me and has no love for me - the only time she was happy was when she made me feel bad or sad.

That note I found 5 months latter helped me to detach - so I would suggest for any of you trying to detach - maybe write down a day or two.  Then when we suffer from the loss of the relationship bring that note out and remember the bad also instead of just wearing the rose colored glasses.

What a day!  Sheesh, I remember some days like that, too.  I don't have a journal but I do have old emails.  I have a few saved in their own folder, the ones where I am trying to explain how I feel and he is slamming me.  They did help when I started losing resolve about detaching.  So many circular pointless conversations, ugh.

They go on and on... .  it's funny I couldn't figure out how or why I went Black.  But other days it would be you never ask me how my day went (which was a lie) I would call her 2-3 times a day just to see how things were going.  But then that's how I was controlling because she was busy (busy texting the other guy 100 times a day) Then the next day I would ask how did your day go and in return can't you just leave me alone - all you do is jump on me when I get home.  Left me scratching my head - Thank God for my theropist and this website to help me understand what the hell was going on.

Oh man, is this familiar.  Throw in punched walls and my ex demanding I buy something for him and you have my relationship... .  

Changed4safety,

My HUSBAND also demanded that I buy things for him when I had NO money-had to charge it-and he was working for a six figure income. Anything from ordinary (socks) to very pricey-a hundred dollar toaster of all things! He was very badgering in this gimme gimme mode-as though he was driven to poke poke poke me until he got his way. Like a five year old.

If I was reluctant he would use my hesitation as proof that I was not "into the r/s."



GL