BPDFamily.com

I have been lurking on this site for the last year or so and now I've finally decided to post.

My BPD family member how now started to vomit, almost as if on cue. She did it once right at the dinner table, but other times it seems to be after dinner, especially if the cook has been praised by other people. Anybody else ever experience anything like this?

She has always had issues around food, namely never having any in the house and expressing her surprise that you, her guest whom she invited over for lunch, is hungry and expecting a meal: "You wouldn't expect me to have any food, surely?" Also, she commonly "doesn't eat" and passes out, self-harming and attention-seeking all in one.

Wow! attention-seeking and self-harm definitely! And drama! (I will refrain from using the vomit emoticon).

Yeah.  back towards the start . . .

Mrs. is back now about 50 days from Re-Hab for Eating Disorder.

Already been through Alcoholism, Self-Injury, etc.

Anything in particular that could be helpful to you?

 *welcome*

Llama Drama

I am glad you could make the step from reading to writing.  |iiii

I cannot say much about your very specific question about eating. Some members experienced different eating orders with her partners or family members.

Can you tell us little bit more what brought you here?

Who in your family is suffering from possible BPD?

Please keep in touch, Llama Drama.

Surnia

Its my MIL. My husband is in complete denial. Luckily we live very far away and only see her every year or so, but when we do its 2-3 weeks of pure crazy. The manipulation, emotional blackmail and lying also work over the phone though.

Another of her issues is money. In the past she intentionally made herself homeless so she could "stay" with people. After a few years of that she had worn out her welcome so she went to a seniors housing complex (where I tried to get her to move in the first place. She would burst into tears and say 'I'm not going to a "home"'. She was in her 50s). She has directly or indirectly cost us 10s of thousands of dollars. I am at my wits end with her and my husband is in complete denial when it comes to talking about it, "yeah, I don't know what's up with mom" but he has spent his whole life parentified and covering for her. When we were first dating she gave away everything he owned (furniture, appliances, etc) and then said, "well, you wouldn't expect me to know where those things are, surely." Someone with normal parents would want to know what the hell happened to their stuff, but he just shrugged it off and was like, oh well. I should have known something was up when he took me to meet her and paid her for picking us up at the airport.

Hi, Llama

Yes, I know about this.

As far as your description of your MIL's vomiting, in my experience people with BPD feel extraordinarily threatened when someone else is praised. It's the fear of abandonment, I believe. The vomiting after a meal is a not-so-subtle way of announcing "LOOK what he/she DID TO ME!"

More recently, a relative who has some waify traits came over for supper. We had prepared a super simple meal of grilled skinless chicken breast and baked macaroni and cheese because these are like two of the only four foods she will eat. She lifted one macaroni noodle to her lips, rose slowly from the table, walked over to the kitchen sink and proceeded to theatrically dry heave over it for several minutes, then started crying and locked herself in the bathroom for half an hour.

Now, if we had served her something she hated, or if she had a health condition or was actually sick I would totally understand someone needing to run off and barf. But, I mean, wouldn't you acknowledge it somehow? As in, "Geez, I haven't been feeling well!" or "Excuse me, guys. I need to run to the restroom" or even "I hate noodles!" I dunno, maybe I am lacking compassion for her, but it just struck me as strange, dramatic and manipulative, not at all like someone who suddenly became ill and needed help.

Hi Llama Drama and welcome! 

I can see why you and your husband are frustrated. Your MIL's behavior sounds pretty alarming.

I agree with WolfSpider and the others that some of your MIL's actions (especially the vomiting) seem to be cries for attention and/or related to fears of abandonment. Where is she living now--is she still in the housing complex? While it looks like she's vomiting for attention, have any other potential health issues been ruled out?

It sounds like you're also concerned about your husband's reaction to his mother's issues. Are you and your husband on the same page when it comes to her care and how she'll be taken care of in the future?

Welcome again, and please jump into the conversations here. You'll find some good tools to help you deal with your MIL, and you'll also find that many of us have similar concerns about our BPD family members.