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I was sitting here feeling hollow. Where I once was full to overflowing with happiness, pains, questions and dreams, now I feel a lot of that has left me. I'm in a middle period. One where I get to choose what to refill myself with. Finding I'm not completely empty, there's still a lot of good stuff left. As the energy levels rise, and life goes on, things will not only only get back to normal but will be better than before in many ways. I think part of why I got here was from facing the grief. Not that I'm quite done with it yet (it may go on for years, dealing with the aftermath of this relationship falling apart the way it did), but sitting with those feelings, letting the tears come out, writing it out and talking it out, has helped. For awhile I looked at myself as if I was too empty now, a real lost cause. Today I'm seeing it more as I'm a glass half-filled, and looking forward to refilling myself as best I can with the best that I can find. Someday I may even be overflowing again.

Just a personal observation, a bit of hope for those still struggling so much, and a chance for others to add in about where you're at these days and how you're finding ways to help yourself get through it. Believing in ourselves is one of the most important foundations for whatever else we choose to do. From there, so much else is possible.

Many thanks to all the people here who help to keep the focus on what's real.

It takes a while to see the progress, but when you get to this point, you can touch and feel the growth. My fairy-tale ending was over, I then looked back, and saw where this line of thinking got me.


Dont put yourself up to an impossible task. Take things as they come, and find a balance. You will know where this is for you, when you get there... .  I think what you once considered "overflowing", you now understand as unsustainable... .  I wish you well, PEACE

  Myself.  I think a lot of our challenge is to wait for the validation that we are on the right path while not seeking fulfillment from our pwBPD.  You have to walk along for a while alone in the forest before you see where the path has taken you.  Until you get there, it's hard to be sure you're on the right road.

But you are.  It is obvious in every word you write.  Courage my friend.  A year from now, it is going to feel different and better.  I am sure of that.

I appreciate and relate to every single word you wrote, but these sentences jumped out at me because you've described EXACTLY how it works and you've described it well!

|iiii

turtle

 myself

thank you for this timely post.

I am struggling too- only past 2 months out and I find myself wondering... .  what if we had gone for joint counseling? What if we tried therapy or MC? What if it was was more my fault than I was willing to admit? What if divorce is a huge mistake?

I second guess myself now a lot more than I ever did. I didn't struggle like this after ending a 25 year marriage! I was done with that r/s long before it officially ended, and felt none of the regrets that I do now, at having a abrupt, unwanted "non-ending" to my marriage.

This internal struggle is NEW to me. it's foreign.

It's just comforting to know that even though I may not get answers, perhaps not the way I want-it's a process.

And I AM feeling better, more balanced every day.

GL

Hey myself  (sounds funny, since this is the opening to a few self-dialogs)

I am at the point where the glass is pretty empty.  But, it is a matter of perception whether that is good or bad.  I recently had to dump it back out - was filling up with the disorder again (don't drink the kool aid).

So, that is where I am at.  to use another analogy, the well is not dry, but it does need to be primed.

The new day awaits, the tempest has calmed, and I have clean underwear... .  

|iiii

Michael