BPDFamily.com

Am not sure if its any different trying to detach from a non BPD, as it is from someone who is an uBPDw but having strong BPD tendecies/traits. Worse if its their first relationship, as is my case. I often feel the guilt pangs digging deep into me - have already been recycled twice, and am trying to resist the third time.

She moved out of the house last month, but left some of her clothes and other belongings at my place - I reckon as a means to come back to my place every now and then. Recently, she comes back to my place in the middle of the night and laments that I am 'sleeping ever so peacefully' whilst she is having a hard time adjusting to her new place; and then proceeds to pick an argument with me. I refuse to indulge and remain calm. She then tells me that she wants me to join her in a new house hunt. I found this a bit weird, given that we are weeks away from a divorce. I tell her that it will be awkward, but she argues back saying it was awkward for us to sign the divorce papers. She then questions if I still have feelings for her. I remain silent. She then answers her own question by saying if there are no feelings, I should join her in house hunting. The very next day, I do just that - even though I still have feelings for her, but refuse to reveal it to her.

After visiting a handful of new places, she tells me she is better off in her current place and will stay putt. It left me wondering, why did we even bother this 'house-hunt' exercise. Was it to rope me in, by gauging my emotional reaction? Why try indirect means? Is it cuz she feels shame to ask me? There are so many questions in my mind; why cant things be so direct - why these games of testing the water, etc.

Remember that she likely has whole fantasies going on in her mind about what just happened.

Try this one on for size -- OK, went back to his (our) house, we argued a little about working things out.  Then we went looking for houses together.  Things may all work out between us.

Not saying that is what the fantasy is, but what I have learned to turn-off the words/volume and watch the actions.  Remember she is feeling things (real or fantasy), while you are thinking things.  Same planet, different world.

You're absolutely right - I have been thinking on the same lines, as to this could be her fantasy of hoping things may work out between us. If I were to merely go by actions, then she is still staying in her current place and there have been no genuine attempts to apologize, come clean. In her mind, I reckon I am the one who is wrong as I chose to finally get off the crazy roller coaster - and these 'breadcrumbs' are her way of getting me to crawl back to her, so she can feel justified (insert whatever reason in here).