BPDFamily.com

stbxBPDh began texting after I sent a last ditch e-mail. Both our attorneys have suggested counseling during separation-so I said I am willing before we decide on the final divorce decree, to consider counseling.

I sent about 4-5 lines-stating my willingness to consider MC as a last ditch effort. In case he was also leaning that way.

He didn't reply to the e-mail. but began texting, trying to bait me into a fight.

Telling me that I was getting the settlement amt. I "fought" for. I never fought- but OK. I didn't reply-as I'm not even sure he's telling the truth!

Talking about me "siccing" my lawyer on him. (oh well... .  ) Talking about not ever being able to trust me! Complete projection. I never did anything behind his back. Nothing deceitful, never lied. Never hid things from him. I did not JADE.

He was obviously feeling persecuted-but did have demands about the MC/therapy. He was FINE, didn't need counseling (he has AA), but wanted me to get professional help as I'm the one who destroyed the r/s. Single handed. He's still the hapless victim.

I didn't provoke him, stayed neutral. No matter how bland my replies-he was angry, blaming and a Victim. It was good for me personally to see that he was deeply into the same mindset he was over 2 months ago. Nothing's changed. this whole spiral began last May... .  then a bump up in August... .  and October. His acting out spiked sharply every 2 months or so.

I had a lot of what if questions that had stayed lingering in my mind.

We never had numerous recycles. Broke only once before-the same way, him forcing me out with rages.

I feel better now knowing that I exhausted every avenue. I really would have kept wondering if I was wrong, fleeing the home during his last rage-and starting over. If I might have acted too hastily myself. Was I too quick to exit?

I was hoping he would eventually calm down, step back, reflect on what he did as well.

He's still not capable. And may never be.

I feel like I held out my olive branch, and he slapped it down.

That's enough for me. I don't need to try again. I made a decent honest effort.

Oh, and it didn't upset me at all. I felt nothing. If anything I was amazed at how tenacious the disordered mind is. I had nothing to prove-except to myself, that It's really over. Didn't cry myself to sleep. Didn't fret. Didn't toss and turn. Had a good night and woke up refreshed.

My life now is so restful. It's better in many small ways and some big ones. 13 weeks out.

And it feels remarkably different and good.

GL

It's so amazing when we turn the corner from trying to explain our side over to this is how they cope.  It's powerful to realize that this is the disorder and nothing we did that was wrong or abusive.  Marriage counseling is interesting with a partner with BPD.  It does nothing but reinforce that yes, we need to leave this situation.  It's unhealthy, it's not going to change and we either save ourselves or subject ourselves to pointless abuse.  Life is too short!