BPDFamily.com

in RURAL RURAL patriarchal crooked small town court

most local lawyers refused me,

the local lawyer I hired first, did not step up, fired her.

went out of area for expensive attorney whom I have to FLY to court.

He was disappointing in my settlement negotiations last week.

he was so agreeable at times I felt like STBX had 2 attorneys.

Like the good old boys, 3 men in a room to get the woman to settle.

At one point my L was LAYING BACK IN THE EASY CHAIR AS UBPDH BULLIED ME , like he was watching a movie.

I even told him "I need you to sit up here and negotiate"  he is a mormon.

UBPDH wont budge on me relocating with DD10. Of course he wants everything to stay the same.we are still on his original 50/50 exparte lying affadivit orders.

I realized I know every aspect of my case so detailed, I even knew all the bank balances and dates by heart.

So its gonna be hard to put anything past me.

Unless i m upset or something.

Im wondering if I could find a cheaper lawyer, closer to me ...

now that Im headed to trial.

I dunno if lawyers dont like to take cases at this point.

but if my layer does not have a good plan, Ive got to see if I can find someone who can.

My head is much clearer and I understand my case so much better... .    I feel more confident in my ability to KNOW if its the right one.

We all know the bottom line of why I need to get as much time with dd and reduce hers with UBPDDAD.

I could save BOATLOADS, my attorney is 400. hrplus travel

most are 200 hr around here.

Do lawyers take cases between a settlement negotiation and trial?

do they charge more?

Does it look bad on my court record that Im on my third attorney?

He just is not worth double attorney fees

SO found a lawyer under those circumstances-twice.  First was uselss, did no prep, didn't file forms... .  second is great but used the entire $7500 trial retainer getting up to speed on the case, so YES. Just be prepared to pay.

Yes, it cost me $ to switch also, but it was worth it.

Logically, I would think you want someone local that knows case law.  If I recall, you are in Canada, so I am not as familiar with the way things work there.

It does sound like you paid a lot of money for results anyone could have gotten - is this guy a good trial lawyer?  Sounds like you will be going to trial at this point.

Can you find an L who has expertise in domestic violence? I'm not familiar with your case, but if you're like many women divorcing N/BPD men, there was likely enough abuse that a DV lawyer will recognize all the signs and know how to fight for you in court. My therapist recommended my L specifically because she isn't afraid of good ol' boys and is very psychological about what's happening in the room. It was so helpful -- as you know, those settlement conferences/mediation are very psychologically exhausting, and it was important that my L understood what was happening.

As someone who has gone through three attorneys, and is now suing the third one, I'd say, if you can afford it, try to change.  You can't take the chance of going into a trial with someone that is not supporting you and attempting to meet your objectives.  It is time consuming and requires effort to find a new attorney, but I was given similar advice about two years ago, but did not listen.  Then it was a screwed up settlement that cost me an additional $8k over what ex had offered, and then another $14k in legal fees to get to that wonderfully negotiated larger settlement. 

As far as the crooked courthouse and the number of attorneys, not sure how that plays.  It never came up in my case in a bad way.  I also don't think it matters when you switch and there is no extra charge - in fact you may even be able to negotiate a lower retainer since a lot of the paperwork has already been done. 

One other thing I noticed about myself and how I managed, or not, my attorneys, many times I did not explain my objectives clearly enough.  I do think some attorneys get to a point where they know they can't milk anymore from the case, and they try to end it easily - even if it costs you more money.  My last L ended up cutting off all communication.  That was my que that she needed to be gone and that I would not be able to proceed with her representing me.  Because she wasn't.

You can't replace somebody with nobody.  But I hope you can find somebody you will have confidence in, and who will be a strong advocate for you.

My first lawyer talked a good game, and claimed to have experience with BPD, but when it came time to do the job, he dropped the ball repeatedly, wasn't a strong advocate for me, and it became clear that he didn't have any real experience with BPD.  I was reluctant to change - even after my wise friends here told me I should - because of the cost and disruption.  I kept making excuses for my lawyer and hoping his behavior would change.

I even tried to talk it through with my lawyer, and convince him to step up.  But he made it clear he knew it all, and I knew I had to change.

I made a bunch of calls and met with a few lawyers.  Finally I found one who clearly had experience with BPD and was prepared to do the job.

But the biggest thing I learned was that a good lawyer without a good plan isn't worth much.  What we need is a good attorney who will buy in to our objectives, and provide a good plan to achieve them - no guarantees, but a solid plan how to get from where you are to where you want to be.

Can you get on the phone and contact every family law attorney in town, and meet as many as possible, til you find one you think can do the job?

I can call the ones I did not call in the beginning.

I was rejected by all but one in the beginning. she was a loser, a local girl earning her way into the local good old boys club.

The courts are extremely provencial, backward and the boys club.

The college of physicains and surgeons of BC protecs their own.

The whole system seems to be about keeeping me quiet.

Nobody would touch me case "You are the wife of who , where? "

thats why I had to go OUT of the region to find the lawyer Ive got.

But Ive another breath tomorrow, and Im gonna keep at it.