BPDFamily.com

Hello,

My mother has BPD.  Having grown up with a mother with BPD has led me to also have traits of the disorder.  I figured having resources to better understand how to continue to have a relationship with my mother would also help me in my own relationships.  I never realized before my own diagnosis that the difficulties and situations in my childhood were possibly due to my mother having an untreated personality disorder.

 *welcome*

A warm welcome to you, pastthemission.  My mother also had BPD, a realization I didn't make until well into adulthood.  It's a tough thing to discover and yet comforting at the same time, because finally everything makes sense!  It's great that you've come here for more information and support.  I've found that the more I've read and learned, the easier it all gets.

I want to point you toward a few articles you might find helpful:

Acceptance, when our parent has BPD (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=111415.0)

Children of BPD Parents: Reclaiming Our Lost Selves (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118781.0)

How are things with your mom these days?  Are you in regular contact?  How does she get along with other family members?

Welcome, pastthemission.

I have a mother with BPD as well and also ended up with quite a few fleas (traits of the disorder). I want to commend you for reaching out for support and for your willingness to work on your own issues. As long as that willingness is there, healing will be possible. You mention you have a diagnosis... .  does that mean you already have a Therapist? If so, that is another great step.

We do have some very helpful tools here at bpdfamily.com that can help us learn to step out of the cycle of conflict and detach with love while maintaining a relationship with someone who has BPD. There is also a Survivor's Guide for those of us with a parent with BPD. The links forgottenarm shared are a good place to start. What kinds of things do you think would be most helpful for you at this point in your recovery? Is there anything specific you would like to work on?

I'm glad you've joined us.

Wishing you peace,

PF

Dear pastthemission,

Welcome!  I had never heard of BPD.  Then, a couple of years into counseling, my therapist suggested my mother probably has it.  Unitl then I did not comprehend why life has always seemed like a social, emotional, and spiritual hardship.  Without knowing it, I have spent years trying to cope with fleas I got from living with  personality disorder and alcoholism.  Now, I am learning to be compassionate toward myself.  I recognize the magnitude of what I have survived.  Slowly but surely I am learning to change the quality of my life.  I no longer settle for mere survival.  Instead I can look forward to increasing engagement and satisfaction with others.  Change for me involves participating in a community that can empathize with my life experiences.  I am pulling out of isolation. 

I trust you will receive support and encouragement here!

Warm regards,

Diligence

Thank you for the welcomes everyone!  Sorry it took me so long to reply back.  I do have a personal therapist who I have been seeing for 1.5 years.  I only recently found out that she had diagnosed me with BPD.  Over the summer I got pretty sick and ended up in the hospital and going through an outpatient program twice.  I was diagnosed with PMDD which apparently can mimic BPD, so my diagnosis is a bit up in the air right now.

I'll definitely read the articles.  My childhood also started to make soo much more sense once I realized my mom has BPD.  I was reading an article about Marsha Linehan and the one sentence explanation of BPD was basically my childhood.  A little bittersweet.  I do still have contact with my mom, but it's not a very close relationship, but it is less strained than it used to be.  What's odd about having a mom with BPD is having people not quite understand why I don't think of myself as having a mom as I grew up.  My mom never got treatment and my dad was always at work, so my sister was basically the person who took me shopping, etc., so she was more of a mom figure to me when I was younger. 

Through my therapy and outpatient program I've been learning to be much more compassionate towards myself.  It's been hard to mellow out the critical part of myself, but has been very rewarding to do so.  :)

Really sorry to be slow in responding, pastthemission!  It was great to see your response, though.  I totally get what you're saying about not feeling like you had a mother.  I feel the same way---mine was more like a sibling or something.  It is hard for people to understand when they haven't been close to someone with BPD.  That's one reason I hope you'll keep posting around here.  It's great to connect with others who can relate!

There's a board that focuses on parents with BPD in particular (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=7.0).  It's a great place to read others' stories and post your own questions.

Take care

FA

Hi pastthemission,

Welcome!   As you've seen, you're not alone here. Many of us grew up with mothers with BPD, and it's not uncommon to have picked up traits. I'm glad to hear that you've been taking good care of yourself through therapy and learning to be more compassionate towards yourself.

Is there anything in particular that you're focusing on while you work on healing? There are many resources here that you can use to work on yourself and your relationship with your mother, and I'd encourage you to check out the Survivor's Guide on the right of this page.

How can we best support you?

Welcome again, and I look forward to seeing you around here.

-GG

Thanks for all of the responses everyone!  My responding is sporadic because I'm finding the forum a little triggering so I need to make sure to limit my time here.  I guess knowing more about having a BPDm would be good.  Also, I have been diagnosed with BPD myself so I'm finding the information on treatment interesting as well.  I'm currently in treatment and it has been going very well.