BPDFamily.com

Hey guys,

Just wanted to point out how my own psyche has unraveled as an effect of remaining involved in a toxic rs w my ex who has BPD.

Isolation represents how my exwBPD manipulated me in to isolation by making subtle comments about my friends and/or family... .  and/or reserving empathy for friends and family for only when my feelings are hurt... .  making me want to stay away from them to validate that there are not other people around that make me look bad. She only used these more advanced tactics when old methods of threatening to hang out w/ mystery friends and flirty stories about men in her life kept me on a short leash.

Rs w/ BPD represents the chaotic relationship itself involving idealized romance, love bombing, idealization/devaluation... etc.

jealousy represents the jealous nature and how i elminated everything in my life that made her jealous... .  including any hobbies or activities that made her feel insecure for not having a core self.

social paranoia results from the isolation... .  i am worried that everyone is better than me. Anytime I was upset at anyone else mistreating me in my life, she quickly jumped to the other person's side... .  validating my inferiority (her projection).

insecurity results from being involved in a push/pull relationship... .  how can I be secure of who I am, when the person I am closest to changes their perception of me on a week to week basis... .  how does this kind of social mirroring affect me?

possesiveness results from all the games/painting she played to get me to resent others in her life, and how she would get others in her life to resent me. The end result is everybody trying to protect the person from each other... .  and it is pure madness. I think she enjoys the fact that everyone scrambles around her trying to save her from one another. Everybody wants to feel like the hero, or her number one source of supply. Sad that she allows others to expend WASTED ENERGY on her.

After all, since BPD is an emotional thermometer of a personality disorder... .  it is pretty easy to see what pisses other people off, when your significant other's emotions are 100x stronger than normal. When someone loves you 100 times stronger than normal, and is a wounded child walking in a sea of predators looking to take advantage of the ideologically weak... .  it is hard to not FEEL possessive.

In what sense did social paranoia, insecurity, and possesiveness play a part in my life in previous relationships?

Well i guess I have always been a little socially paranoid... .  everything around me certainly encourages it.

I have always been a little insecure... .  but it hasn't kept me from going after my goals and dreams... .  but it has allowed me to get ripped off my course by manipulators who take advantage of my naivety.

I have never been possesive, in fact I have always felt objectified by others... .  I think everyone should be free. This is strong indicator that my true self got twisted by this dysfunctional rs... .  and that I can accept the fact that I'm a bit naive... .  and keep up my boundaries... .  which is adding to my social paranoia for the moment, but I don't ever want to feel responsible or guilty over another person's shameful behavior again. Let other people own their own sht... .  

Stoic

Okay well if i want to make the right side of the equation 0... .  to reverse the negative effects this relationship had on me?

I can make Isolation + rs w/BPD + jealousy = 0... .  

First I can take my social paranoia... .  and turn it in to a strength by creating healthy boundaries with healthy people... .  causing my fear to diminish since I am distracted by the positive interactions... .  by subtracting social paranoia from this side of the equation... .  I end up with a new found "social awareness".

I can also take my insecurity and turn it in to a strength. Why be so uptight about what others think about me... .  I am accepting of my flaws and strengths and seeing myself as grey and as so much more than an ego that needs validation... .  I can turn it in to security... .  which is almost the same as insecurity... .  security is just a insecurity with a little twist of humility mixed in for flavor

I can take my possessiveness and turn it in to a strength. I am my own keeper... .  if I am possesive about myself, I will ensure that I take advantage of the many opportunities for positive growth in my life, and protect myself from toxic reassurances... .  that validate my false self/ but deny my true self of genuine acceptance for my very grey self. I am worth protecting.

now we have Isolation + rs w/BPD + jealousy = (social paranoia + insecurity + possessiveness) + new(self awareness + self esteem + self protection) = 0.

So to balance out the negative effects of this relationship this is all that I need:

new self awareness

new self esteem

new self protection

Sounds okay to me. I want this relationship to have at the very least a ZERO NET effect on the quality of my life.

No more resentments or projective identification.

Who knows maybe if these new traits and behaviors of mine are really strong, the effect might actually be POSITIVE.

Stoic

Bob Dylan. Don't think twice