BPDFamily.com

So far so good.  DH has decided to detox from his pain meds, thinking it is the meds that make him so grumpy, irritable, and rollercoaster emotionally.  I know that he was like that before he went on the meds, so I am worried what will happen on the other side, but applaud his decision.  He is on low doses of methadone and oxycodone for pain and he will be dealing with that when he gets this stuff out of his system. 

I asked him to never detox again without a doctor and he agreed, but when he decided he was done with the meds he just stopped taking them.  Then his doctor (and friend) had a heart attack and died and we had to find a new doctor.  It seemed no one wanted to take a methadone patient in our small town (nobody cares about me) so he tried to get into an inpatient detox program, but his dose is so small they told him he should do it at home (nobody cares).  I said all the wrong things too, so I didn't care. 

Finally we found a new doc in our town and he turns out to be a great guy and patient doctor.  He gave DH a chart of how to step down slowly to minimize symptoms and gave him something for the anxiety and to sleep.  He is doing pretty well with it all, but finding it hard to sleep. 

I am hoping he can find something for the pain that is not addictive.  He does have considerable pain when not on his meds, so I am worried about his physical health and worried about how he will respond to emotions when he does not have the meds to blame.  Trying to take it one day at a time, but after 17 years together I am a bit skeptical.  I think I've lost my empathy too.

He wants to step down faster, won't take my or the doc's advice , then wants me to say well done!  I try to encourage, but when I suggest he should follow the chart he says that maybe he should just go take a whole handfull of pills. 

And on top of it all, I am supposed to be planning our daughter's 10th birthday and she wanted to invite a couple friends to sleep over.  Now I don't know if she can even have a party.  Makes me so mad!

OK- done venting.  Thanks for listening.

I'm so sorry to hear that this is disrupting your daughter's party plans.  That in itself is devastating for a child.  Maybe you can come up with an alternate plan for a party rather than a sleep over.

As for the meds... .  it's a difficult hurdle to cross.  Pain management is difficult.  I can't imagine being in his or your position.  I can only offer my shoulder, unfortunately.  I've no great words of wisdom unless there's a specialized pain management clinic he can find nearby~~I know they are hard to find. 

Vent away... .  someone may read your posts and have some really great advise for you!

When I read your title regarding Detox . . .  I laughed and figured someone was asking about how get away from the Toxin of BPD.  :)

When Mrs. first got back from rehab a couple months ago, she was so Toxic it was making me physically ill -- headache, stomach ache -- as she went around ranting under her breath. 

But real story along your line.  About 11 years ago, when our T took Mrs. off the meds she had been on -- 4 different 'scripts at the same time.  Mrs. had managed to clear Self-Injury issues in T, and was assumed to be getting better.  I was put on "Suicide Watch," (a truly terrible thing, btw -- makes my eyes tear and my feet start running in place just writing this).

She did ok, but who knows where/how things could have gone. 

Totally agree this on/off stuff should be under competent Medical Supervision.  Rough stuff.  If you look at the history of many of school shooters -- they are recently off various Meds.