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Title: How to stop loving her? Post by: Guz on February 09, 2013, 03:19:34 PM It feels like a curse!
Why have i cried every day for six months? I have read just about every post i this board and my intellectual mind have no problems in recognizing what went on. She is a classic abandonded child. I am a prototype rescuer/fixer/enabler lonenly child. I understand all of the dynamics. I have accepted the facts. I do want a different life from now on. We have divorced already. I am making real progress for myself. Everybody says so! Why then does it still feel so horrible wrong? It is like I am still hurting for both of us... . But she is getting a partner tattoo with her new boyfriend. His stating that he belongs to her!... . And I still love her. Is this possible at all or am i still in the FOG? I do not want her back - so this must be all about me, right? Like I became trapped in a even more helplessesly unhealthy place than she... . Title: Re: How to stop loving her? Post by: OTH on February 09, 2013, 03:55:14 PM I do agree. It is about you. It is a big world out there. A big part about moving on is new social experiences. Some of us have problems with this. Some of us back away because it feels wrong. I'm not talking about r/s either. I'm talking about getting out there and having new social experiences. This was the best cure for ruminating for me. I would often not feel good about going out but once out... . no ruminations. New people equal new possibilities. When you meet new people you connect with it feels good. Make life less about her. More about new people. You had a major breakup. It sucks. Wide open world out there. Positive action brings positive results
Title: Re: How to stop loving her? Post by: Traye on February 09, 2013, 09:23:43 PM I don't think you necessarily stop loving a BPDex... . it just changes over time. I'm still very much in love with my exBPDexgf... . but can feel the pity for her starting to set in.
Title: Re: How to stop loving her? Post by: almost789 on February 10, 2013, 05:34:11 AM Yeah, i dont think you stop loving them. I still feel that i love him still. But accept that you cant be in a relationship with her.
Title: Re: How to stop loving her? Post by: Leaf on February 10, 2013, 07:05:57 AM And I still love her. Is this possible at all or am i still in the FOG? I do not want her back - so this must be all about me, right? Like I became trapped in a even more helplessesly unhealthy place than she... . Yeah, what is that unhealthy place... . I'm absolutely positive I don't want my BPDxbf in my house or in my car but I still want HIM. Title: Re: How to stop loving her? Post by: Surnia on February 10, 2013, 07:21:13 AM Yes, I agree with others here.
It is not about not loving her. Moving on let you see that you don't wont be in a relationship with her. That you love yourself more. That you have healthy boundaries. It is a big world out there. A big part about moving on is new social experiences. Do not focus so much on her new tattoo or her new boyfriend. Do you have things in your life that helps you distracting from her? Title: Re: How to stop loving her? Post by: real lady on February 10, 2013, 09:10:06 AM I heard a saying
"you may never stop loving them, but you can learn to live without them"... . and that makes a LOT of sense to me. You are just becoming aware of "where you have been emotionally" now that she is gone. Now you can BETTER FOCUS on yourself. Title: Re: How to stop loving her? Post by: Surnia on February 10, 2013, 10:05:36 AM I heard a saying "you may never stop loving them, but you can learn to live without them"... . This is a great saying, real lady! |iiii |