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She emailed me to get rest of her stuff off my porch, she said some mean things but it was short. I was going to be away today so I emailed her back and said she could get it today, and I said nothing else. When I got home the stuff was gone (Yeay!) but when I saw the email she wrote after she picked the stuff up, it was so bad (can't even come up with a word). Vile, mean, She played on every weakness I have. Just having someone in this world that hates me that much when every bit of effort was done to be the exact opposite is soo hard to take. I have gotten a little better in the past couple weeks, but that email slapped me back quite a few steps. Slammed everything I care so much about. She left no stone unturned and it was only a paragraph. My relationship with her son, my character, who I am as a person. I have read so much on hear that explains this, but I just can't understand how someone can be that nasty. I only read it once (once too many, I know) and then deleted it. along tiwth the other couple she sent. I don't want to have them, but will I need them incase she does something that I need the police for? I hope not. I'm feeling depressed, anxious and alone right now. I don't expect anymore emails, I'm blocking it anyway. I blocked her phone # last week. How can she look at the last 2 years and come up with bashing the parts of me that have proved love to her. How can she hate so much. Thank you for listening.

  I'm sorry this happened Clancy.  Can you do something nice for yourself?

Those close to her are her escape goat for the bad feelings she harbors about herself. Not your fault.

I agree with GM, do something nice for you.

Clancygt... .    it makes no sense so it's useless to try and make sense of it... .    I have been going thru the exact same feelings for the past week when my ex TOTALLY painted me black... .    texting me over and over how evil, how diabolical I am, how much he hates me, accusing me of crazy things I've never done and then saying that he hopes my daughter (who is 5) finds out how horrible I am, etc etc etc.

I was such a shattered mess because it was SO out of the blue, that I had to leave work by 9:30am one day, get appt with my therapist the next day, cry every day, etc.

Before I got the appt with the therapist, I actually had one of my friends (who I have known for 32 years) beg me to go to a women's crisis center to get help... .  and pretty sadly, she only knows a tiny bit of my history with him... .  

Anyway - I guess my point is - you aren't alone.  Apparently this IS par for the course.

Yet when it happens, no matter how much my brain understands what is happening, my heart and my self-esteem cannot understand or handle it.

And I don't have to.  And neither do you... .     stay strong.  Because it likely won't be the last time if you don't... .  

wishing you well... .  

My ex's "final" email was also very scathing. It had the completely baseless accusation of me not caring for her daughter... .  just because I apparently wasn't paying attention to her at our wedding shower. The toddler was always with someone, and my ex was flippin' sitting right next to me! I couldn't count how many times I watched her while my ex was changing clothes, talking to people at church, or "doing whatever" as I was accused of. The point is that it really has nothing at all to do with us. I had several convo's with her former co-workers and they confirmed that her past was extreme, and they ere all surprised how fast our r/s became serious and how fast she decided to end it. It's their unhealthy coping mechanisms to help them avoid shame and cope with daily living. It's best for us to move on to healthier relationships, find out what was attractive to us in our ex's, and move forward the best we can.

I think far too much thought is put into these rages. Basically you have a very hurt/confused person (even if they did the hurting), who is saying a bunch of stupid shyte, not unlike a 3 year old. I have always been able to ignore the words. They are meaningless. Now the wh0ring around and disappearances (actions) I have not been so good at ignoring.

The final email I got was about 2 hours after I told her to GTFO. She said i was So Cruel - that was after 1 year of brutal emotional abuse and intense mood swings from her. Oh and she said I had 'intense mood swings'. Yep I definitely had one big one ... .  GTFO!

Grateful to have 4 months NC.

Who knew that black could be so dark hey?   monstrous emails   

Hang on in there, and hopefully this is your rock bottom. Find some fresh air and breath deep, the only way is up from here for you. Celebrate every single day you are out, you did it, you can do this too.  |iiii

Since her last email, I blocked the email address. It has hurt watching Valentines commercials the past few days. At times it feels overwhelming to go from spending every waking moment with her to nothing so quickly. NC and spending my nights sitting in my livingroom has been depressing and not motivating, espacially since all them terrible things she was saying in the last email 3 days ago. This morning I have felt a little proud of myself (hope it lasts more than a couple hours) that I finally got out and have cut the communication after the torment I put myself through to get there. It hurts terribly and it feels so wrong to leave the 2 people I love most in this world (her & her son). I have tried hard to not think of her next r/s and whether they will get what I got or will she be better and it was just me. I try to keep an attitude that it's no a competition (a phrase I used many times in the r/s) of whether she does better in life than I do. I am sure she has "hooked up" already. One thing I'm gratefull I don't have to dwell on is the sexual part of our relationship. Eventhough she is very attractive and sexy looking, due to her childhood, she is not comfortable with sex at all and there are not many memories of fireworks in that area. Mostly trying to be gentle, understanding and aware of her mood during sex. I really feel bad about that, there were many times it was obvious things were not going well and I didn't feel right continuing. I know it was stressful for her, she did want to please me that way, and I was grateful to be with her and able to understand that part of the r/s (however, it was throw back at me more than once that I was insensitive and "just wanted sex". I know I have to feel satisfation in that area, but I just feel for her about that. Been feeling lonely and disjointed. I know the things I need to do and the people I have to get back in my life, it just hasn't come yet.  Thank you ALL! I have a lot of healing to do !

Hi clancygt, this is very similar situation to what I am experiencing at present.  I had a week of NC and due to circumstances over the past two months, I was finally begining to work on myself and was feeling positive.  Then I get, not one but two emails.  I, too, was shocked at the accusations he threw at me.  Gutted was an understatement.  It is very hard when you read them, to remember not to take things they say personally.  It was also obvious reading the first one and then the second one, just how messed up his head is.  It hurts, it's mean, it's cruel and it left me questioning myself again.  I am back reading and re-reading posts again to remind myself that it's part of their illness.  Be kind to yourself , every day is a step away :)