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Title: when they say things that just hurt Post by: sunshine40 on February 11, 2013, 12:25:55 PM okay, so,
Not that we have been getting along very well lately anyway, but yesterday my upbdh decided to stick a nkife in a wound and twist (not literally)... I have recently gone back to school full time, and it does take time away from family. I do have some guilt associated with that (not that I have any real reason to, I am mostly home when the kids are, and they are all old enough to hanlde things for an hour or two without me.) But yesterday, I was asked to participate in somthing for church that I really would love to do, and while checking my schedule for it, he made the comment (after throwing a book across the room), "You always do what you want to do, you don want to be with your family." etc. and so forth. I did a pretty good job of tuning it out yesterday and not reacting, but it hit a nerve, because I have had guilt not being the stay at home mom I always was, who enabled laziness because I did everything (and now I pretty much do not anymore)... and I cannot help feeling terribly hurt. And it is athis dark cloud hanging over me that I cannot seem to let go. any advice? Title: Re: when they say things that just hurt Post by: yeeter on February 11, 2013, 02:29:12 PM okay, so, Not that we have been getting along very well lately anyway, but yesterday my upbdh decided to stick a nkife in a wound and twist (not literally)... I have recently gone back to school full time, and it does take time away from family. I do have some guilt associated with that (not that I have any real reason to, I am mostly home when the kids are, and they are all old enough to hanlde things for an hour or two without me.) But yesterday, I was asked to participate in somthing for church that I really would love to do, and while checking my schedule for it, he made the comment (after throwing a book across the room), "You always do what you want to do, you don want to be with your family." etc. and so forth. I did a pretty good job of tuning it out yesterday and not reacting, but it hit a nerve, because I have had guilt not being the stay at home mom I always was, who enabled laziness because I did everything (and now I pretty much do not anymore)... and I cannot help feeling terribly hurt. And it is athis dark cloud hanging over me that I cannot seem to let go. any advice? A common issue: many of the accusations have an element of truth. But life is grey. Its about balance and tradeoffs. BPD's cannot do that, they can only do black and white so the accusations come out. You know whether you are 'neglecting' your family or not (is anyone starving, cold, being abused?). If not - go do some of your own hobbies. Its critical to good health. Dont feel guilty about it. Dont justify it. Just do it... . (I know, easy to say and hard to do... . but that is your own work to do) Title: Re: when they say things that just hurt Post by: Vindi on February 11, 2013, 03:40:42 PM you need balance and your own life too, going to church is a good thing... . he may just want you around more to take care of the kids, but he needs to participate in that too. As long as you have balance and family time, please do not stop doing the things you like to do.
Again being UBPD, words do hurt and maybe let him know that your feelings were hurt so he doesn't speak like this, down the road. Title: Re: when they say things that just hurt Post by: waverider on February 11, 2013, 06:59:01 PM This is about lack of self confidence in your own choices. Your SO has simply identified it as a chink in your armor. Until you can feel confident in your choice he will keep using it as leverage.
As you rebuild your sense of self this self confidence will return |