BPDFamily.com

Hi---

    A recent thread touched on the frequent pairings of pwBPD and pwNPD. I had read an article on this. I wonder if it is the attraction of the pwBPD thinking that the narcissist will be "strong enough to save them", and hope they can take on the pwNPD's identity. In return, the pwNPD may appreciate the pwBPD splitting them as "all good" (at first), feeding the pwNPD's ego?

Take care

Shatra

I think this is an accurate summary and captures the most important elements of the BPD (w/NPD traits) attraction.

I would also add that, perhaps less significantly, the NPD is also incapable of genuine intimacy and will remain distant in this regard.  My guess is that, because BPDs "yearn" for intimacy (but can't handle it once they've attained it), this will cause the NPD/BPD attachment to appear "stable" for a while longer than many non-NPD/BPD couplings - i.e., as the NPD can't provide intimacy either, there will always be something for the BPD to long for.

One question I have, though, is whether the NPD will react to the BPD's eventual splitting with the same amount of pain and anguish as most of us nons do.  Because both NPDs and BPDs objectify others, idealize and then later devalue/discard, it would seem that "moving on" for the NPD would be as "easy" as it is for the BPD (esp. since the NPD more or less "chooses" to devalue/discard whereas the BPD does so involuntary as a defense mechanism).  Or maybe the narcissistic injury of being split by the BPD keeps the NPD stuck as well?

Interesting topic.

I can see the initial attraction, but I can see it as ultimately a disaster. As a pwBPD can be needy and the pwNPD would'nt give a damn and wont make the effort to pamper them. pwNPD need to control and manipulate, pwBPD fear control and manipulation