BPDFamily.com

Earlier this week, my ex was having a lot of stress in her life.  She proceeded to engage in a "push".  We had just fought and broke up a few weeks ago because of another "push incident".  I'm in T and my T wanted me to run away from this toxic relationship (she basically demanded it or she refused to continue working with me - harsh I know but I think it's worth it). 

The other night, my ex wanted to talk about it.  I went over there, with my van, ready to scoop up all my gear (it didn't matter to me what she was going to say -- I knew I wasn't going to get a good apology; never have).

She says she wants a break.  We need to pause our relationship.  I ask if that allows us to see other people.  She said no.  I agreed that we needed a break.  However, I told her I wanted a break up, not a break.  I want to find a woman that is going to be good to me.  One that fights through hardships, one that is open to communication, one that appreciates conflict resolution skills.  I told her I deserve someone better than her.

I go NC.  Today is day #2.  Well, later in the day, she has her eight year old call me.  I didn't answer it.  I'm not going to answer any of her calls.  We work together.  If she calls into my office, I'm going to ask her to refrain from contacting me.

Her eight year old left a msg asking for me to call them right away.

I can't believe it.  I just had to vent here.  I am not calling.

That, to me, is really low.

You know my therapist was tough, too.  It took me a while to realize he was trying to get me to fight back.  If you don't like something he/she is saying then tell them.  Through this safe relationship you will learn how to express yourself and set healthy boundaries, something that is very difficult to do with a borderline.  You've either found yourself a very good therapist or a complete a-hole. 


You're somewhat confusing here, too.  Your response seems more a reaction to her antics then anything else.  You're also trying to get her to tell you what you want to hear, too.  Do you realize that?  If she repeats back to you that she can be all those things for you, what will your answer be then?

Hmm.  I didn't realize that.

If she had said she could be all those things, it would be a direct contradiction to what she just asked for (break).  So I didn't think about it from that point of view.

If she walked into my office and apologized and said she is willing to try to be all of those things, I would refuse.  I'm done.  Maybe some therapy is sinking into my head, maybe it's reading all of 2010's posts (wow) or maybe I just have recycle fatigue -- but I don't want to dance anymore.

My wife did the same thing when I left: had her 10 year old son call me.  It's more of the same old craziness--triangulating (read definition) (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=121673.0) and using a child as a pawn to manipulate you.  It should serve as a final reminder that your therapist is giving you good advice!

I didn't even think of triangulation (read definition) (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=121673.0). 

Sounds like she's trying to hit on the guilt button too.  Just so ya know coping skills like these are a pretty good indicator how someone operates. 

Being mature is going to come from you and what you want for your life.

There's a beauty in being done.